Clearing the Air

By Ian Kovnats ( Gaystoryman )

Copyright © 2008 ? All Rights Reserved

Part (5)

It was a strange feeling for Jeff, as he lay there, just enjoying being in Mike’s presence, in the after glow. In some strange way, he felt more satisfied than at any other time, and as he felt the warmth of Mike’s body next to his, he couldn’t help but wonder at what had taken him so long to speak up, to let Mike know how he had felt.

He really couldn’t help feeling this way, it was really like a dream coming true, like winning the Lottery. Inside he could feel the way his body was still shaking, from the wild emotions that came the second he first touched Mike’s naked body. Not when he managed to breath in that musky scent of his groin, but the actual first touch, his finger against Mike’s flesh.

Even now, he couldn’t believe how it seemed to have made his whole body shake, how it seemed to just suddenly come alive. Like how it actually felt the small current of breeze in the room, how the hairs on his body seemed to all be standing up on end. Nothing had ever made him feel this way, as his eyes once more moved up, to gaze into Mike’s face.

He had seen that look, and now he once more saw it, but there was a cloud or pall coming between them, that he hadn’t noticed before. The look in Mike’s eyes was changing, that made Jeff suddenly feel a sudden coldness creeping in. They had just shared something special, but he could see that the glow of the moment was wearing off, that reality, was once more intruding, coming between them.

The roller coaster seemed to be running, as he felt dejected for some unknown reason, though deep down he knew that the elation wouldn’t last forever. Staring at Mike, he could see the doubts, the fears too which surprised him. What did Mike have to fear? Did he maybe think Jeff would out him, would talk about how he did his straight friend?

Part of him wanted to reassure Mike, but then another part told him to keep his mouth shut. To not rock the boat, unless necessary, and as he felt the uncertainty inside, he noticed how Mike suddenly drew his legs upwards, pulling them together. A sort of emptiness hit the pit of his stomach, as he saw how Mike seemed on edge, seemed nervous, really.

‘You okay?’

Jeff saw how Mike suddenly twitched, at the sound of his voice, and how his eyes grew a bit wider, like some animal being caught in the sudden glare of a light.

‘Uh yeah, uh, look, I should get going,’

He felt the dejection inside, the sadness, as he saw how suddenly scared Mike looked.

‘Sure? I mean, maybe we could hang out, go to the mall or something.’

‘Uh, can’t, I uh have some errands to run, but maybe another time, I, I’ll call you later, okay?’

‘Yeah, sure.’

Inside, he knew that Mike wasn’t going to call, that somehow what had happened was beginning to bug him, that maybe he wished he hadn’t given in or done it. There was no other way to explain the frightened look on his best friend’s face, as he watched him swing his legs off the bed, opposite to where Jeff was.

He stared at Mike’s backside, as saw him stand up, and move to gather his clothes up, moving sideways, almost. It was like he was ashamed of being naked, of Jeff being able to see him.

Jeff just stared, saying nothing as he watched Mike bend and pick up the clothes, then quickly slide his underwear up. The moment was gone, he knew that, still inside, he didn’t understand what had suddenly changed for Mike. One second they were staring at each other, feeling close, feeling a connection that was more than just physical. Hell, he could still taste him, his seed and he knew he wanted more, but didn’t know how to ask, how to express himself.

Instead of speaking out, he sat there in silence. His own dick no longer aroused, but shrunken, as he saw Mike’s body become once more a mystery to him. The clothes were covering it all, and he could see how Mike’s body suddenly relaxed, once the pants were zipped up and belt buckled.

Jeff could see how his shoulders had relaxed, how every muscle in his back seemed to just let go, and once more there was the familiar slouch to his friend. He felt rather disappointed, even a bit apprehensive, as Mike finally turned to face him. There really wasn’t much else to say, as he saw Mike smile at him, a more or less forced smile. It looked strained, as he just smiled back, still naked.

He also noticed how Mike avoided looking, and yet earlier it was as if he couldn’t stare at him hard enough. How his eyes had taken his naked body in, at how it had gazed at his hard dick. How good that had felt too, and now it was gone, just like that. Somehow, he knew that Mike wasn’t going to call, that some excuse would be given, once he finally did get in touch.

Jeff watched as Mike left the room, not even waiting for him to get off the bed, and dress. It was almost as if he had an urgent need to leave, without really even saying much else, other than a quick ‘later’. He heard him running down the stairs, knowing that he was taking them two at a time, just as they both used to do when heading out together.

He could feel the sudden emptiness inside, the feeling like he had lost Mike. It was not as intense as it had been in the morning, and yet it felt even worse. Jeff couldn’t explain it, as he lay there, not sure what had happened, or if he had done something wrong. Again with the guilt, but even as he finally moved his body, he could still feel the brush of Mike’s pubic hairs against his nose, the press of his groin against his own face.

Trembling a little, he realized that he might never get to feel that again. It wasn’t like he had started out to seduce Mike, to force him into letting him suck him off. That had been Mike’s own idea, first at their spot, and then when he came here. He hadn’t told him he wanted to, least not until Mike forced his confession.

