Reviewed by: Ian & David
Copyright © 2007 ? All Rights Reserved
Studio : Jet Set International
Box covers can be so deceiving. The wife chose this particular video because he recognized the guy on the cover, well one of them. He had appeared in a Bel Ami Video, and had been rather exciting. However, after watching this video, I can understand why he never made it, beyond appearing in an audition video from Bel Ami.
Let me be blunt, right off. DON’T RENT THIS VIDEO.
I am serious, this 121 minute video is not worth the price of a chocolate bar, never mind a porn rental fee. There is so much wrong with this video, that this is gonna be one long review. And no, I wouldn’t rent any of the scenes either. In short, SAVE YOUR MONEY.
To begin with, Twink to me means someone who is between the ages of 18 and 22, and they look like it. I don’t think someone who is say 18 and looks 90 is someone I wouldn’t classify as a twink.
I also believe that the object of a porn video is to get a person excited, to get them hard and wanting to either have sex with the person next to them, or at least to ejaculate.
Let me say, this movie may claim to be a ‘twink one’ and to be ‘porn’ but it fails totally in both. Yes there are what you might call ‘twinks’ but uh, they should kind of look hot, not like they came from a train wreck. Secondly, mixing genres is just not what I’d want to see in a movie. I mean there are muscle guys, more jocks, and certainly more of the ‘older crowd’ than just Twinkies.
I am not dumb enough to expect a whole lot of acting in these type of films either, but if I am going to have to stare at blank faces and unmoving shoulders or butts, I’d kind of like them to be good looking. I’d like to see the eyes open, not peer down their throats or check how many nose hairs they have in each nostril.
That is what you get with this video.
If you’ve read any of my reviews, you’ll know that the wife usually disagrees with me a lot of the time. It’s his age, actually, plus he’s a horn dog, and easily satisfied when it comes to porn. He has a ritual when we watch Porn as well.
He gets a big blanket out, and grabs his essentials like a mug of milk, his vibrator, and naturally the cum rag. Cigarettes & lighter are at the ready, and he drops the drawers, to settle back and watch the latest movie he’s chosen. Rarely does he pull those knickers of his up before the video has ended. I do mean rarely.
He had ‘em up halfway through the video. Hell, he was off staring at the fish tank before more than an hour of the video had run. That shows you how interested a natural pervert like him was turned on by this film. I mean the little bitch was able to walk around, play with our dog, while I had to sit through this piece of crap, just so I could be honest in this review, and make sure that there weren’t any hidden gems in it.
There weren’t.
Most ‘pay per view’ companies list the stars. It is because some people will like a specific porn star, and might want to rent other videos featuring them. It is interesting to note, with this video, no names are listed by Sureflixxx, that actually has this video for rental.
There are no real lead ins either, to any of the scenes other than the last one. If I had to chose one scene to watch, it would have been the last one. Not because it was good, but it at least gave me a good belly laugh at the total incompetence of the actors, and at the quality of this whole video. It did have a sort of lead in, which made it different than the first 5 scenes.
Scene 1 is a joke really, as they all are. I don’t know how many days any of these scenes were shot over, but there sure were a lot of weather changes in this one. There was the sun shining, then the sounds of a huge downpour, followed by birds singing, then more rain. Trains going by, all helped make this outdoor scene a joke.
The attempt at trying to make this scene look like a romantic tryst was laughable. The twink and muscle dude may have had gas or something, judging by their expressions at times. The sounds they made certainly would give one the idea that they were in intense discomfort, physically. It really was a symphony of annoying screeches, mingled with Mother Nature’s odd burst of rain and thunder.
Some of those moans or cries of agony were added, others were live, though frankly just mute the sound for this entire video. It’ll be easier on your concentration as you hunt for good camera shots of cocks being sucked, or being pounded into an ass. In other words, there sure ain’t a lot of good cock shots here, even though that is supposed to be the trademark of a porn video.
Scene 2 is not really any better. I mean it starts off with a guy on a picnic table, in a moving tour boat down a canal. Guy is not bad, from a distance. Then this other guy joins him, and eventually they leave the salon of the boat, to go ashore. Only thing is, the boat is no longer moving, but you see it beached on a sandbar. And it is well beached. There is ropes holding it in place, tree stump acting as a brace for the front.
