Big Boat

Reviewed by: Ian & David

Copyright © 2007 ? All Rights Reserved

Studio : Studio 2000

Well the wife did better this week in picking us out a flick. He rented Big Boat from Studio 2000 that was okay. It is just porn, even though I guess you could say they attempted to have a theme to it. Though in all honesty, I suppose not many seem to give a shit about that, they just want to see cock and ass.

Okay, so this one does that. However there are some rather scary dudes here. I mean talk about absolutely bored expressions. Some of them didn’t change expression throughout their scene, while others like Tory Mason were actually worth watching. Too bad his partner in Scene 1 could barely blink, let alone show any emotion.

Which brings up a rather sore point for me. Well okay there are a couple that I don’t quite get. To begin with we rent our videos from our local sex shop. Hey, I know I have 5 pay per view options, but the wife likes to go to this place. They have a cute night dude, plus I think the wife enjoys looking at all the sex toys they have. The handcuffs, dildo’s and other stuff.

I am sure one night, he’s gonna come home with a John Holmes dildo, though given how he isn’t super stretched out, I rather doubt it.

Point is this, we pay $6 to rent the video. This same video is available from Sureflixxx for $16.49. Yeah, I mean can you believe that? For 102 minutes of okay sex, with okay actors, you gotta pay that kind of money? Sure you can just get the scenes and frankly they aren’t cheap either. Just under $6 for two of them, under $5 for the other three. Oh, that is each scene by the way.

I suppose it is the price of convenience. Still, I don’t get prices anymore. They seem to just keep going up, and the quality doesn’t seem to go up with it either. Anyhow, it pisses me off, because I am a cheap son of a bitch.

The other point is the facial expressions some of these actors display when they are getting fucked up the ass. Hell, some of them have the same expressions when getting sucked off, or being rimmed. I don’t know, but next time I take the wife to bed, I am gonna set the camera onto video, and see what his face looks like. I just can’t buy into the way these guys all look like they are in intense pain. It just doesn’t seem real, and for so long too. I mean okay, first penetration can hurt, specially if the guy is hung, but come on, once he gets going, you get used to it. Not these guys.

Back to the video though. Scene 1 and 4 would be my choices to rent just a scene. The action was quick in Scene 4. It wasn’t as long as Scene 1, and didn’t have any of the foreplay I tend to enjoy. Scene 1 now was supposedly the set up for the whole video, though I didn’t think so. Plus there was a lot more foreplay happening in it. More kissing, fondling, and sucking than in Scene 4.

above from Scene 1

above from Scene 4

As to the rest, well I’d pass myself. If you are going to rent the others, might as well rent the whole video.

There isn’t a lot of dialogue in the entire video. Lots of groans, and lots of ‘oh yeahs’ but nothing much. Guess when its just porn, you don’t need a lot of guys talking. The music wasn’t overpowering either, so that is a plus.

On the whole, it was an okay porn flick. The camera work wasn’t anything to brag about, but you got to see cock, got to see decent anal sex shots, and the rim shots were maybe the weakest of the whole thing. The cum scenes weren’t bad either. I mean you at least got to see it, and there was lots of cum spewing, for those who like that.

What I didn’t care for is some of the obvious playing to the camera, rather than having sex. Couple of shots were like that, specially in the second scene. Still, I can see why too, as they were making sure the viewer could see the action. However, the actors made it more pronounced than maybe it should have been. Okay, I know, nit picking, but hey we paid $6 to watch this stuff.

The wife liked it, as he got off twice. He did enjoy the cum shots the most, and he did find a couple of the actors interesting. So did I as well. I don’t know if I would label this a twink only video though. Yes, some of them looked ‘twinkish’ but others certainly didn’t. Receding hairlines and all were a dead give away.

They were all fit looking, no rack of bones which was good. I hate the emaciated look that seems so popular. And as I said, I did find a couple who were to my taste as well.

All in all, I am going to give this a 3 Star rating. I think that for a porn video it did deliver. It wasn’t spectacular or anything, and the acting wasn’t really there for the most part. Plus, to be honest, a couple of them sure need a few lessons on how to suck a cock. They were too timid, and only sucked just the head, not really taking much more of the cock. That was disappointing.

Tory Mason on the other hand was interesting. I liked his expressions, not just facial features but his eyes and lips. He managed to convey an interest, a sort of what I’d call lust. Too bad his partner was so lame. He is also in the final scene, a group type scene that was, well bit boring for me.