Maybe if he had, first thing, Mike wouldn’t have rushed off so fast. As he let his legs dangle over the bed, and he stared around for his own discarded underwear, he wondered what it was that had gotten Mike rattled, so quickly after? It bugged him, but not like the rejection he had been subjected to earlier in the day. This was a different rejection, one that might not have felt like an arrow in the heart, but in its own way, was far more painful.

He didn’t understand it. If Mike hadn’t wanted to let him suck his dick, why did he? If it bugged him, or something, why did he come back to the house, wait for him, and then push for it? It wasn’t like he had asked him to strip, or to climb onto his bed and spread his legs, with that hard dick sticking up. So why did he feel like Mike was disgusted with him?

For the rest of the day, and evening he found himself walking aimlessly around. Watching television only found him staring at the screen with a blank expression, so that when a program ended, he hadn’t a clue as to what had just finished. Jeff had waited for that phone call, but as he had known, it hadn’t come.

Several times he had reached for the phone, even going so far as to almost dial Mike’s complete cel number, but stopping just as it came time to enter the last digit of the number. Each time, his finger hovered over that last digit, and he simply replaced the receiver.

More times than he could remember, he had looked at his own phone, had clicked it to make sure it was getting a dial tone. He had kept flipping it open, checking the bars, to see if he was still in range, getting a signal, and yet no call ever came through.

In his guts, he felt miserable, knowing that this was not going to be the golden day he had hoped for. Even the fact that he had gotten more than he had dreamed for, in that Mike had let him suck him off, wasn’t helping him feel like he thought he should. He should be bouncing off the walls, with joy, instead of feeling like the world had ended for him.

Truth was, Mike hadn’t said anything to make him feel this way, but his look, how he had acted after, all seemed to be conspiring to making him feel so, well, alone. It wasn’t like he hadn’t gone over it a thousand times, and nothing he could think of, seemed to provide him any answers, as to why the sudden switch.

Granted, Mike was straight, and he had obviously enjoyed the blow job, but so what? How could that make him suddenly not want to be around him, or at least call him? Wasn’t like it was going to be a regular thing. Hell, he didn’t even think of trying to do more, or ask for more. Maybe he had thought about it, at the moment, but no friggin way would he have said or shown that he wanted to do it again, or to do more.

In the past, when he used to think of Mike, of how it would feel to be naked next to him, to hold his cock in his hand, to taste it, it always made him squirm, made him super hard. Yet now, with the real thing firmly planted in his mind, he couldn’t even get it semi hard. Thinking of that cock, of how it had tasted, of how it had smelt, didn’t even get his dick trembling, let alone rock hard.

That isn’t how it was supposed to be, he thought. Coming out to Mike, was supposed to make things easier between them. Least that had been the plan, had been the reason for it. At first it hadn’t, but later, well it had been total confusion, but Mike had seemed to come around, to understand. Or had he?

Had the ties they had made Mike act before he had thought about it? Had his own look, his own look influenced his friend so that he had given in to him, rather than refuse? It was all so confusing, and the more he thought about it, the more confused he got. Even trying to not think about it, was impossible.

Nothing seemed to work, to get his mind from thinking of Mike, of what had happened. He found himself arguing, with himself, as he tried to figure out if he should do anything, or let Mike have the time he needed, to sort out whatever had spooked him.

In the end, he had finally accepted that he couldn’t push Mike, that if he needed time to think, to figure stuff out, he had to give it to him. He came to the conclusion that if he pushed, he’d lose him for sure, something he really was desperate to not see happen.

—–

That long night had finally turned into an endless parade of empty days with more empty nights. Jeff still kept hoping Mike would call, that whatever was eating at him, was confusing him, would sort itself out, but as the days came and went, as the time for his departure to University loomed closer, he began to realize that for now, Mike was lost to him.

It hurt too, and there were times when he found himself in tears really. They had been through a lot in their friendship, and now it seemed like it had all ended, because he was Gay, had a thing for Mike. Maybe he should have lied, not told him how he dreamed of Mike, of how he imagined what it would be like to have sex with him.

Maybe then, Mike wouldn’t have felt obligated to let him suck him off, maybe then Mike would be here now, at the bus station seeing him off, instead of elsewhere. Maybe they would already have plans to meet up, during a long weekend or holiday, instead of him not even knowing if Mike was still talking to him.

No phone calls, nothing since Mike had simply walked out on him. Maybe he should have called, but as each day passed by, he knew it would only be harder. He should have called him the next day, but now it was too late to go back, too late to fix what was becoming painfully obvious, that their friendship had ended.

Heading off to college might help ease the pain he was feeling inside. Maybe it was meant to be this way, but he still couldn’t help but feel he had done something wrong, that somehow this was his fault. Oh sure, he had his fits of anger too, blaming Mike for being a pig headed fool, for being a stubborn ass, but after each of his outburst, he would feel like it had been his fault, not Mike’s.

If he hadn’t been Gay, they would still be friends, but being Gay, was who he was. He couldn’t change that, couldn’t make that go away, but he didn’t have to tell Mike. He could have kept it a secret, not blab it to him, and sure as fuck, didn’t have to tell him that he dreamed of him. That was simply stupid, but then again, was it?