Obviously the opening shots were taken on some other boat, to simulate something. What I haven’t a clue because frankly the action was pitiful. The two actors, need to have their Union Cards yanked. These aren’t actors, despite the attempt to try and make them seem like they are. Hell, they aren’t that good at getting undressed, let alone having sex.
I have seen bad blow jobs before, but this was one of the worst. And again, the images of cocks being sucked, of going in a butt, were pitiful. The cutting to staring at the sun glaring, was just uh, annoying?
One of the cum shots was okay, even though the lead up to the final ejaculation was way over done. The other was just hit and miss. Hell so far, four cum shots in the two scenes, and we got one only, that is okay. I mean when the wife cums, least you know it, and aren’t guessing nor are your ears ringing from the weird noises. And no, his face isn’t scrunched up like someone drove a hot poker up his ass either.
Scene 3 is back on the beached boat with a couple of older men. Certainly they aren’t twinks, but more like upper 20’s or early 30’s. And no, there is no lead in, and frankly I have seen more excited sex from the fish in our tank than these two managed to show.
Part of the problem is that it is so boring. Even their faces show how mechanical it is to them, and while they try to add some life by the rolling of eyes, it just doesn’t come off. Nor is the set eye appealing either. I mean peeling paint, falling apart fixtures, just doesn’t inspire one to pull it out and whack off.
The positions and camera shots are odd and so poorly edited that you really can’t get into the action. There is some, though by looking you’d never really know. I mean the one guy barely moves, while his ass is being pounded. I mean not a flinch even, and I still am not sure what their cocks looked like. There are flashes and yes, when they lay back against the ratty old seat cushions to whack off, you sort of can see, but uh it just isn’t what I’d call visual enough.
There certainly is no need of a slow motion camera, the acting took care of that naturally. I mean talk about slow and dull, this scene took the prize for that. DULL, DULL.
Scene 4 had some promise, some. However you know, watching a guy chew gum while his dick is being sucked, is uh, not exactly erotic for me. How about you? Turn you on?
Now this scene did have twinks, and the gum chewer was sort of cute, and definitely more of a twink than any of the others. His body wasn’t bad either, though his face was so blank, it was hard to get worked up enough.
Now I will say, you do get to see a bit more cock and ass in this scene than any of the others before, but still, it just isn’t enough. It is also rather boring, as they stick to doing one thing way too long, without any really good camera angles changes. Course when the gum chewer spits out the gum, halfway through him fucking the other, it does wake you up a bit.
He had a cute or interesting face, but he’s the one you don’t see all that well. Lots of facial shots of the other guy, who really isn’t attractive, nor is his face what you would call worth looking at. I mean he had skin blotches or birthmark that was more interesting to stare at than his ability or lack of, to suck cock. Similar birthmark too around his buttocks, I think. Either that or he sure didn’t wash well, or had some skin coloring that got washed off in spots.
The cum shots were okay. Nothing to write home about, and while cum shots are David’s favourite, even he was sort of bored by these ones. Still, they were better than what had been shown so far.
Now Scene 5 is maybe the worse scene of the video. It starts out with a whole group of naked men in an old style swimming establishment. I mean a place under some ancient ruins, and the first thing you notice is the rushing water being pumped into it. The second thing is the naked men are not Twinks. These are mostly muscle types, or beefy men who have long past their 22nd birthdays.
Lots of horseplay, sort of. Guys splashing others, fake fighting, and cavorting around. Nothing but guys naked in a pool. I suppose that you could call this a lead in to the sex, though frankly I just considered it as nothing more than filler. I didn’t class it as building up anything for me.
It is a huge cavernous area, so sound echoes quite loudly, and that includes that damn rushing water sound. Voices echo, including the laughter, the moans and groans that eventually do happen. Which is after you see these group of naked guys get out of the pool area, and head off in two’s. There is one group of three that leave, and then suddenly you are faced with no one in the pool, then two are by a wall and railing.
Then you get the sex, and right near that damn spout that is gushing water, and boy do you hear that rushing water. Now you would think too, that as they are naked, you’d see a lot of cock in this scene. Dream on sunshine.
There are some okay shots, but on the whole, not a hell of a lot. I suppose in comparison to the earlier scenes, maybe a bit more, but not by much. It really is pitiful, and the attempt to look sexy by these older muscle men is really a turn off. The rolling of eyes, the wide open mouths, just doesn’t cut it for me. And don’t get me started on the attempt to use the eyes to convince me they were horny. My dog gives me better looks when she’s hungry, than these guys did at trying to show me they were into each other.
