Desires

Reviewed by: Ian & David

Copyright © 2007 ? All Rights Reserved

Studio : Jet Set Men

I get a feeling that the wife doesn’t want me to sell any pay per view movies, he keeps renting crap for me to watch and review. We rented this piece of cinematic excellence for $6 but if you don’t have a decent Video Store handy, you can find this movie in my Pay Per View Theatre #2. (Sureflixxx)

The movie itself rents for $10.49 for a 24 hour period, and you can rent any of the five scenes individually for $3.49 and $3.29. (2 hour rentals) Frankly you might be better off just surfing for some other title, or if you really want to see this one, try renting Scene #3 or #4. They are the best of the five scenes.

If you are looking for a story theme or plot line to this movie, forget it. There isn’t one, not even an attempt at one. Disappointing for me as the title does tend to lead one’s imagination into overdrive, and the box cover lends to that thought process as well. Still, not in this flick.

The wife didn’t find it all that good either. I mean we had a few laughs, some popcorn that wasn’t bad, and I had some crackers that were okay. The dog enjoyed me playing with her too, plus she liked the popcorn as well.

Scene 1 (22 min.)

Turn the volume down unless you enjoy some really over the top loud grunts, groans, sighs, moans, and other assorted nonsensical sounds from God only knows where. If it was the two actors, and boy do I use that term loosely, then the microphone had to be up their noses.

Way too loud, even for a porn flick.

There was some foreplay but it was too forced. The sucking of cock is tepid at best. Now there are some good cock shots, actually in all of the scenes, but they are far and few in between. I simply don’t understand these porn producers. I mean if this was a story, okay I could maybe see less money shots, but this isn’t a story. It is Porn. You pay to see cock, to see it go into a guy’s mouth, to see it licked, kissed and all that stuff that makes for Porn.

Yes, it is shown, but uh a guy’s constricted face being shown more than the cock being sucked? I don’t think that makes for good porn.

Then there is the fingering. I mean not even up to the first knuckle and you would sweat the guy was pushing a Sherman tank up the guy’s ass the way he carried on. Talk about over reaching here. Reminds me of Paris Hilton or Brittany Spears.

Again, not great visuals.

The fucking was, well, BORING comes to mind. Seriously, if you went by the sounds it was hot damn good, but if you go by what you see, it was boring, boring, boring.

The cum shots were 50/50. One was eh, not missing much while the second was okay. I mean at least you could see the cum. The first one looked more like bath water. A dull color, and hard to spot.

Scene 2 (22 min.)

The Exercise section of the movie? I don’t know, I suppose that they way they start each scene is supposed to help put you in the mood, or cater your desires. Like one of doing sit ups, then suddenly your partner and you are having sex. That is a stretch, and frankly this scene is unbelievably bad.

Like making a muscle, then sucking on it, kissing it? Okay, I suppose that’s one way to get excited. Licking near the armpit isn’t armpit licking, but I suppose the idea is to entice you. Maybe this is what they call foreplay?

The Oral portion is tepid. Worse than scene #1 when it comes to good cock shots. There are a few, but it seems to constantly pan to the faces, and I have to say, they aren’t pretty images. I never seen two actors constrict their faces to such a degree that it made them look sick and ugly.

Add into the whole scene some really obnoxious sounds, grunts, groans, and gurgles, well this is not looking to be a fun night’s entertainment. Mind you it did give us a laugh or two, only because of the facial expressions and some commentary from yours truly.

The anal sex had some decent camera shots, but certainly not a lot or in a decent sequence. I mean it is one thing to pan the camera, but to let it linger on the person’s buttocks or backside while listening to overly loud groans and moans, well just doesn’t cut it for me.

The cum shots weren’t bad though. Least you could see them, and it wasn’t over in the blink of an eye.

Scene 3 (22 min.)

Okay this one starts off on a massage table and the opening sounds are just odd. But then all of the sound effects in this video are odd. Go figure, but even some music would have been better than listening to this assortment of porn actors mouth off.

The dialogue in this entire video is confined to ‘oh yeah’ and ‘umm’ with the odd word or two, I think. Hard to tell when they speak, but really out of the five scenes this is one of the better ones.