Sitting in one of the old worn chairs of the bus depot, he wondered if maybe he had somehow manipulated Mike, to give him what he had always wanted? Had he somehow made Mike feel like he had to undress, had to let him suck on his dick? I mean Mike wasn’t some weak willed guy, he had a mind of his own, but had he used his own charm, his own charisma to maybe influence Mike just enough, so he could see him naked, see him full hard?

Then too, if that was true, how come Mike had one of the hardest erections he had ever seen? Shit, even the guys in the few porn flicks he had seen didn’t seem to be as hard as Mike had been that day in his bedroom. So if he had somehow coerced Mike into letting him suck on him, how come he had such a raging hard on?

All he knew for certain was that he didn’t have any clear answers. He missed Mike, missed seeing him and just hanging out together. It would have been a better memory to take with him than what he was taking. Maybe in time, he’d think differently, maybe even the memory of sucking on Mike’s cock might be enjoyable, but so far it had been nothing but a total turn off. Before, he could get it hard just thinking of Mike taking his pants off, now with the real thing to remember, it felt different, felt less exciting.

Hell, he had even written in to one of those advice columns that were in the magazines, and the instant he had sent it off, he knew it had been a stupid move. He also knew the answer he’d get, which was to get over it, to move on. Well easy for them to say, they hadn’t spent their childhood with the guy, hadn’t come to love him, as he had.

And maybe that was it, right there in a nutshell. It wasn’t the idea of seeing Mike naked, or of sucking his dick, or even maybe having him fuck him that had been the turn on. Maybe it was simply that he had a crush on the guy, that he had wanted to be loved by him, as he loved him. Worse, maybe Mike had sensed that, which is why he had bolted.

Glancing up he stared up to where the huge clock was. He saw how it was coming closer to departure time, and he felt the hitch in his heart. He had insisted no one from his family come down with him, in case Mike showed up, but deep down he knew that wasn’t going to happen either. He just didn’t want anyone around, to pester him about being so glum, about looking like the world had ended.

For him, in one way it did feel that way. His whole childhood was ending. He was going to college, leaving everything behind. Nothing would ever be the same, even if he did come back for visits. He felt the tremble inside, felt the fear of what lay ahead, and what was being left behind, when he felt the tap on his hunched over shoulder.

Glancing around, he saw him. His heart quickened, as Jeff realized how much he had been hoping for this moment. Mike was there, but as he looked up into his face, he could see how pained Mike looked.

‘hey’

‘hey, I uh, I was hoping…’

‘I know, uh, look Jeff, I should have called, but, uh…’

‘yeah, I tried a few times, well I thought about it, but…’

‘it shouldn’t be this hard, uh, can we take a walk outside, before, I mean do you have time?’

Jeff glanced back over his shoulder at the clock, realizing that he really didn’t have much time, but enough. He nodded and picked up his bag, letting Mike lead the way out of the station.

They turned the corner, to where the building ended, and a small entrance way for the buses was. Mike looked around, then leaned against the brick wall, shuffling his feet, and looking downwards at them.

‘I should have called.’

‘I guess I could have called you.’

‘Yeah.’

‘So, I have to, I mean there isn’t much time Mike.’

‘Yeah, I know.’

‘Then, what? I mean, I think I get it, and I am sorry Mike, I really am.’

‘Sorry? Shit man, you didn’t do anything, not like you can help who you are, anymore than I can. Not your fault.’

‘Then, well why did you bolt?’

‘I can’t, I been thinking of that, ever since, I really have, and it is just, I don’t know Jeff, it just seems, well wrong.’

‘What? That I like you that way, Shit Mike, I told you because you forced me to, I wasn’t planning to, I mean…’

‘yeah, I know that, I asked, kind of wish I hadn’t now, but it isn’t that. I mean, in some ways, its well, nice to know, sort of.’

‘Then, fuck you are really messin’ with my mind Mike.’

‘Not half as much as you messed with mine.’

‘what the fuck is that supposed to mean?’

‘You don’t get it do you?’

‘No, obviously I don’t.’

‘I can see that.’

‘Christ Mike, I am leaving town, I don’t know how soon I’ll be back, and right now, you aren’t making it easier. So what the fuck, I am sorry you can’t accept me liking you that way, I really am, but I do, and it isn’t because you are hot or sexy, but because of, well, just because. I am sorry it makes you uneasy, I really am.’

‘It isn’t that Jeff, though maybe, oh shit, maybe it is that too.’

‘If it isn’t that, then, I don’t get it?’

‘Fuck Jeff, I liked what you did, okay? I liked it, a whole lot, which I shouldn’t have, I mean, I am not that way, I shouldn’t have liked it, not one bit, sure as hell not as much as I did.’

‘You did? I mean, for real?’

‘Yeah for real, and its bugged me since, it bugged me right after, and ever since. I just…’

‘What, thought that because you liked it, that you had to be queer like me, that it?’

‘I guess, if you want to put it that way, yeah, I mean how can a straight guy like it, if they aren’t, you know…’

‘queer’

‘knock off the put downs, okay? You know what I mean, and it isn’t…’

‘I guess, just that, shit I thought I’d never see you again, that somehow I had ruined our friendship. And look, I mean just because you liked it, doesn’t make you Gay.’

‘You think?’