The cum shots were uh, well I think they happened. The ending was so abrupt that I thought the DVD had broken, or that the video was over. Unfortunately it wasn’t either of those. It just ended and headed into the last and final scene.
It is quick, but as this final scene suddenly showed up, I could have sworn I saw a flashing credit go by, indicating that perhaps this is a scene added from another video. In some sense, I kind of think so, but hey, it doesn’t matter. If this is from another video, I’d like to know so as to make sure I DON’T RENT THAT ONE EITHER.
To say either of these guys were twinks would do Twinks an injustice. There is a set up, a guy meets a sailor, they go into a building, kiss and fondle a lot in some small alcove or room, then while one had his pants down, he’s suddenly dressed and heading up some stairs. No shirts, but like seeing their bare chests isn’t what I’d call an excitement builder.
I don’t know where to begin on this one. It was so bad, that it was actually laughable. I know I laughed a lot, like when these two morons were trying to fuck. I mean any virgin knows that before you can fuck, you uh have to have a hard cock. This one bent so much as he tried to penetrate the other, that eventually the camera seems to shut off.
You suddenly see only one of the actors, playing with a dildo. Now that was okay, sort of. Solo dildo play but then the shorter hairy dude shows back up, and tries to once more penetrate the guy. I kind of think the guy simply didn’t know how to find the anus, I mean the way he fumbled around so much, first using his fingers, then trying to stuff his bendable dick in, was just well, funny.
The whole scene is a mix of really bad editing. I mean you see this guy lying on the bed, his cock is rock hard, has a condom on it, then suddenly there is this ass staring you in the face, and the second guy is there on top of the first. Then the fun begins. The guy can’t find the other’s hole to stuff his cock in, it goes limp, and the comedy begins.
It really is a joke. To think they paid these guys for sex, it would be like going out, getting a hustler to fuck you, and he can’t get it hard. I hope they got their money back, wish I could after watching this horrible flick.
Stuff like the bed squeaking, but not moving. I mean really, talk about poor sound editing or out of sync camera work. You see a lot of the one guy’s patchy hairy chest, and his tilted back head, but not of the cock. It really is pathetic. The way the sailor finally takes his pants off is a hoot. I mean he struggles and the short hairy dude is no help.
The way he fusses, trying to shuck his undies off is like unreal. It is a good laugh, but you know I rent a porn video to get excited at, not get a laugh out of it. I’ll rent a Robin Williams video for that, not this one. Still it did sort of help break up the boredom, and it did sort of add a bit to what really had been a boring two hours of video watching.
You do get to see the sailor dude stick his knee into his face, smoosh his nose a bit, and then there is the other guy who finally gets to penetrate the sailor’s ass. Course it does plop out a few times, and he does have trouble finding the hole to stuff it back in, and yes a couple of times he does miss, and it rides up the sailor’s ass, before he manages to wiggle it back inside.
The cum shots is well incomplete. They are laying there, stroking themselves off, and while the sailor cums, which isn’t bad, the other doesn’t, and in fact it ends rather abruptly. I mean that part got a cheer out of the wife. The little ‘fin’ that popped up before going back to the DVD menu.
I am going to give this a Rating of 1.
Not because it has any redeeming sexual quality, but I did get a few good belly laughs out of the last scene, and I did manage to stay awake watching it. I didn’t nod off, and I did get a chance to talk a bit with the wife, while the video played. So it gets a 1 out of 5 for that.
If you are hoping to see something artistic, something with lots of nice cocks this isn’t the video for you. If you are looking for good cum shots, good fuck shots, this isn’t the video for you. If you are super desperate for a laugh, well maybe renting scene 6 might help, but uh you’d be better off reading the comic section in the newspaper.
This is a waste of film. It is, however, a good example at what a Porn Video shouldn’t be. So if you are a budding film director, then definitely rent this video here. If you aren’t planning on shooting your own video, or starring in one, then I’d choose another video. If you like Twinks, go for a Bel Ami Video instead, or take your chances with some other studio but don’t bother with Jet Set International.
Happy Trails is the title of this 8 minute little jerk off video from BoyFunk.