The bicep foreplay is back, and no armpit kissing in this one. Still, the guy showing off his muscles, needs to pump more iron before he has anything to show off. Okay, bit mean on that, as there is some definition, but it sure doesn’t fit with the action.

The cock sucking is okay in this scene. I mean you get to see both cocks fairly often, and close enough to enjoy their dicks. Bit more to see, though the one’s earlier were good looking cocks, just you never really got to see them. In this scene you do.

Don’t get too excited though, as they still like to play hide ‘n seek with these money shots. A lot of face shots, backside views that just don’t add to the mood.

The anal sex scenes are better than the other two scenes. You do get to see some good money shots, more of them, though still not really enough. I mean these are the shots to get you stroking and from watching the wife, I can tell there just wasn’t enough of those shots.

This has one of the better cum shots in it too. It was full view, good camera work and when it ended, you still got to see the milk. Even watch it being rubbed in, so that gets a plus in a video that needs all the pluses it can garner.

Scene 4 (18 min.)

It appears that it isn’t going to matter which scene you rent, your ears will be assaulted by the annoying grunts and groans of these actors. This is one movie where they should have added music, cut the vocals totally.

However this scene also has more of the uh bicep kissing. Is that a niche I haven’t heard of yet? Must be as there sure is a lot of it in this flick. I mean bulging muscles are nice, but I prefer the kind located at crotch level.

I will say, the actors aren’t my idea of twinks. They don’t have that cute look, but they are not bad. Average I would say, which is okay. I guess if you are going for some sort of theme, it might be okay. The cocks on all of them are good sized, when you get to see them.

Here you actually do get some rather decent camera work on the blow jobs. Much more attention is paid to showing the dicks, and while the sucking is a bit unorthodox at times, it is okay. Least you can see what is in their mouths.

The anal stuff just doesn’t cut it. It is really a hit and miss type affair, which is too bad. I mean there is a pair of nice cocks here, and it would be nice to really see them tear between the ass cheeks. Still, there are some okay shots, just not a ton of them.

Again the cum shots were okay here. Least way better than in the first two scenes. You actually got to see the cum, from start to finish, so that is a plus.

Scene 5 (25 min.)

Maybe they had a set time to shoot, or only so much film, but this is where the video becomes very draggy. Boring even, despite the blond actor and the settings for this episode. Nice opening actually, of a fireplace roaring and real logs popping & crackling, with two guys stretched out in front.

And there is where is should have ended.

The blond looked stoned for the most part, and yet he had a damn nice cock, such a shame. The sucking wasn’t great, both in visuals and in performance. It just seemed like they were both going through the motions, despite the heavy panting, the groans and grunts. It just seemed like they were as bored as we were.

The anal portion of the scene was really not good. I mean the guy gets ready to penetrate, then suddenly you see half the cock already inside. I mean the editing was good, but, it just didn’t help very much. Too bad they didn’t edit out the damn vocals.

There were not a lot of good money shots here either, and the action was too static. It didn’t change, just the camera moving from one face shot to another, or pulling back for a wider view of the two humping. At one point I swear the blond had zoned out and forgot what he was doing.

It was like that in the opening of the scene too. He looked so surprised when he opened his eyes to find the other guy’s crotch near his face. It was funny actually, but certainly not arousing.

It was basically BORING. Sorry, but I mean how long can you stare at a pair of clenched butt cheeks going in and out? Be nice to have the camera move down and under. Mind you there was some of that, but like this whole video… NOT ENOUGH.

The ejaculations were 50/50. The first was barely noticeable until afterwards. The second however, from the blond was better, though he really didn’t cum a lot. Though you at least got to see it, and watch it get rubbed in.

Porn is supposed to be about sex, and about seeing it all. The penis is supposed to be the true star. In this video the grunts appear to be more of the stars than the cocks or assholes. I mean come to think of it, there really weren’t a lot of decent asshole shots either. Very few in fact.

Cum is another important part of porn, and that was also hit and miss through the entire video. It is the wife’s favourite part of any porn video, and it is also when he loves to shoot his own. Let me say that this video got him off, but it took the whole 109 minutes of it. And I think it was more to do with he simply likes to cum, than anything he was watching.