Before he could reply, he heard the announcement echo from the entrance. The booming voice was giving the first call for passengers for his bus, and he felt like time was going to run out, before they could sort things out, fully.

‘Yeah, I do, but fuck Mike, you sure have rotten timing, I have to go, I’ll miss the bus, but just ‘cuz you liked it, doesn’t mean jack. Fuck, this sucks, I mean…’

‘There is a later bus.’

‘I know, just that, I have to check in by a certain time, or I’ll miss out on the dorm assignments. I gotta have a place to sleep, or I’d take the later bus.’

‘Okay, I know, look, what if I come up this weekend? Maybe we can talk then? I don’t want to lose our friendship Jeff, I know I should have called, should have said something, just, fuck it’s taken me all this time to make some sense out of it.’

‘If you want, yes, I’d like that. I do, if you do.’

He felt his body shake, felt tiny beads of sweat on his forehead. The idea that what he had thought was lost, really wasn’t, was exhilarating. He didn’t feel so empty, or alone as he realized that Mike meant it. It wasn’t like the promised phone call that had never come, this was different. He could feel it, deep down in his bones. Mike would show up.

‘Here, take this, just, just don’t open it around anyone, okay? I uh, I know you gotta go, but I will be up this weekend, I promise. Okay Jeff?’

He felt Mike thrust the brown envelop into his hand, as he heard the second call for his bus, knowing he didn’t have much time left.

‘Uh, okay, what’s this…’

‘We’ll talk this weekend, I’ll try and phone after dinner tomorrow, okay?’

‘Okay, but…’

‘Open it later, alone Jeff, okay? Promise?’

‘I promise’

Mike smiled and was already turning away to leave, as the announcer boomed out, giving the last call for passengers to Jeff’s bus. Jeff felt himself tremble a bit, as he stared at Mike’s retreating back. He wanted to watch him leave, but couldn’t. Gathering his bad, he made his way along the platform to the bus, clutching the brown envelop, wishing that he had called Mike.

Jeff managed to just make it, as the silver door was beginning to close. He managed to climb up, hand his ticket to the driver, and found his way towards the back of the bus. No one had taken the rear seat, which suited him fine. He had noticed a few others stare at him, but all he could think of, was that this weekend Mike would be up at the campus.

He’d have to figure out where they could stay, that maybe there was some motel or something, or maybe he could bunk in his dorm room? He’d have to check that out, once he got his own room assignment, and as the bus lurched, beginning to move away from the platform, he realized that he was like some giddy kid.

It wasn’t like he expected they’d be having any sex, but that they were still friends made everything seem okay. Jeff felt a bit light headed, as he turned to stare out the window, and as the bus rolled out of the driveway, onto the main street, he saw Mike standing there. He could see his hair swaying a bit, and he couldn’t help but smile.

As the gears clashed a bit, and the bus picked up speed, he looked down at the envelop in his hand. It felt a bit stuffed, and as no one was around, he figured he could open it, for a quick peek inside.

Carefully he opened up the flap, that had been loosely gummed together. Inside, he noticed a few pages of loose leaf paper, with a paper clip over some thicker paper behind. He pulled it out, and removed the paper clip.

On the loose leaf pages he recognized Mike’s handwriting, and as he flipped past them, he realized that the pages behind was photo paper. It was the kind they used in their inkjet printers, to print out pictures. He was rather curious as he flipped the loose leaf pages further off, to see that the first photo was a bit blurred at the top of someone’s head.

Pulling the page up, his hand suddenly stopped, trembling a bit as he recognized the figure in the photo. It was Mike, but as he stared at it, he understood why Mike was insistent that he not open it with people nearby. Quickly he lifted up his eyes, to make sure no one was watching, or able to see what he was looking at.

Satisfied, he felt his face grinning, as he pulled the photo up a bit more, revealing a picture of Mike, an obvious self taken picture. The photo was a bit blurred at the edges, bit out of focus, but as he lifted more of the photo up out of the envelop, Jeff felt his face flush. Mike was naked in the picture, and while he stood very erect, that wasn’t all that was standing at attention.

Free Picture Post courtesy of EU Twinks.

Meet Jeremy a rather sexy twink, who like Jeff, enjoys a good jack off session. Now he might not be thinking of Mike, but I bet you he’s thinking of some of the other guys who are showcased over at EU Twinks. From Parisian beauties to the rugged Polish Farm Boy, you will find them at EU Twinks.

( Click smaller image for larger view )

MORE OF JEREMY HERE

Remembering

By Ian Kovnats ( Gaystoryman )

Copyright © 2008 ? All Rights Reserved

Epilogue

Trent stared out the big bay window of the front room. He could see the horizon, see the orchard fields below. He sighed, as he felt the warm air blowing into the room from the opened front door. He turned his face, to look at the front stoop, to see the man slowly making his way down the ramp, towards the front roadway.

He felt a small twinge in his heart, as he saw how he moved so slowly, the pain of his injuries showing across his face, as he began to make his way towards the front gate. The mail sign was up, and there was no denying him. For several days now, Rob had made this journey, accepting the pain it gave him, refusing to let Trent go.