Bottom line, its okay. You get to see lots of different cocks, some good anal sex shots, and relatively good cum shots. The rim shots were weak. But there was a couple of them, one in a sort of 69 ass lick that I hadn’t seen too often. So you decide, if you want to spend the money on this from either your video store, or from my Pay Per View theatre.

Watch Big Boat Here.

2 Bare Dicks in my Hall of Shit

Reviewed by: Ian & David

Copyright © 2007 ? All Rights Reserved

Studio : Blue Pictures

A bareback porn flick, from Blue Pictures. Frankly the studio should be called knucklehead productions, or kiss my ass studio because this is a dog of a flick.

Where to begin?

To begin with, the actors, if you can call them that, are pitiful. In all of the scenes, there is at least one obnoxious moaner, who really needs to have a butt plug or something in their mouth. I mean talk about total turn off, these moaners certainly knew how to take a moment and totally ruin it.

The music is soft, but annoying.

The camera work, is well, let us just say it does have its moments, but for the most part is just some moron panning from one to the other. It doesn’t offer a lot of change, and the views in every single are identical. Sort of as if the camera is positioned in one place, actors set in front, and told to hump.

I was not enthralled by the actors. There were a couple that weren’t bad looking but I have to say, they sure didn’t seem to know much about sex. It was so stilted, that you had to wonder if they even knew what a cock was.

No set up, nothing. Just right into action with the barest possible beginnings and all the scenes were identical from the start to the finish. I mean nothing different, not different positions, nothing. Each one identical, did I say that yet?

Even the wife was not impressed, and that is hard to do. I mean he is usually not to worried about set ups or stuff, but even he was turned off by this waste of money. Yes, a waste of money, and not just because it was so unimaginative either.

For example, the photography of the guys sucking each other off. Oh, I forgot, it is all threesomes. No duos, just three guys doing each other, well doing one mostly. It is so staged, so faked in expressions that it is no wonder they don’t really keep focused on much. I mean the camera would show a really good shot of a hard cock being stuffed into a mouth, then suddenly all you see is the crazy looking facial expressions of the guy being sucked. And the camera lingers there more than on the cocks.

The fucking is not any better. I mean, yes there are some damn good pictures of one guy in each group taking both cocks up his ass, at the same time. Now that has to hurt, or is that bottom ever loose. I’ll opt for placing my money on the latter. Now the photography of that was good, but not long enough. It would then focus onto the faces or the shoulders jerking as the cocks are pounded in. Okay, not pounded really, sort of just moved in and out a tiny bit.

I’ll be honest, I just laughed at most of it, or yelled at the idiots who were on the screen. I mean, the constant moans and groans were so over the top that it was sickening. The real focus was on the guys, not the sex either. And for a lot of the time, the stroking or such, was hidden by hands in the way. I mean at least show the friggin cock, not some idiots knuckles clenched around something. That is just not gonna make anyone hard.

The cum scenes were equally bad. I mean each shot showed one in the middle, the other two standing to jerk off, and always, the guy in the centre already had cum dripping off him. I mean uh, hello, that’s supposed to be a money shot for us poor guys watching. Not with this flick.

Yes you can rent this dog from my online theatre, but why would you? It really isn’t worth it, and while there are some good cock shots, good fuck shots, there aren’t good cum shots, not what I’d call good sucking shots either, so why waste your money?

We wasted ours, you don’t have to. I rate this, and the wife concurs, as a 1, only because of some of the camera work.

Heaven to Hell

Reviewed by: Ian & David

Copyright © 2007 ? All Rights Reserved

Studio : Falcon

The wife was in one of her moods when she picked this one out. Now I am not really into ‘rough’ style sex, which I suppose this video is sort of. No, it isn’t BDSM or any of that, just sex done a wee bit more intense, rougher. Lovemaking it isn’t, in other words.

Kudos to whoever dreamed this video theme up too. It actually had a theme, and yes even a bit of a story to it, though that sort of didn’t last. It more or less died after the beginning but you know, it didn’t really matter all that much.

And surprises of surprises, it actually got the wife horny. Now that alone should get this two stars, never mind the rest. However there is more, and while I am not a fan I have to admit. It was a good choice, for a change. I mean if you been following this review, the wife is not what you would call a great picker of videos. This was an exception.

