Bone Mountain

Reviewed by: Ian & David

Copyright © 2007 ? All Rights Reserved

Studio : Tribal Pulse

Lets get the ‘commercial’ crap out of the way first.

1. This gay porn flick is showing in my Sureflixxx Theater.

2. The video is about 83 minutes long and you can rent it for 24 hours or 5 days. It is also available in 4 scenes that you can rent for two hours or five days.

3. The stars are Luke Cummings, Erick Masters, Brad Ryder, Lucas Ford, Peter Wood, Mario Danza, & Sean Bronson.

Okay now that is out of the way, here we go. To begin with, the wife and I are in disagreement about this one. Like that is nothing new, as he is just a horny bitch, and anything with uncut penises gets him off. That and half way decent cum shots.

So for him, this flick did the job, though frankly it wasn’t a simple stretch out and whack off for him. It did take him time to get into it, which is my point to him.

If doesn’t get you hard and keep you hard, and make you want to cum and cum and cum, then what frigging good is it?

As you can tell, I was not thrilled by it.

There are a couple of cute guys in it, and a couple that are, shall we say, over the hill? To begin with, while the names all sound North American, there is no doubt it is a foreign European production. The giveaway is when they talk, which isn’t that often but enough to tell you it’s not an English production. Alas, no subtitles either, but then again, not sure I’d want any.

Secondly, I’d turn the volume off on this one. The grunts and groans are so overblown throughout, that it was a total turn off for me, and even the wife had a few quizzical expressions at times. There is no music either, which in this case was more than likely a good thing.

According to Sureflixxx, they have this video in four scenes, though it seemed to me like there was a heck of a lot more scenes than four. In fact noting that it was broken into four scenes, rather threw us off a bit, because the edit job on this video is pretty disjointed, random and certainly not smooth. The transitions from one group to another was rather hard to follow at the beginning, so if you want to rent this porn by scenes, I can’t help you there.

I have no idea how Sureflixxx is breaking up the video.

Scene 1

On the DVD, scene one and two along with three are sort of woven together. Least it sort of seems that way. Hell, the first scene was over so quick that it had to be a cut away, but was so poorly done that it made us think the DVD player had somehow skipped over a portion.

The concept of this video is about a group trekking up a mountain, and stopping along the way to have sex. Now I don’t know, but little details matter to me. For example, who in the hell goes trampling up a rocky pathway wearing sandals? Plus you sure as hell don’t go up through bushes wearing pants that are only ¾ length. But hey, these guys do, plus one wears a hat, that rarely seems to be off his head, even when he’s sucking cock.

My bitch about Porn Videos is that if they are going to have a theme, at least make it a plausible and realistic. I mean how hard is that, given how generic the bloody themes are?

The beginning is so short, hard to tell what is what. I mean there is some kissing, then suddenly one is sucking the other off, then wham, we are seeing two other guys kissing in a totally different location. Like that is a real smooth transition… NOT.

Mind you the two in the second scene are damn hot looking. They were my type, smooth bodies good looking twinks. They looked like twinks, and had the faces that immediately made you want to see more. Even the wife preferred them the most. Though I am pickier.

The switch back to Scene 1 was as bad as going to Scene 2. Again we thought the DVD Player had skipped but it turns out it hadn’t. The video cuts to a fuck scene, and while there are some okay shots of the action, the damn sound effects were laughable, as well as damn annoying. Even the wife took a cigarette break, which isn’t often when you have two guys fucking.

For myself, I found that the action in scene 2 was the best photographed, though I suppose some of the other scenes were okay. Problem is, how long can you keep a camera focused on just one spot?

Tribal Pulse seems to believe that not only can they keep it focused on some spot for ages, it doesn’t have to be a money shot. I mean yes, some of the actors were nice to look at, but man they made some pretty strange faces. Whether they were being sucked off, or fucked, the twisted faces weren’t what I would call glamour shots. Yet you sure do get to see a lot of that, in all of the scenes.

Not a lot of good cock shots. That is a piss off, because I mean let’s face it, isn’t that one of the things you rent a porn video for? These were supposed to feature uncut cocks, and yet there sure isn’t a lot of foreskin being shown. Some, but I mean just not what I’d call enough.

In many of the close ups of the cocks, well you sure see a lot of hands and knuckles, but not a lot of cock. It really is hit and miss, because on the close ups, that is what should be shown. Not like these videos are shot over the course of an hour or two. It is obvious in the cheaper productions, like this one, that it is done over time, so they can stop the action and make sure the actors show off their assets better for the camera. Least you would think so, though again, not in this video.

The addition of a third person into the second scene, sort of makes me think that this video isn’t being broken up into scenes. It all seems to be one conglomeration, that is then edited or spliced together. Not sure, but it sure was not a smooth flow of action.

The position switches are very disjointed as well. One second you have one guy between two, then suddenly they switch, though you don’t see it happening. In one of the shots, they are dressed, then presto magic, they are stark naked, no clothes in sight. Then again, wave the magic wand and there is a pile of clothes next to them.

Why would I notice? Shouldn’t I be concentrating on the action?

You would think so, but when all you see is a distant shot, of bodies gyrating, faces being tossed back, you sort of let your attention wander. If the action is hot enough, who cares what the surrounding scenery is, or how changes are made in who is sucking and who is fucking, but then this wasn’t what you would call ‘professional camera work’.

This is what I call a ‘hit n miss’ video. There are some decent cum shots, nice ones actually and you do get to see the cum spurt and hit, some is even taken orally. Then there are others that almost as soon as the guy is screaming, the cum is starting to show, you are watching some guy’s face watching what you should be seeing.

There is an attempt at a rim job, but you really see zilch. I mean the face between the ass cheeks, plus some sounds, but that is it. I mean they shouldn’t have bothered really, as its not enough to even get a tingle in the old ass or crotch.

A lot of kissing, a lot of making of faces, and some okay shots here and there of cocks, and of being pounded. No penetration shots though, no real set up. You just see the ass and the guy pounding, then if lucky you get to see the cock going in and out of the ass, the balls hanging.

Problem I have is this. There are some nice asses, nice dicks, and good cum, but it isn’t consistently shown. When you really want to see it, the camera is off showing some scrunched up face shot, or elbows, or trees. The edit work is so disjointed, you can’t really follow the action. Pictures in a slideshow option would be more erotic than the way they have pieced this together, in my view.

Why the wife enjoyed it? Damned if I know, but for me this is a stinker. I’d rate this about a 1 out of 5. I might go to a one point five, but no half stars option in this program. So a 1 is all it gets.

Rent Bone Mountain Here, if you really want to.