And no, he didn’t moan loudly, didn’t twist his face up into weird shapes either. He came, and wiped it off, got dressed and poured himself some milk. In short, it wasn’t a pleasure, more like oh well, might as well.

Not a 1 but close to it. I suppose given there are some odd good points, one or two decent cum shots and a few good penis views, that this movie gets a 2 out of 5 rating from the wife and me.

You can rent this video HERE, but why?

Doggie Style

Reviewed by: Ian & David

Copyright © 2007 ? All Rights Reserved

Studio : Jet Set Men

To begin with, I would give this video a 5 out 5 for effort on attempting to actually have a story line, and better, for attempting to follow it throughout the video. That alone really impressed me about Doggie Style. It really had an attempt at being a movie, but let’s face it, Porn Stars are noted for their sexual abilities, not their acting one’s.

This movie is available in my movie theatre, #2.

Okay that out of the way, here goes what I thought of this movie, other than the fact it had a story line, which by the way was different.

There is the whole opening sequence, the sets it all up. Bit contrived, and not quite believable, but hey, possible. Still the opening scene is not quite what I expected, and I have to say, the stars certainly weren’t my idea of twinks.

Then too, I wouldn’t call this a twink flick. Maybe we should just call it a General Porn Video, instead of trying to figure out what genre it belongs to. Not like I can tell anyhow, but frankly I rather was unimpressed by the selected stars for this flick, with three exceptions.

The sex in scene #1 just wasn’t good. I mean they tried, but it was so staged, so over the top for me that I found myself looking for a book to read. I also bitched out the wife, asking him what kind of crap did he rent this time around. I had to eat those words later on, but not while watching this scene.

The photography was pitiful. More shoulders, ugly facial constrictions than cock or ass shots. The rim job was not what I’d like, which sort of made me think they were playing too much to the camera.

The sucking was not what I’d want the wife to do with my dick, that’s for sure. Hell at one point, if that had been me getting sucked, I’d have hauled off and smacked the other guy. Mind you if he had shown up at my door, I’d have told him wrong address.

The fuck shots were barely okay in my mind. Not a lot of close ups for my taste, and the noise the one guy made was just way too much. Hell, to be honest, his grunts and groans were so unreal, that it made me wonder if he even could feel the cock in his ass. And the guy doing the fucking was so emotionless, it really was not what I’d call entertaining.

I enjoyed how they wove the story line in at the end and beginning of each scene. It was all rather well done. I am going to go right to scene 3, because frankly Scene #2 was I think the best of them all.

I found the lead in to this episode the lamest of them all. It just didn’t click for me, and yet in many ways it was way better than the first scene. The cock visuals were much better, the fuck shots were way better as well. However, the scene just didn’t do much for me, partially because the music was too much, and just not suited for the scene itself.

Plus, I have to say that the acting wasn’t inspiring either. The dialogue was too contrived at the beginning, and just seemed too staged. The foreplay, something I am rather a nut for, was actually too much here. In fact, I would say that the foreplay in all the scenes was just too much, though this one and the last scene were worst than the other two.

Part of the problem is that they are dragging it out, to add running time for the movie I think. It simply didn’t work in this scene for me.

I was bored, and the ending of the scene was a bit too much. I didn’t care for the ending of it, and felt it took a bit from the actual story line. Again though, this is porn so the visuals of the sucking was actually good in this scene. Go Figure.

The fuck shots were okay, not what I’d call super but better than the first scene. The cum scenes weren’t spectacular, but again, better than the first scene. Bit more of it, and bit easier to recognize.

The ending aside, the lead in to the final scene got me a bit steamed. Being Gay, we are classed by the Religious Right as being perverts, being nothing but sex crazed perverts, and the analogy used to lead into scene 4 pissed me off actually. I just didn’t think it made Gays come off well, given the story line itself.

I suppose in one sense, it enabled the story to continue, to its climax, but I really hate it when company’s fall into that trap of portraying Gays as being nothing but sex machines.

Yes there are some sex pigs out there, but not as many as it seems society believes. I also think our values are a lot higher than what this particular lead in seemed to indicate.

Again, Scene #4 was okay. The visuals were good actually, despite some of the grunts and groans. The sucking was good, and some really decent visuals of the cocks was nice to see. Same goes for the fuck action shown.

