Skateboard Sliders 3

Reviewed by: Ian & David

Copyright © 2007 ? All Rights Reserved

Studio : Tribal Pulse

Stars : Kaleb Hayes, Hans Ebson, Sam Dixon, Cody Scott, Johnny Doom, Xavier (b), Tony Alvarez, Ollie Kicks, Drew Peters, Tiger (b), Lark Larson, Tommy Hawk, Coby Kincade

I swear, next week I am going with the wife to pick out a video to watch, because I would really, and I do mean really, like to watch something that doesn’t piss me off. I really don’t get the ‘Religious Right’ and their objection to porn movies, because frankly I don’t see how any of what I am watching excite anyone, let alone lead them into a path of sexual perversion.

You would assume, that a flick about Skateboarders would at least have some nice looking, buff twinks. Not in this flick. Hell the last scene had to have 40 something actors. If they weren’t, well, then boy do they need to see a hair specialist about some transplants. I mean talk about bald spots!

Like most North American Porn, there is no plot, no acting, no real set up either. While the video made an attempt at one, they should have simply passed on it. It truly was pathetic, uninspiring and frankly annoying.

There are some good points, I suppose. One of them being that they use condoms. I know, some prefer condom less sex, but in this day and age, Condoms just make sense. Point two, the blow jobs weren’t bad.

And there ends the good points.

There was even an attempt at some Dildo Play, but uh, well you got see some of it going in, and that was it. I mean seriously, you see this white shaft, with most already in, and then the whole thing is covered up with the dude trying to stuff is limp dick in while the dildo is there. You never do see the dildo again either. Makes you wonder, did it fall out, or get swallowed up inside the guys ass?

I have seen bored people before, but not like these guys, and that is with their cocks in someone’s ass. I mean their expressions, in the first scene, didn’t vary one bit. It didn’t matter if they were being sucked, stroked, played with, fucking, nothing. They had the same dull blank expression on their faces.

The slurping noises in the first scene were so bad, so loud, that we turned the sound off. Now ever watch lifeless guys fucking and have no sound? BORING! What was worse was the occasional twang of music thrown in, in spots that is. We did turn the volume up a tad, just in case. The dialogue was uh absent, and you gotta wonder why they bothered with giving you a language choice at the beginning. I mean there sure as hell wasn’t much in the entire video, and what there was, well it was incoherent and barely audible.

This video is available in my online video theatre #2, and if you are really desperate, you can Rent It Here. I wouldn’t though, I’d pick something else out, unless you are really desperate.

The Blow Jobs, sucking action, was okay. You got to see the cocks pretty good, and the balls. So if you like to get off watching guys being sucked off, then I suppose this will do the trick. However, if you like to see good fucking, and I mean see it, then forget this movie.

What you get is a lot of hips, thighs, legs in the air and butts. There are some shots of the cock penetrating, that I guess you could say were okay. However, most of the fucking shots were of the hips going in, the top’s ass moving. Sort of okay shots of their holes, but really these aren’t what I’d call Grade A porn stars. Their looks certainly didn’t make me think Skateboarders, or Twinks.

The cum scenes are bad. One second nothing, then the guy’s chest is covered in milky cum. You really don’t get any good close ups, so if cum is your turn on, again stay clear of this video. There are some okay shots, but a couple looked faked to me. I mean you see the guy sort of cum, see it all over the guy, then all of a sudden from out of camera view, comes a gob of cum. It is so fast, you don’t know if it is cum, the guy spitting, or someone throwing some fake stuff onto the prone actor.

Kind of shit.

There was a couple of rim jobs too. Again, there really isn’t much to see other than a guy’s head in between another’s guy butt. I mean, you sort of get the idea of what is happening, but no good visuals.

There even was some shots where the camera panned from a nice good cock shot, to a blurred face. Like that really got me turned on. NOT.

Normally, even the crap movies, the wife is able to get off. This one was a real struggle, but he managed, sort of. Still, this was not even good for just grabbing your dick and jerking off. There are spots, but only if oral sex is the big turn on. Anything else, you going to be hard pressed to see, let alone get off on.

I rate this as a 2, only because the oral sex scenes were okay. The wife did manage to get off, so that sort of kept it from being a 1, or a zero.

I think, if you really want to watch a video, find a different one than this one, HERE.

2 Bare Dicks in my Hall of Shit

Reviewed by: Ian & David

Copyright © 2007 ? All Rights Reserved

Studio : Blue Pictures

A bareback porn flick, from Blue Pictures. Frankly the studio should be called knucklehead productions, or kiss my ass studio because this is a dog of a flick.