It was his choice, his decision and Trent wasn’t about to argue. He could see the determination on his friends face, knowing how much it cost him, knowing too that even now, several years after his injuries in Iraq, the pain was never gone. Well that wasn’t entirely true, least in his mind.

There were moments when it seemed like Rob had no pain, nor did he either. He had suffered no injuries, no scars covered his body as they did Rob’s, though his scars were within. He still could hear the General’s words, the scathing remarks, and his own equally harsh retorts.

It was a long time back now, but they still hurt. Yet, one day soon, he knew he’d let them go, forget them as they deserved to be forgotten, but not just yet. He may have aged in years, but in looks he had seemed to just get younger. He kept blaming Rob for that, because they were finally together, finally accepting of the love that they shared.

Moving to this valley had been hard, had cost him every penny he had saved, begged, or borrowed, but then too, Rob had done the same. Yet for him it had been hard, because Rob needed so much, even though he rarely asked for anything. Then that was Rob, he never did complain, and so they had bought this small little orchard in California.

He had expected some troubles, specially if the neighbouring people found out about him and Rob, which they were bound to do. After all, his Court Martial wasn’t exactly a well kept secret. Nor was Rob’s either, which had really hit the wires like a ton of bricks. It was bigger than if the Titanic had been sunk, all over again.

Still he had been surprised by how welcomed he & Rob had been. Oh there were a couple who grumbled, and who would never have him or Rob on their guest list, but then again, he wouldn’t have them on his. For the most part, the folks in the valley accepted them both, and while it had been a bit strained at the start, things had gotten a lot easier over the few years they had lived there.

Many had watched at how determined Rob had been. He didn’t act like any cripple they had ever seen, and while no one expected much, they soon came to realize that Rob was a force to reckon with. While the Doctors had said he’d never walk again, that the rest of his life would be confined to a wheelchair, Rob didn’t accept it.

And there he was, outside on his own two feet. Granted, he wouldn’t win any marathons, but he was lurching ahead, on his own. No wheelchair was in sight, just a pair of canes now. The crutches had disappeared six months ago, and Rob had vowed that the canes too would disappear. Trent believed him too, even if the Doctors were still a bit sceptical. But then, they didn’t understand the man, or his character.

Trent was just realizing it, himself, as he watched his friend slowly making his way down the hill, towards the gate. The small red flag of the mailbox up, showing they had mail. Rob was certain that today it would be there, that this was the day.

He smiled, realizing that he too was just as anxious. It was rather special, and frankly, he never thought he’d see this day come. Certainly not as a teenager, nor even after he had his first sexual experience, back on his eighteenth birthday, had he ever thought this day would come.

Looking back on his life, on his time both with and away, from Rob, he had to admit. The sex had been something else, specially that first time, but in all honesty, the sex lately, had been more than just a release. He couldn’t really explain it, it wasn’t like they had a lot of options either.

Rob had come back damaged, yet despite all that, the sex seemed to be as good, if not more enjoyable. Sure, they were limited, at first, and Rob liked to joke that it was the sex that was making him push himself, so that he could really get off. Course, Trent knew that each time they became physical, it was a hard choice for Rob. The pain, in moving, was real. It was a constant reminder of his service in Iraq, a constant reminder of his personal sacrifice.

Just trying to move his legs at times, to spread them apart, caused him pain. Certainly at the beginning of their living together, yet Rob never complained. In fact, he kept instigating it, wanting it, even though he had to have felt more pain than pleasure. Still, that was Rob, and who was he, to deny him that?

They had talked about it, even with the Doctors. That was a discussion he wouldn’t forget. Looking out at Rob now, he remembered how he had been sitting with the Specialist, when Rob out of the blue asked him when it would be okay for him to have anal sex. He had almost fallen off his chair, and the look on the Doctor’s face was priceless.

Still Rob hadn’t let him off the hook, despite his unwillingness to get into the details. Rob on the other hand, well he wanted to know if certain positions would cause harm, to his recovery. The Doctor was as white as a ghost, and given that he was an African American, that was one hell of a feat. Still, Rob had persisted, and when he got his answer that in all honesty the Doctor couldn’t say that it would cause any added damage, Rob had simply turned to Trent, and smiled.

Course he had also blurted out that Trent could pick up the Condoms on the way home, which had made him have a pretty bad coughing fit. The Doctor on the other hand, had glanced away, but you could see his own surprise.

Then that too, was Rob. As he had said afterwards, why should he feel ashamed of how he liked sex? It was a natural physical function, and as long as he wasn’t going to cause any more damage to his already damaged body, he was damned if he would pass on trying. Plus, as he pointed out, he had some new memories to try and make, which had ended any objections Trent had.

Thinking now of it, of coming back to their small little apartment, at that time. He was rather amazed at just how good of a memory that first time had been. Maybe it had been all the talk, the touching to position Rob, but he had to admit, it had been a memorable night of passion. One that certainly had rivalled their first experiences, when they had been eighteen, out camping.

Staring at his friend now, he realized just how special their moments had become. It was those earlier memories, that had brought them together, had brought them to this very point in their lives. Sex for him, had always been more of a physical thing. Least when it had involved other men, not Rob. Yet those times with Rob, before now, before his war wounds, had always been more than just a physical release. Course he hadn’t seen it that way, then. He sure as hell did now, as a smile crossed his weathered face.