You actually got to see some good penetration, close up. And that is what porn should do. Second weakest part of this scene is the cum shots. The one was a bit weak, barely noticeable, while the other was not bad. There was some good close ups for a change, so that sort of bumped it up from being the worst part of the scene.

The worst, was the whole scene. It took too long, again seeming to simply add runtime to the video itself. It just wasn’t as natural as real foreplay is. The actors had some different expressions, that uh, well, seemed too staged.

In fact it is rather annoying and it seemed in this particular video, they were concentrating on showing those expressions. I just found it comical at times, annoying at other times. Just not what I’d call good acting skills, but then, who rents porn for acting?

Still, Scene #4 was too long, and boring.

Now, Scene #2. I liked this one, because the action was different, and it fit the whole story line to a tee. The betrayal, the disgust was there, as was the sex. I mean it really had it all. Good rimming to begin with, in comparison to scene #1.

The visuals for this scene was much better, in many aspects. Not great in some, but out of the four, it was better simply because this scene had 4 participants. Two watchers, and two performers.

The plot here is thin, but it’s the action you want, and this scene does deliver that. It was a bit boring, as it seems they really did try to stuff the video with added time. Sorry, but I think that detracts from what quality there is. Now maybe it is also because one of the more popular pay per view feature is that you can simply rent a scene, rather than the entire video. Whatever the reason, I am not a fan of it.

The fucking shots were perhaps the best in the scene. Again a lot of cuts to facial shots, that normally I would like. In this video, I could have done without 80% of them. The actors just couldn’t pull it off, not for my taste.

The two watchers were rather out of place, and on the sidelines a lot. One was rather cute, the other a muscle type dude. Not what you would expect. Still, the camera work to them was okay, but again way too much face stuff. The cute guy was a bit dull, actually, as was the muscle guy.

The action of the other two more or less made up for it. Some good fucking, good sucking too. Nice shots on all scores here, except for the cum scenes. There are four of them, and it was also different. The watchers cum before the two doing it. Now that might seem out of place, but if you think about it, it fits. Those watching are more apt to cum before the one’s they are watching.

Their departure was a bit stiff, disjointed but hell it is porn.

Overall, because of the story line, this flick was rather enjoyable to watch. It allowed me to ignore the really bad stuff, and there was some. The overall photography just wasn’t what I’d say stellar. I think in porn, the visuals are what truly counts. They should get you horny, get you hard, and get you off.

Scene #2 was one of those. The other scenes were just too long, and Scene #1 could have been written right out without any loss, as far as I am concerned. Still, I would rate this video a 4 out of 5.

I know, it shocks me too. Still it isn’t bad, and they did make a good effort with the story line. It worked for me, so I guess that maybe got it a higher rating, than if it didn’t have one.

This movie is available in my Pay Per View #2 theatre. Before you CLICK HERE to go rent this video, I would like to say that the prices for these rentals just seems too much. Whether you choose to just rent a scene for two hours, or longer, or the full video. I simply do not understand these Pay Per View Companies anymore.

The whole concept was to make it not just easy for you to rent a gay flick, but to avoid the hassles the video stores have created. Such as late fees, or having to go behind some stupid curtain, or be seen going into one of those X Rated one’s. That was the purpose for PPV, and to give people a real selection of titles.

Price was also a factor. I mean they started out being very reasonable, not really much more expensive than going to the video store or for pay per view on television. Even our PPV on the boob tube is up to $10 a crack, yet the video store is $6. Go figure, but I suppose partially the higher price is for convenience.

Yet as I look at the prices the PPV companies are charging, it just seems wrong to me. Now I make money by you renting from me, but you know, don’t go for the 5 day options, the month features, because frankly, they are charging too much. Hell, even the 24 hour rental seems to be too much.

If I rent from a video store, then the store is at risk of me not returning it, and they don’t have ten or twenty copies for other people to rent. So it would stand to reason that their price would be higher, yet they aren’t. Television Cable and these PPV outfits are sending you a digital signal. Thousands can rent it without them having to pay one extra red cent. They don’t stand to lose any sales for out of stock or already rented product. It is ALWAYS THERE, ALWAYS AVAILABLE.