In checking, seems that Chi Chi LaRue is the Director and you know, the set is done well. It isn’t cheap looking or trashy looking, and it does fit the theme totally. So do the actors who actually wear their costumes well. They aren’t cheap and it is the little details that add to the whole ambience of the video fantasy. It helps make you buy into the theme.

The music wasn’t over powering either. It fit the mood and the action as well. It was well used to build the suspense aspect, to set the mood. This is what music should do in porn videos, which most studios forget. They use it more to cover the over the top groans from the actors.

There were moments when I wish the music was a bit louder, for that reason. However, that is the nature of the beast. The Actors actually acted their parts. There was good facial expressions, and while some had over the top groans during sex, it really didn’t matter all that much. The quality of the camera work, the big stiff cocks, were enough to make one ignore the small flaws.

These are not twinks either. So if you are a twink fan, forget it. However if what you are looking for is beefy men with nice bodies, hard big dicks, then this is a video for you. It has that, and a lot of spitting too. Man I don’t like that part of porn, but seems to be a staple of the beast.

There is some good ass play in the entire video. Good camera shots of nice pink holes, of the action. Same with the sucking of the cocks, the fucking. All of the action was well played out, clear to watch, which in itself is unusual. The video had its bad moments, but that could simply be that these aren’t my style of men.

The guys all had muscles. They had huge cocks and unlike most porn flicks, the cocks were rock hard. The Actors took care in showing them, in letting the camera see the whole action. It wasn’t hidden behind thighs, arms or anything. You got to see it all, and I suppose that is partly why the wife sported his own wood most of the time. He could see the ‘beautiful penises’ as he puts it. And there certainly were some nice ones.

The fucking was just as well shown. You didn’t get a lot of legs in the ways, or shots of just thighs thumping. You saw the cock going in and out, with condoms. Didn’t really see them go on, but you could see them on the dicks. That’s what counts.

There was a lot of ass licking, or rimming. Not a lot of fingering, but loads of rimming. So again, if that is your thing, then this is a pretty decent choice to make. It has good shots of it, good angles, and you can see it isn’t faked either.

The cum shots were weak I thought. Too much over the top groans from several of the Actors, but hell, that is not a deal breaker. You did get to see them all cum, but it wasn’t as well shown as say the ass licking. Can’t figure out why, but you did get to see most of it, just not real close until afterwards.

Lots of facials too. Cum facials that is.

All in all, I’d give this at least a 4 star rating. The wife enjoyed it, had his fun. I will say it isn’t a 5 simply because maybe it was a little too long. It is 165 minutes you know. You know, good flicks that accomplish their task, shouldn’t be quite so long. I know that Bel Ami does give you long videos as well, and frankly it can become stale, boring even when they are just too long. This video, falls into that category.

Now it is available at my AEBN Theatre if you are interested. Be nice if you were, as it helps pays the bills, and oh yeah, helps pay for the rentals. The wife rented two so do think about renting this one.

Kind of reminds me of Pleasure Express. I mean how much care they took in the entire set design, the sticking to the general theme. This video does that, and better for you and me, it does let you jack off.

There is not a whole lot of dialogue in the entire video. That really is okay, but the Actors did manage to actually convey a lot with just their expressions and body language. Add the right tempo of the music, and there really was no need for lots of talk. In short, it was the right mix.

Hell, the whole video was the right mix of music, expressions, talk, and action. It was clear, crisp to watch. The action was a little bit lengthy, but hey some people need longer to stroke than others.

Interested? Then you can WATCH THIS VIDEO HERE

Fullfilled

Reviewed by: Ian & David

Copyright © 2007 ? All Rights Reserved

Studio : Falcon

Not my type of Video really. Call it Rough Guy or maybe Stud or Hunk but certainly not Twink. I guess I am just a Twink Fan at heart, but the wife, now he likes all kinds of porn it seems. He actually enjoyed this flick, it got him horny, got him off, so I suppose in that sense, this is a good video.

Myself, I find that most of the Porn Actors today are just there to have sex. They really can’t act worth shit, nor do most Porn Flicks even have a theme to them, let alone an actual story. This one had sort of a theme, but certainly no real story to it. Still, it didn’t matter to the wife.

There were nice shots of cocks, ass action and his favourite, loads of Cum. He does enjoy the cum shots and I have to admit, there certainly was some. However, I really wasn’t impressed by the way it was all done. I guess I am a romantic at heart. This certainly was not romantic, but rough.