Being an Officer, being in charge of other people’s lives, had taken its toll on him, but the news of his friends wounds, had sent him over the top. He had known, virtually the instant he had heard, that he couldn’t do it anymore, that he couldn’t handle that kind of responsibility. He also didn’t know how he’d handle life, if Rob wasn’t somehow a part of it.

Fortunately the Doctors then, had been wrong, and it seemed since too. Rob had made progress, but the physical act of sex, was vastly different. Trent realized that despite his advanced years, he looked forward to their intimate moments. He yearned for them too, like the time when Rob had been hospitalized, for complications.

God, how he had imagined the worse. How he had thought that somehow their sex had been the cause of it all, though it hadn’t been. Still it hadn’t prevented him from thinking of it, from vowing he would not press it. Yet, seeing Rob in that bed, again, had made him realize just how connected they had become.

That first hospital night, when he was still running a high fever, and under some powerful sedatives, how he had looked up at Trent, winked, and asked him to rub his itch. Trent had almost split a gut, because he knew exactly what itch Rob had wanted scratched. The guy was more of a sex pig, than he had ever thought one man could be.

What had made it so funny, was that the male orderly was in the room, and offered to scratch whatever was irritating Rob. Fact that he was rather cute, and had been the subject of an early discussion on how Rob wouldn’t mind a nice sponge bath from him, only added to the moment. And in typical Rob fashion, he had merely looked at the orderly, and told him that only his hubby could scratch that particular itch.

The guy’s face had been a study in changing seasons. From concern, to consternation, to sudden realization, to embarrassment. He was a nice guy, but you could see how his face dropped when it dawned on him exactly what Rob had been asking for. He had stared at him, then over at Trent, his lips quivering, his eyes fluttering, as he tried to figure out what to say, if anything.

He opted for nothing, and quickly left the room, with Rob trying to lift himself up, to stare at his butt as he swished out of the room. It was those moments, that really made what they had special. While Rob’s mouth was certainly getting them more notoriety than Trent was comfortable with, it really didn’t matter at the end of the day.

When they would lay together, side by side, and Trent would have to undress Rob. How they would talk about the day, about those little moments when the straight world had been turned upside down by a crippled queer. How he enjoyed his moments of watching their faces, at how their mouths would tremble, trying to say something, without being offensive.

At the very beginning, after Rob had been evacuated to Germany, for better care, Trent had thought it was simply his way of getting back. He had been surprised at how often Rob would let people know about who he was, about his homosexuality. It bothered him, because while the cat was out of the bag for him, too, he didn’t think it right to flaunt it.

Yet when he had casually mentioned it to Rob, it was what had set off their first real disagreement. Hell, it had been a knock em out, drag em down, battle royal actually. Oh, he could smile now, but back then, he didn’t see any humor in it. He had even wondered why he had thrown his whole military career away, on someone like Rob, but finally the shouting grew to a distant roar, and he began to actually listen to the words.

That discussion had been one for the books. The way Rob’s face had twisted in anger, his too. Never before had he felt such anger, such disgust too. There were things he had said that he instantly had regretted, but Rob wouldn’t let him off the hook either. He had pursued it, like a dog with a bone in its jaws. No way was he going to let it go, and now, well now Trent understood it better.

Course, when Rob had said he damn well needed to know where Trent stood on it, given how he was planning to spend his entire life with him, well it changed the whole argument. It also made him realize that in many ways, Rob had planned it that way. He was a calculating son of a bitch, at times, but then, maybe that was why so many respected him. He saw not just the next hill, but beyond the whole range of hills.

He knew that it would be hard for Trent, not the gay stuff, but what if Rob’s determination to walk again, didn’t work out? Could Trent handle that, could their relationship handle that? In some ways, the whole being gay thing, wasn’t what they fought about, but the feelings of guilt, of fear too.

Just like back when he had been eighteen, unwilling to admit he liked guys, that he wanted dick not pussy. Now it was the same, in many ways. Was he really willing to spend to his remaining years looking after a cripple? Was he prepared to have his sex life limited by braces, by broken limbs?

Yet each time he had thought about it, he too had wondered, but the memories, they were just too much, too overpowering. Still, Rob knew that too, making sure that Trent did, as well. It was all part of the whole transition, from military life, to one of domestic bliss, as Rob put it. Only thing was, domestic bliss had its pitfalls, its battlefields too.

At first he didn’t think he could handle it, making his private life, public. Yet with Rob, it was like, it didn’t matter, because he had him to come home to, to be with. Strange, because he had never felt so alive, as when around Rob. Specially after the trial, after what had been described as a brilliant military career had come to a close.

None of it matter, and yet sitting alone in that dingy apartment, after the final gavel of the Courts Martial, after the rendered judgement of his peers, it didn’t seem to matter. He had Rob, and Rob him.

They had lain on the bed, the hot stuffiness of the room making the shirts stick to their skin, when Rob had looked up at him, and just smiled. It was like the future didn’t seem so dark, so ominous. It was as if a great weight had been lifted from his shoulders, as Rob pulled himself up on the bed, so his back lay against the headboard.