So the price rather pisses me off. Still, it is your money and your choice. I liked the movie, if you want to rent it HERE, great I’ll make a few bucks. But if you want to check out your video outlet, hey, a buck saved is a buck saved. Go For It.

Bedtime Stories III

Acting

Scene #1

To begin with, these guys aren’t what I would call Twinks. And given the opening dialogue and scenario, well no Academy Award Nominations for these two actors. Just seems to me that while it is nice to see sexy men partake in sex, there should be more to it than just a brief haltingly spoken few lines before suddenly one or both are getting their dicks sucked.

Neither of the actors here seemed intent on pushing the supposed story line, and worse, the way they handled the props was, well funny and annoying at the same time. I mean come on, putting whipped cream on a hard cock shaft and then the other simply wiping it off? Like why bother?

Then we have the sex talk. I mean in the blooper section you see one actor actually asking the crew if real people talk like that. I mean no, real people don’t talk like that, yet here we are, these guys doing just that.

Certainly didn’t come across as real either.

Scene #2

Interesting background and the actors, well they just seemed to move around, changing positions and doing their thing. It wasn’t like they were even aware of the camera so I suppose that is a good thing.

No dialogue to speak of, and best of all, no cheesy sex talk either. Sure the odd grunt, moan was heard but really nothing else. No great acting but it was more plausible than the first scene.

Scene #3

I don’t get it, but if you hire guys for sex, least they should shoot a good load of cum, but not in this scene. Then too the acting was rather stiff, and well boring. It just didn’t fit with the scenario and the intro into it was rather muffled and slurred even.

I mean if you are going to have actors talk, make it so the viewer can hear and understand them. Then have actors who at least don’t look totally bored and uninterested when they are being sucked off. I mean, it just sort of ruins the concept a bit.

The introduction to this scene really sucked. There was no real set up for it, and it just didn’t help the action one bit. You sort of got the idea, but my first reaction was to wonder where the blond had gone to.

Scene #4

This scene was the one, which explains why it is at the end. The facial expressions of Matt Van Dorn were excellent, plus it helped that he was the only true twink in the whole video. I mean he at least looked the part. And he spoke with some enthusiasm that was lacking in the other actors.

It seemed like he took the time to actually learn the dialogue a bit, and added some expression to them. Plus the sex talk was a minimum and frankly thanks to him, the whole scene was more realistic than the others that preceded this one.

When you watched the action, it was believable. His expressions, the twisting of his lip and his eyes made it seem like he was actually enjoying it. Not like in the other scenes where it either looked fake or routine. This guy at least helped with the fantasy.

Intro/End

I gotta say I liked the concept but wish they would have gotten an actor who could act. There is no doubt this one couldn’t, nor was his diction exactly spot on either. It just sort of took away from the concept which in itself was of interest.

The beginning or introduction was stilted. He muffed a few words and added emphasis to some so noticeably that it was more of a joke than of making a point.

It just was poorly done and doubt if the actor did any rehearsal for it, which he should have.

The ending was lame. It just didn’t work given the actor and the lines or lack of lines. It was not a good way to end in my view.

Bloopers

Now they were sort of funny, but you never really saw what the errors were. In fact there weren’t that many shown, but after watching them right after viewing the movie, I liked the bloopers better than the actual video. I mean the actors were more animated, more fun to watch than when they were actually performing.

Bios

Poor quality of pictures but it was nice to be able to get some vital stats on the guys one just watched. Wish the pics were better and larger too.

Galleries

Now this was nice. To see some stills of two of the actors was a nice touch and the photos were not bad. They were teasing in a way that showed that perhaps there was more to the guys than what one could discern from seeing them in action.

Trailers

I liked them actually, and they did do the job they were intended to do. They made me consider renting them. Whether we will or not, well I don’t know if our video store has them, but we’ll see.

They showed a lot actually in a nice motion that sort of gave one a decent idea of the movie, but we will see if we get them how good the trailers were compared to the actual video.

Edit

Scene #1

Well it flowed but I don’t know, something seemed off and perhaps it was the action or such, or in the editing of the piece. It just had an awkwardness to it that wasn’t enjoyable. Passable though.

Scene #2

Rather impressed with the motion and camera angles here. It was different and the use of a totally black backdrop was different enough to keep one’s attention focused on the two actors.