Where to begin?

To begin with, the actors, if you can call them that, are pitiful. In all of the scenes, there is at least one obnoxious moaner, who really needs to have a butt plug or something in their mouth. I mean talk about total turn off, these moaners certainly knew how to take a moment and totally ruin it.

The music is soft, but annoying.

The camera work, is well, let us just say it does have its moments, but for the most part is just some moron panning from one to the other. It doesn’t offer a lot of change, and the views in every single are identical. Sort of as if the camera is positioned in one place, actors set in front, and told to hump.

I was not enthralled by the actors. There were a couple that weren’t bad looking but I have to say, they sure didn’t seem to know much about sex. It was so stilted, that you had to wonder if they even knew what a cock was.

No set up, nothing. Just right into action with the barest possible beginnings and all the scenes were identical from the start to the finish. I mean nothing different, not different positions, nothing. Each one identical, did I say that yet?

Even the wife was not impressed, and that is hard to do. I mean he is usually not to worried about set ups or stuff, but even he was turned off by this waste of money. Yes, a waste of money, and not just because it was so unimaginative either.

For example, the photography of the guys sucking each other off. Oh, I forgot, it is all threesomes. No duos, just three guys doing each other, well doing one mostly. It is so staged, so faked in expressions that it is no wonder they don’t really keep focused on much. I mean the camera would show a really good shot of a hard cock being stuffed into a mouth, then suddenly all you see is the crazy looking facial expressions of the guy being sucked. And the camera lingers there more than on the cocks.

The fucking is not any better. I mean, yes there are some damn good pictures of one guy in each group taking both cocks up his ass, at the same time. Now that has to hurt, or is that bottom ever loose. I’ll opt for placing my money on the latter. Now the photography of that was good, but not long enough. It would then focus onto the faces or the shoulders jerking as the cocks are pounded in. Okay, not pounded really, sort of just moved in and out a tiny bit.

I’ll be honest, I just laughed at most of it, or yelled at the idiots who were on the screen. I mean, the constant moans and groans were so over the top that it was sickening. The real focus was on the guys, not the sex either. And for a lot of the time, the stroking or such, was hidden by hands in the way. I mean at least show the friggin cock, not some idiots knuckles clenched around something. That is just not gonna make anyone hard.

The cum scenes were equally bad. I mean each shot showed one in the middle, the other two standing to jerk off, and always, the guy in the centre already had cum dripping off him. I mean uh, hello, that’s supposed to be a money shot for us poor guys watching. Not with this flick.

Yes you can rent this dog from my online theatre, but why would you? It really isn’t worth it, and while there are some good cock shots, good fuck shots, there aren’t good cum shots, not what I’d call good sucking shots either, so why waste your money?

We wasted ours, you don’t have to. I rate this, and the wife concurs, as a 1, only because of some of the camera work.

Heaven to Hell

Reviewed by: Ian & David

Copyright © 2007 ? All Rights Reserved

Studio : Falcon

The wife was in one of her moods when she picked this one out. Now I am not really into ‘rough’ style sex, which I suppose this video is sort of. No, it isn’t BDSM or any of that, just sex done a wee bit more intense, rougher. Lovemaking it isn’t, in other words.

Kudos to whoever dreamed this video theme up too. It actually had a theme, and yes even a bit of a story to it, though that sort of didn’t last. It more or less died after the beginning but you know, it didn’t really matter all that much.

And surprises of surprises, it actually got the wife horny. Now that alone should get this two stars, never mind the rest. However there is more, and while I am not a fan I have to admit. It was a good choice, for a change. I mean if you been following this review, the wife is not what you would call a great picker of videos. This was an exception.

In checking, seems that Chi Chi LaRue is the Director and you know, the set is done well. It isn’t cheap looking or trashy looking, and it does fit the theme totally. So do the actors who actually wear their costumes well. They aren’t cheap and it is the little details that add to the whole ambience of the video fantasy. It helps make you buy into the theme.

The music wasn’t over powering either. It fit the mood and the action as well. It was well used to build the suspense aspect, to set the mood. This is what music should do in porn videos, which most studios forget. They use it more to cover the over the top groans from the actors.

There were moments when I wish the music was a bit louder, for that reason. However, that is the nature of the beast. The Actors actually acted their parts. There was good facial expressions, and while some had over the top groans during sex, it really didn’t matter all that much. The quality of the camera work, the big stiff cocks, were enough to make one ignore the small flaws.