‘What if it doesn’t get any better than this? Can you handle it Trent?’

He had seen the look, seen the way he was being given a way out. Trent knew that look, had seen it many times, when he had even grabbed at it. As he studied his friend, and his friend him, he saw it all flash before him. The tent, the way the sleeping bags had been laid out for them both.

But there wasn’t any eighteen year olds spread out on them. Instead there was a wheelchair to one side, metal crutches next to it, and shiny metal braces on the seat of the wheelchair. He could see two old men, hair white for the most part, where there was any hair. It was them both, but not in the past, but the future.

He had shaken his head, to clear the image, but it persisted, as he realized that his mind was transporting him to what it might be, if things didn’t get better, if Rob didn’t manage to confound the Doctors.

It scared him, to peer into the possible future. Here he was, discharged, unsure what he would be doing at his age, with a cripple to care for. Maybe that was harsh, but it was the truth, and one thing he knew, the truth never stayed hidden for long. Could he cope? Could he manage the rest of his life, looking after someone who couldn’t look after themselves?

Not the sex, because that was what it would be, but the rest of it. The having to help him to the bathroom, and afterwards. The having to bathe him, to clean him up, because he couldn’t do it for himself. Could he spend the rest of his life, dealing with that, as well as all the rest? The medical bills, the medical crisis that would surely follow as they both grew older, could he deal with that, and still love him?

Looking at the vision, of what might be, he wondered if he could, and he felt a cold chill in his heart, despite the warmth of the small room. Despite his shirt being sticky with his sweat, he felt a coldness in his heart, as his eyes looked downwards, and across the room. There was the wheelchair, dark and forbidding, the crutches off to the side. Just as in his vision, but they looked dark, forbidding, as he turned his eyes back to his friend.

Already he had made sacrifices, to be with him. He had outed himself, had thrown his entire career away, and for what? Damaged Goods? That was what some would think, would believe, and yet, did he believe that? Was Rob damaged?

Sure, he had no feeling in his legs, his arms were barely strong enough to pull himself up into a sitting position, and while he had managed to wheel the chair for a little distance, he still couldn’t get around with being pushed. He might make it to the bathroom, but that exhausted him, least then it did.

The sun shone off some stones, blinding him for a minute, as he saw the struggling figure of the man, making his way down the road towards the gate. Yes, now he could walk, now he could manage a lot more than just wheeling himself to the edge of a bathroom 40 or so feet away.

Back then, they didn’t know what lay ahead. Back then, Trent had no idea what Rob could manage, or not. Neither did Rob, and the question had to be asked, the way out had to be given. He could see that now, see it then too. He knew Rob was just as frightened, but he was thinking of Trent, when he had asked.

Trent hadn’t answered Rob, instead he had simply stood up, and took off his sweat soaked shirt, tossing it aside, while unbuckling his belt and throwing his clothes off. His eyes had never left Rob’s, which seemed to grow wider with each discarded piece of Trent’s clothing.

He stood there, stark naked, as he stared at his friend. It was like yesterday, as he watched his friend make it to the gate now. His body had tingled, as he had stood there, seeing the way Rob’s face looked at him. Seeing how his eyes sparkled, as he moved slowly towards him. Rob had licked his lips, as Trent moved around the bed, to stand beside him.

The way his face looked up at him, as he towered over him. How he flinched, as he reached out with his hand, to tussle his hair, to run the back of his hand down his friend’s face. He could see it all now, as if he was there. How hot his cheeks felt, how flushed he was, as he let his hand move down, as he sat on the edge of the bed.

There was no mistaking the fear that existed either. Yet he seemed unwilling to let it stop him, as his hand moved down his friends face, to rest lightly on his chest, near one side of him. He could feel the irregular beat of the heart, feel him sucking in air, afraid to let it out, until forced to. The way his whole body seemed to be on edge, as if wound up tight, beyond its ability, ready to explode. Trent felt it all, as his hand rested there, as they looked at each other.

Yes the vision of the camping trip had been altered. There was a wheelchair, but it was still the same tent, still the same sleeping bags. So there was some added stuff, it didn’t change how he had felt that time when they were just eighteen, it hadn’t changed how excited he felt, being touched by Rob, or by him touching Rob.

Nothing was really different. Sure, time had marched on, things had changed, but so? They were still the same, older, more experienced, had more to share, so what if Rob couldn’t run a marathon anymore? So what if he needed Trent to shift his legs, to lay them out? It was still him, still the same man inside, and wasn’t that what had made him fall for him, in the first place?

He had let his hand move downwards, to run across Rob’s crotch, as he thought about it all, as he thought about how he had always liked Rob, how before that birthday party, he had been attracted to him. It wasn’t his good looks, wasn’t his lock of hair that he would wipe away, or how his basket would bulge at times.

It was how he felt after they talked, how he would lay next to him, on those sleep overs, and just be there. It wasn’t his dick, or his ass, it was him. It was how it felt to have his warm breath blow across his chest, or his face. It was how he felt each time he looked at him with those eyes, always sparkling.

That is what made him want him, made him dream of him when they were apart. It was how he was always watching Trent’s back, without it seeming like he was. His hand had stopped over Rob’s groin, and he began to unbuckle his pants, to let his hand slide underneath, as his eyes stared deeply into those of Rob. He could feel him, not just his hard penis, but the man himself.