There were some decent shots too of the cocks that added greatly to the whole scene. Now while the acting was less than stellar, the various motion and angles helped pull the whole thing off. It was good and would have been superb with more talented acting.

Scene #3

Not much to say, seemed to flow okay but the lack of acting skills sort of made the editing a non issue.

Scene #4

Given the differences between scenes 1 and 3 versus scenes 2 and 4 it sort of makes me think that there were different camera persons and that the editing was also done by different people.

Like scene 2, the action was well blended into the flow and there were some really good camera shots of dicks and action. The fuck scene was well shown for a change, and the cutting to facial expressions while maybe action had been edited out or whatever worked too. It didn’t impede the flow.

One complaint here is that if one actor is wearing jewellery, and you show a close up of it, then cut to a different view, and then go back to another close up, the jewellery should still be visible, not removed. Gives away that there was a stop in action and sort of ruins the flow for the real picky viewer.

The angles were well woven into the action, and obviously some care was taken to make it all fit together. Out of the entire movie, this scene perhaps had the best camera shots of assholes, penises, and balls than the others put together. It all flowed well too.

Intro/End

Well there wasn’t much to either to do, but the camera angles or shots were bit jerky overall. It just didn’t have a flow, appeared forced really which kind of ruined the whole set up. That and the poor acting made it uninviting.

Story Line

Jerky at best is all I can say. While I liked the concept itself, the acting failed to pull it off, except perhaps in the final scene, which really had no build up to it.

I suppose the idea of someone reading a story to get in the mood is a valid one, after all we all do it I think. What sort of put me off was that the actual set up of the first three scenes wasn’t well documented or presented.

The acting was to say the least uninspiring. The dialogue was stilted for the most part, performed by the actor (Eric Hunter). Due to his playing to the camera at times, in obvious fashion, and placing improper emphasis on some of the words, it just didn’t take for me. It would have been good if performed right, but better without it as it was performed.

The final two scenes were not well introduced. Scene #4 actually had no tie in really, least not like the previous three scenes. Still it was the better of them all due to the acting. It also was a bit more realistic, and had they spent more time developing that scenario than the previous one, well might have been a real hit.

Simply put, good concept but execution was lacking.

Overall Impression

It was different enough to maybe warrant the price. I know though that I am way too jaded to give this one anything close to a perfect mark. It just isn’t up to what I want to see. Kind of makes me wonder if these movies are what people want, or just that no one is really sitting back demanding better.

For myself, this was a bust however for Dave it was okay. He wasn’t thrilled by it, but he got off on it. Not like he gets off on the Bel Ami movies, but then those are the class of the twink video set.

I will say that in a Bel Ami flick, Dave can get off more than once, but he did struggle to get off once on this flick. It was more of, well its nearly over so might as well whack off impression.

For us both, the saving grace was Matt Van Dorn, not just because he is hot, and has a nice twinkish body, but because of his more polished acting compared to the others. Whether he is that good or not, in other flicks we’ll have to see, but in this movie, he was what saved it.

Also this was not a bareback movie, it showed the actors using condoms which I thought was good. I wasn’t thrilled by the rather impersonal manner that they applied the condoms. I wish for once, I’d see a movie where they showed how much fun using a condom could be, not make it seem an annoyance.

The only rim job was in Scene 4 and was okay, and there were no real props to speak of. I mean maybe a toy or two might have helped some of the scenes, or even for use in the introduction of each scene. It might have added to the story line even to simply have some of the various novelties visible.

Earth Guys Are Easy

Reviewed by The Gaystoryman

Copyright © 2006 ? All Rights Reserved

Well give these guys some credit I suppose for trying a story line or premise really. The concept is that some Alien being has come down to experience sex, and assumes the bodies of his victims, in order to get the full benefit of experiencing the sex.

Now its not a bad concept, not my cup of tea, but it is something. However the use of darkness to convey something sinister, is rather B Grade stuff left over from the 1950’s. It just really becomes annoying more than anything, and rather quickly too.

In some sense it also made the video dark, or at least that was the attempt I think. It just didn’t have much to it, and was rather, well, dull. The dialogue and scene breaks were rather bizarre that didn’t add to the sex fantasy attempting to be created.