These are not twinks either. So if you are a twink fan, forget it. However if what you are looking for is beefy men with nice bodies, hard big dicks, then this is a video for you. It has that, and a lot of spitting too. Man I don’t like that part of porn, but seems to be a staple of the beast.

There is some good ass play in the entire video. Good camera shots of nice pink holes, of the action. Same with the sucking of the cocks, the fucking. All of the action was well played out, clear to watch, which in itself is unusual. The video had its bad moments, but that could simply be that these aren’t my style of men.

The guys all had muscles. They had huge cocks and unlike most porn flicks, the cocks were rock hard. The Actors took care in showing them, in letting the camera see the whole action. It wasn’t hidden behind thighs, arms or anything. You got to see it all, and I suppose that is partly why the wife sported his own wood most of the time. He could see the ‘beautiful penises’ as he puts it. And there certainly were some nice ones.

The fucking was just as well shown. You didn’t get a lot of legs in the ways, or shots of just thighs thumping. You saw the cock going in and out, with condoms. Didn’t really see them go on, but you could see them on the dicks. That’s what counts.

There was a lot of ass licking, or rimming. Not a lot of fingering, but loads of rimming. So again, if that is your thing, then this is a pretty decent choice to make. It has good shots of it, good angles, and you can see it isn’t faked either.

The cum shots were weak I thought. Too much over the top groans from several of the Actors, but hell, that is not a deal breaker. You did get to see them all cum, but it wasn’t as well shown as say the ass licking. Can’t figure out why, but you did get to see most of it, just not real close until afterwards.

Lots of facials too. Cum facials that is.

All in all, I’d give this at least a 4 star rating. The wife enjoyed it, had his fun. I will say it isn’t a 5 simply because maybe it was a little too long. It is 165 minutes you know. You know, good flicks that accomplish their task, shouldn’t be quite so long. I know that Bel Ami does give you long videos as well, and frankly it can become stale, boring even when they are just too long. This video, falls into that category.

Now it is available at my AEBN Theatre if you are interested. Be nice if you were, as it helps pays the bills, and oh yeah, helps pay for the rentals. The wife rented two so do think about renting this one.

Kind of reminds me of Pleasure Express. I mean how much care they took in the entire set design, the sticking to the general theme. This video does that, and better for you and me, it does let you jack off.

There is not a whole lot of dialogue in the entire video. That really is okay, but the Actors did manage to actually convey a lot with just their expressions and body language. Add the right tempo of the music, and there really was no need for lots of talk. In short, it was the right mix.

Hell, the whole video was the right mix of music, expressions, talk, and action. It was clear, crisp to watch. The action was a little bit lengthy, but hey some people need longer to stroke than others.

Interested? Then you can WATCH THIS VIDEO HERE

Fullfilled

Reviewed by: Ian & David

Copyright © 2007 ? All Rights Reserved

Studio : Falcon

Not my type of Video really. Call it Rough Guy or maybe Stud or Hunk but certainly not Twink. I guess I am just a Twink Fan at heart, but the wife, now he likes all kinds of porn it seems. He actually enjoyed this flick, it got him horny, got him off, so I suppose in that sense, this is a good video.

Myself, I find that most of the Porn Actors today are just there to have sex. They really can’t act worth shit, nor do most Porn Flicks even have a theme to them, let alone an actual story. This one had sort of a theme, but certainly no real story to it. Still, it didn’t matter to the wife.

There were nice shots of cocks, ass action and his favourite, loads of Cum. He does enjoy the cum shots and I have to admit, there certainly was some. However, I really wasn’t impressed by the way it was all done. I guess I am a romantic at heart. This certainly was not romantic, but rough.

I mean, hell just look at the size of the damn dildo they used in three of the four scenes. Oh yeah, only four scenes as this isn’t what you would call a long video, thankfully. But damn no way you’d get one of those things, that size, near my little butt hole. It had to hurt, and in some ways I think you could tell it did. Well for one of them. The other’s seemed to manage nicely, which kind of worries me. I mean, damn that’s gotta be one stretched asshole.

There was one scene that got me rather sick to the tummy. That was the guy shoving his fist (more or less) in the other’s mouth, then his own. I don’t know, that kind of stuff sort of grosses me out, but I suppose whatever works. More I watch some of these other niches videos, more I wonder if maybe I just ain’t some damn prude. Could be, though I don’t know, maybe its just having an odd perception of what is sex and what isn’t.

