Danube Dream

Reviewed by: Ian & David

Copyright © 2007 ? All Rights Reserved

Studio : Jet Set

Standard formula for this porn flick. Danube Dream (available from TLA) is not what I would call entertaining. In fact I’d call it boring. The actors look bored for the most part, and they sure don’t seem to like sucking cock. Even though they go through the motions for what seems like hours on end.

At best, they suck the head of the cock, pretending like they suck the whole thing, and it is all rather sedate, except for the techno music that just is so out of sync with the action, that it is really annoying in spots. Music can enhance a good production, too bad this isn’t one of those productions.

Frankly, I think the wife wasted the rental fee on this one.

However, if you enjoy seeing cocks, the photography is good on that score. You do get some good visuals of uncut cocks, of cocks spurting. Problem is, it takes forever to get to the cum shots, and there just isn’t much to the camera angles.

The wife likes to watch the cum shots over and over again. This is a movie he didn’t bother to do that with. Now the cum shots were okay, but there wasn’t the real good close ups. So if cum is your thing, well try a different video.

If uncut penises are your thing, well there are some nice shots of those. Not always hard mind you, and the fuck scenes are well, boring. You don’t get any real good shots until the end scenes, but by then I was nearly falling asleep.

Yes, I am jaded, but there was nothing to the video at all. It was supposed to be about some sailor walking into some dingy underground bar, and dreaming of the guys naked, all making out. Good premises, tried by others, with as much success. In short, not well done at all.

These aren’t twinks either, nor are they bears. I’d call it simply over twink under grandpa type actors. There was one cute one, but after watching this video, the only thing that interests me is to know who has the hairspray concession? I mean nary a strand out of place for any of these guys, no matter how hard they are pounding another’s ass. Hell the first fuck scene, I swear the guy looked like he was napping. Not a muscle moved while the other guy ploughed him.

The only redeeming quality I found is that if you need a jump start on getting horny, this video might aid you in thinking of something, but then again, it might also turn you off. Like I said, the cock shots are good, so that might get you to wondering about some guy you saw walking down the street, and then you might enjoy yourself wanking off, but not to the stilted, repetitive, action of this one.

It pisses me off actually. I mean they pay money to these guys to have sex, and they are so bored or act so over the top, that you wonder if maybe the actors are paying the studio to be in the flick. It really has little direction to it, and what there is, well they might as well not have any.

TLA lists this video at $49.99 and that is about $49 too much to pay for this film. Even the price of rental is too much, unless it was available for like a buck.

Jet Set Direct Collection of Shorts

Reviewed by: Ian & David

Copyright © 2007 ? All Rights Reserved

Studio : Jet Set

A collection of short contrived sex scenes, that should have been left on the cutting room floor. Seriously, there isn’t much to rant about after watching this boring, poorly edited masterpiece from Jet Set.

You know, it makes sense now why Video on Demand sales sometimes really tank. Given how many movies are out there, and how few are worth watching at times, it has to be a friggin nightmare for a viewer.

We paid good money to the local store, and in return we got, maybe a nickels worth of entertainment. So yeah, I feel ripped off, but then in looking back at some of the other duds we have seen, well, this isn’t better, or any worse I suppose.

Hell some of the guys weren’t totally unattractive, though none seemed to be able to act worth shit. The sound, the camera angles had its moments, but they weren’t consistent. I mean if you want to see cock, let’s not cover it up with a fist, or start jerking the camera around.

There were moments, as I said, but the music, the dialog, was to say the least annoying. The various angles were more hit an miss than anything. Mostly miss though.

In addition, some of the way they moved from scene to scene, within a scene, or clip, was to say the least, choppy. Then we have our favourite parts, the sex sounds. I mean holy mother of, let me say that it would be nice if they were at least in sync, and even then I don’t know if I’d say they were real. Some sounded okay, but you know, it went on and on forever. It was certainly not getting me aroused, nor did it do much for the wife.

In fact, thinking about it, the wife didn’t cum. He pulled the pants up after I think the opening credits. Okay, no not that bad, but was in the second scene or there about. Now you know, that isn’t good. The guy is a horn dog, but if this can’t get him pumping, it sure as hell won’t get you going.