Problem was, there was a fair amount of talking, but only shadows to look at. Nothing to sort of grab your eye or make you grab something else.

Scene 1

The lighting sucks and actually doesn’t improve throughout the video. You do have to wonder if they maybe were going with a seamy look, that just didn’t quite catch on.

Not that there really was much worth looking at. The actors were obviously not chosen for looks, but perhaps merely for their fee demands. No expressions really and I mean how long can you suck on a dick and not be bored? With these guys, they started bored, and it didn’t get better.

Lot of grunts and groans too, and frankly the grimace and shriek of pain was well, bit out of sync. I mean who grimaces when their cock is being sucked unless the guy is biting on it?

Now I don’t know, but spitting into a guy’s ass, watching it from a distance splat down on his spread apart ass cheeks. Certainly didn’t get me aroused for more of the video, never mind scene. Just sort of done in a gross out manner that wasn’t what I’d call seductive one little bit.

There were some decent penis shots though. The ending attempted to recapture the movie plot, and it was really badly done. Part of that is due to the very muffled tinny dialogue used. It just was too annoying to be of value.

Scene 2

The lead in stunk. The take one actor from scene 1 and move him into scene 2. Seeing that I hoped they wouldn’t continue it, but like I guess I still can dream.

Very bad lighting and the set layout. I mean what are these producers thinking when they suddenly add props to a scene? I mean this one starts out in an alley, then all of a sudden they add a chesterfield. Like we’d not notice that at first? It just was what, teleported down for them to use?

I hate when they start a scene, then add major design changes and figure no one will notice. It shows a total lack of respect for the viewer.

Again, very dark and rotten dialogue. Expressions were not matching the action and sure, there were some decent cock shots. However the way they kept moving camera angles around a person could develop whiplash. There wasn’t a good flow to the camera changes, and certainly didn’t add anything to one’s viewing enjoyment.

The edit of the scene was terrible. It really was noticeable or maybe it was the lack of good editing skills that was noticeable more? Lot more could have been done to make the scene more viewer friendly, with some simple edit techniques. Mind you even adding a light bulb would have helped too.

What is with the spitting?

I know one uses it in place of lubricant, but geez, turn the volume down when the guy does it. Scared the dog even when the one spat. It was like something hit our front window, hard rain or something. Then too, the dialogue, music, and sex sounds were just as poorly executed. Guess I expected more.

Again, lack of expressions and grimaces from being fucked and the view of the penis going in shows it is soft? Like uh, how did he get it in that way, but how in fuck could a limp dick cause any pain? I mean no way was it a first time for the bottom, so uh, again, don’t use sounds that don’t fit, and don’t use faked expressions that really don’t fit.

One thing that did make us sit up a bit, was that the bottom let some gas out. It was really quite well heard, again showing how poorly the edit job was. Then too there is the sudden appearance of a bottle going in one’s ass, while they jerk off.

What, they couldn’t afford a fucking dildo? A damn bottle?

Scene 3

I know people have limited budgets for these type of films. But I mean what, they couldn’t use a different chesterfield than the one from the alley that magically appeared?

The opening dialogue was terrible. It really makes you wonder if whoever wrote this went to school, and if the actors speaking the lines ever finished kindergarten. The whole thing really made this scene a joke more than anything.

Here too the lighting wasn’t great. I mean come on, its in an office, you would think they could turn on an extra lamp or something. Mind you it was better than the supposed outdoor scenes earlier.

Then there was the grunts. I mean both actors clearly have their mouths closed, but boy do they make loud sounds anyhow. Kind of like they added it afterwards, well I mean it was obvious at the start that the sex sounds were added. Found it rather sad actually, to hear the exact same voice for both actors, as well as from the earlier scenes.

Obviously the budget was super low.

The cum shots weren’t bad. The kissing however was a super turn off. Then too, did the camera man take a coffee break? From one scene of wild angles every three seconds to this one, where the camera had to have been crazy glued in spot. BORING!

Scene 4

Now the way I am used to porn is that the least good looking starts the film off. It then progresses to the last scene that has the hottest actors, and the hottest scenes.

Seems reasonable to me, but I guess not to the producers of this film. The concept of transporting all up to the mother ship, and then engaging in an orgy is a nice concept. Turning on some lights might have helped pull that off. Having good looking actors would definitely have helped.