I mean, hell just look at the size of the damn dildo they used in three of the four scenes. Oh yeah, only four scenes as this isn’t what you would call a long video, thankfully. But damn no way you’d get one of those things, that size, near my little butt hole. It had to hurt, and in some ways I think you could tell it did. Well for one of them. The other’s seemed to manage nicely, which kind of worries me. I mean, damn that’s gotta be one stretched asshole.

There was one scene that got me rather sick to the tummy. That was the guy shoving his fist (more or less) in the other’s mouth, then his own. I don’t know, that kind of stuff sort of grosses me out, but I suppose whatever works. More I watch some of these other niches videos, more I wonder if maybe I just ain’t some damn prude. Could be, though I don’t know, maybe its just having an odd perception of what is sex and what isn’t.

I’d not call the actors ‘pretty boys’ either. I mean Bel Ami Boys are well built, have good muscle definition to them, and clearly work out. Yet they have something more, a certain boyish look that I guess is what makes them Twinks over the age thing. Plus, I think they like what they do. I am not so sure if North American actors really do. Maybe it is the money thing, or something but they rarely show honest emotion when they have sex. This video was pretty much like that. Not a whole lot of emotion on the faces, and when you saw it, well, it just didn’t ring true.

It also had audio. Not just music, but talking and I guess sort of a script, but I’d much rather it had no talking. I hate Videos that have talking but it is done so poorly you are too busy guessing at what they said. If they are going to have talking, then at least make it audible, or use subtitles so we can read what they say.

Conversation can add to the ambience of a video. So can good background music. For my money, this flick would have been better served without either. The sound quality was that bad, and it certainly doesn’t help in building up the fantasy.

The images were good. I mean the camera work was good, they actors were hard and had nice looking cocks. Some were uncut. The sex was stilted and the last group scene was just sort of out of the blue. Out of the scenes, it was the worst of the worst, for me. Now David, he didn’t seem to mind it. In fact, he rather liked it.

I rather thought the sex in that scene was over the top, but he didn’t. I mean here I am, married to the guy for 2 years legally, 11 years unofficially and I really don’t know him as well as maybe, I should. Seems my little twink likes his sex a bit rougher. Go figure.

Myself, I’d rate this video at 2, but the wife would object. He thought it was good, and I suppose that is what it is all about. This is definitely a porn video. It has no real story to it, no hook really. There is a very loose theme that was more or less carried off. The photography was good, the acting typical North American dullness.

Yet, the wife managed to get aroused, and yes he did cum, so I suppose that alone has to make this video a bit more than a 1 rating.

It is available in my Pay Per View theatre, and you can check it out HERE. According to them, it is listed as a Muscle , Hardcore genre, but hey, what do I know. It is available by scenes as well.

Should you rent it?

For myself, no you shouldn’t. It is okay if you want to just get off, but it isn’t what I’d call exactly a humdinger. Now David, he says yes, so I suppose if you enjoy the Muscle type, enjoy just seeing meaningless sex done a bit rough, then I guess so.

XL 3

Reviewed by: Ian & David

Copyright © 2007 ? All Rights Reserved

Studio : Bel Ami

If all you want in a movie, is to see guys stripping, jerking their cocks while watching a video, then XL is a good movie for you to rent.

There are lots of youngish looking men in this flick, some are interviewed, some aren’t. They all have long uncut dicks and the editing is okay, as you get to see them jerk off. The cum shots are not bad, and that is the sum of the whole video.

There is nothing else, it is just guys who applied to Bel Ami who had big dicks, jerking off as an audition. Some were asked questions, all subtitled of course, and that is it.

One of Bel Ami’s best? Not by any long shot. I wasn’t enamored by the models, though I will say one or two weren’t nice to look at. There was simply nothing to it, other than good cock shots, very nice cum shots, and it ends there.

Basically it is simply a collection of audition footage, for those who really didn’t get beyond the basic criteria of having a nice cock. For some that might be enough, for some studio’s that might be enough to hire them, but for this video, well, it was flat.

Both David and myself enjoy Bel Ami. This one wasn’t what I’d call a true Bel Ami video, as there just wasn’t the connection. It was flat, boring even as the models weren’t our ideal Bel Ami twinks.

There is a whole series of these flicks, and frankly it is something we’d rent perhaps just to see who didn’t make it to the next stage of auditions for Bel Ami. For jerking off, I don’t even think the wife would consider this a great choice.

So if your tastes are like ours, save the cash. On the other hand, just want to whack off to others pulling their dick, or to good shots of cum, then hey I suppose it could do the trick.