I’d not call the actors ‘pretty boys’ either. I mean Bel Ami Boys are well built, have good muscle definition to them, and clearly work out. Yet they have something more, a certain boyish look that I guess is what makes them Twinks over the age thing. Plus, I think they like what they do. I am not so sure if North American actors really do. Maybe it is the money thing, or something but they rarely show honest emotion when they have sex. This video was pretty much like that. Not a whole lot of emotion on the faces, and when you saw it, well, it just didn’t ring true.

It also had audio. Not just music, but talking and I guess sort of a script, but I’d much rather it had no talking. I hate Videos that have talking but it is done so poorly you are too busy guessing at what they said. If they are going to have talking, then at least make it audible, or use subtitles so we can read what they say.

Conversation can add to the ambience of a video. So can good background music. For my money, this flick would have been better served without either. The sound quality was that bad, and it certainly doesn’t help in building up the fantasy.

The images were good. I mean the camera work was good, they actors were hard and had nice looking cocks. Some were uncut. The sex was stilted and the last group scene was just sort of out of the blue. Out of the scenes, it was the worst of the worst, for me. Now David, he didn’t seem to mind it. In fact, he rather liked it.

I rather thought the sex in that scene was over the top, but he didn’t. I mean here I am, married to the guy for 2 years legally, 11 years unofficially and I really don’t know him as well as maybe, I should. Seems my little twink likes his sex a bit rougher. Go figure.

Myself, I’d rate this video at 2, but the wife would object. He thought it was good, and I suppose that is what it is all about. This is definitely a porn video. It has no real story to it, no hook really. There is a very loose theme that was more or less carried off. The photography was good, the acting typical North American dullness.

Yet, the wife managed to get aroused, and yes he did cum, so I suppose that alone has to make this video a bit more than a 1 rating.

It is available in my Pay Per View theatre, and you can check it out HERE. According to them, it is listed as a Muscle , Hardcore genre, but hey, what do I know. It is available by scenes as well.

Should you rent it?

For myself, no you shouldn’t. It is okay if you want to just get off, but it isn’t what I’d call exactly a humdinger. Now David, he says yes, so I suppose if you enjoy the Muscle type, enjoy just seeing meaningless sex done a bit rough, then I guess so.

Danube Dream

Reviewed by: Ian & David

Copyright © 2007 ? All Rights Reserved

Studio : Jet Set

Standard formula for this porn flick. Danube Dream (available from TLA) is not what I would call entertaining. In fact I’d call it boring. The actors look bored for the most part, and they sure don’t seem to like sucking cock. Even though they go through the motions for what seems like hours on end.

At best, they suck the head of the cock, pretending like they suck the whole thing, and it is all rather sedate, except for the techno music that just is so out of sync with the action, that it is really annoying in spots. Music can enhance a good production, too bad this isn’t one of those productions.

Frankly, I think the wife wasted the rental fee on this one.

However, if you enjoy seeing cocks, the photography is good on that score. You do get some good visuals of uncut cocks, of cocks spurting. Problem is, it takes forever to get to the cum shots, and there just isn’t much to the camera angles.

The wife likes to watch the cum shots over and over again. This is a movie he didn’t bother to do that with. Now the cum shots were okay, but there wasn’t the real good close ups. So if cum is your thing, well try a different video.

If uncut penises are your thing, well there are some nice shots of those. Not always hard mind you, and the fuck scenes are well, boring. You don’t get any real good shots until the end scenes, but by then I was nearly falling asleep.

Yes, I am jaded, but there was nothing to the video at all. It was supposed to be about some sailor walking into some dingy underground bar, and dreaming of the guys naked, all making out. Good premises, tried by others, with as much success. In short, not well done at all.

These aren’t twinks either, nor are they bears. I’d call it simply over twink under grandpa type actors. There was one cute one, but after watching this video, the only thing that interests me is to know who has the hairspray concession? I mean nary a strand out of place for any of these guys, no matter how hard they are pounding another’s ass. Hell the first fuck scene, I swear the guy looked like he was napping. Not a muscle moved while the other guy ploughed him.

The only redeeming quality I found is that if you need a jump start on getting horny, this video might aid you in thinking of something, but then again, it might also turn you off. Like I said, the cock shots are good, so that might get you to wondering about some guy you saw walking down the street, and then you might enjoy yourself wanking off, but not to the stilted, repetitive, action of this one.

It pisses me off actually. I mean they pay money to these guys to have sex, and they are so bored or act so over the top, that you wonder if maybe the actors are paying the studio to be in the flick. It really has little direction to it, and what there is, well they might as well not have any.

TLA lists this video at $49.99 and that is about $49 too much to pay for this film. Even the price of rental is too much, unless it was available for like a buck.