You don’t get to see much of the actor faces. Perhaps the producers were ashamed of them? Or they all had a massive outbreak of zits? Thing is, the way these actors are shown, you don’t get attached. I mean with producers like Bel Ami, you want to see other films a certain actor is in. You follow their stars, and with other studios too. Yet here, well, they show you very little of the attractive features, so why would you bother?

Think maybe the director and camera person joined in. I mean it started off with four actors, ended with six. Go figure, a bonus no one really noticed.

Oh and as to the bonus features. I think they shouldn’t have wasted time adding them. The galleries, if you can call them that, were minimal at best. Trailers were just fast forwarded shots. I mean nothing flashed past that got me wanting to see the movie.

For all the movie, I have to say that the choices of music sort of fit the premise. However I also think that they could have done a lot better, and man was it overpowering too. Sort of drowned out some of the voice overs as well.

Duelling Dicks

Reviewed by The Gaystoryman

Copyright © 2006 ? All Rights Reserved

To be honest, I have no idea where to begin with this Review. Perhaps the pain and suffering should be over quick, this one is a warning. Stay Clear of It!

I have seen some pretty poor videos over the years, but when the best you can say about a video is that it is 56 minutes long which is way too long, well does that sort of give you a hint?

The introduction scenario is to say the least, confusing and virtually non existent. At the start you really have no clue what the premise is, even looking at the video title. I mean what, two guys battling it out using their cocks instead of swords?

You are faced with four actors. Frankly not very good looking ones either. Least not of my taste. Some annoying voice then splits them up and gives them locations to go on and do it.

Do what?

Anyhow suddenly we are being bombarded with camera action of guys sucking, and groaning. Some aren’t even undressed yet but hey, the sound effects are there. I suppose its to get you in the mood, for me it was a total turn off. Some of the looks too, I mean one looked as confused as I was in watching.

But hey it doesn’t get any better either.

A sort of haunting melody begins playing, that is, well no where near being suitable for what one sees. Nice tunes but not for these two sets of guys humping or sucking, least I think that is what they were doing.

Hands cover up the cocks, camera angles give you some really good thigh shots, even butt cheeks, but penetration? Long slimy poles? Nah, who needs that in a porn video, or so the producers obviously feel.

Yes on occasion you do get a glimpse or two of some balls, some cock, and even the odd asshole. Assuming you squint or are totally focused on the video. For myself I have to admit, I was more interested in the wife grabbing me a glass of water than the huge drawn out fuck scene.

The lighting for both scenes was pitiful. I mean it was bad enough that actors had their hands covering the poles to the point where you wondered if there really was a cock there. Were they hard dicks? Damn if I know. I mean kind of hard to really tell.

The music was the kind one uses to fall asleep to. Course the action shown was pretty well doing that on its own. It really was like more of a sleep video than a porn video. Wonder if anyone got paid for this rendition of BORING?

The constant switching of action shots from one set to the other could give you whiplash. There was no flow, no nothing to it. Just wham one minute you see a clenched butt slamming up against another, hear some wild shrieks, then without notice are treated to a mouth going up and down on something. Hard to know as knees and legs got in the way.

Hey scene two wasn’t any different. I mean they could have saved the fees paid to the actors by simply using the footage from the first scene. After all, no dicks, no assholes, how would anyone know they were the same? Okay maybe by the hands, or cheeks, but the sound effects were the same. I mean no discernable change in voices canned over the filming. So maybe the footage was the same? Not like you could really tell.

Thing is, when you rent a porn video, you expect to see cum shots, you expect to see good images of hard cocks, full balls, and nice pink holes. What you really don’t want to see the most is bare knuckles, hips gyrating, and hear the actors cum but see nothing but blurred bellies. However, that is what you get with this flick.

Like I said, for me and the wife, this one was a non starter. I mean hell, the wife pulled his pants up after 15 minutes. Now you know that has to be bad, if even he can’t get stimulated enough to warrant a bit of hand action. The best feature of this video was the ending. No, not when the last set of four were whacking off, when the video was ejected from the machine. Not like there were even any trailers or such to go check out.

So give this one a nice big fat ZERO.