It had made him shudder then, and it did again now. He felt the rolling tremor inside, just as he had back then, as he told him, in his own way, that it didn’t matter. The fear he had, seemed gone the instant his hand touched Rob’s penis. The very instant he felt his warm body, felt his heart beating, he knew he could manage whatever the future would hurl at them both.

If Rob never walked, if this was indeed as good as it got, he’d manage. It wasn’t some form of penance either, because he didn’t see it as an obligation. Just as then, he felt the excitement inside, felt the tingling as he undid the pants some more, as he pushed them open.

He breathed in deeply then, smelling his scent, his aroma. Just as then, he could smell it now, feel it waft around his nostrils, float deep down into his nasal passage to make his heart quiver with the excitement. Just as then, Trent could feel it all over again.

How good it had felt to touch him, to let his hand move down, and push the shorts down, so that Rob’s penis stuck up, fully aroused. His legs might not work, but that third leg had no trouble standing up. How it had felt, had trembled to his light touch. Trent could feel it throb, through the tips of his fingers, as he let them move up and down the hard pole. His eyes could see the little flickers inside of Rob’s eyes, as his fingers moved up and down, then around the head.

His eyes never left Rob’s, as his fingers seemed to know where to move, how to move, no matter in which way Rob’s cock jerked, or moved to his touch. It all seemed like they were connected in ways, that were impossible to be, but he felt it then, felt it now, and yes, he had felt it ever since. They were connected.

His body shook, just as it did that time too. Trent could feel the way his legs grew stiff, how his heart began to race, as his fingers just moved across the throbbing pole, at how they sensed the blood pumping through the organ, feeling every drop as it rushed past. It didn’t make sense, but he could feel each drop, feel its warmth, its very essence, and he could see it too, see it in Rob’s eyes.

The way he looked, how when his heart skipped a beat, he could see that too, see the chest rising and falling as his breathe became labored, became shallow, as his body reacted to his simple touch. Trent could hear his questions to, his constant question of if he was sure, if he was certain.

Yet as he heard the question being asked, his body was responding, telling him yes, soothing his frightened nerves, with reassurances, that no words could ever give. How calm he had felt, as his fingers moved down the hard pole, to circle the shaft, to feel its power, as it shook to his touch. How at ease he felt, as his body gave Rob the answer he wanted, the answer he needed to hear.

Closing his eyes, he could see it all again. See how the vision of the tent, switched from two old men laying on the sleeping bag, to two eighteen year olds, exhausted by the night’s passion. He smiled, as he felt his groin stir, as he felt Rob’s cum spurting through his fingers.

How neither of them seemed surprised either, as they just stared at each other, as Rob’s body shook, as his milk flowed. How he felt his own body shake, felt his own heart quicken, as it felt the hot jizz flow past his fingers. It was as good as if they had been having intercourse. The moment was right, for just what they had done.

How Rob’s chest had heaved, how his eyes had shone, as the last of his milk dribbled out. The way he had looked at him, had felt the calm entering his friend’s body, and mind. They never did speak about the ‘what if’ again, they simply didn’t need to. They had answered the question, the only way they could, with deeds, not words.

Trent heard his name, and he shook his head, to stare out at the front. There was Rob, at the mailbox, and he was waving the envelope. He smiled, as he left his post, to head outside. The blast of hot air assailed him, but he didn’t care as he jogged down the path, to his friend. Trent could see his eyes sparkling, see how his body seemed a bit more erect, a bit stronger.

Coming to stand in front of him, he saw the State Seal on the envelope. He smiled, as he held Rob’s hand, as he ripped it open, to pull it out. He saw the fancy writing, saw it all as Rob turned from looking at the certificate to look up at him. The canes were in one hand, suddenly fell to the ground, as Rob just looked at Trent.

‘It’s official now’

Trent felt the tears at the corner of his eyes, as he saw the small grin on his friend’s face. It was like being eighteen again, as he leaned forward, and pushed the hand holding the certificate to one side. With his other hand, he lifted up his friend’s face, and stared into it.

‘Was there any doubt?’

As he said it, he leaned forward and kissed Rob fully on the mouth. A car whizzed past, honking as it did, but he barely heard it above the roar of his heart. He felt Rob’s body pulse, felt it shake, as they held each other, tasting each other. The tent, the crackling fire, all of it was there, parading past them, as they clung to each other, feeling the satisfaction of having reached this moment, together.

The license lay between them, clenched in both of their hands, as they broke apart, and looked into each other’s eyes, for the millionth time. It felt right, now, just as it had back then, so many years ago. Rob smiled, as he held onto Trent. His body swayed, but he reached up, and wiped away that rebellious lock of hair, grinning as he did, recognizing the glint in Trent’s face.

‘We’re legal now’

He couldn’t help but grin, at seeing the joy in Rob’s face. Deep down inside, he knew he too was just as happy, just as excited. At long last, part of their struggle was over, part of their pain was now gone.

‘You Non Coms, we have always been legal.’

Picture Courtesy of UK Naked Men

from their video ‘Army Medical‘

( Click smaller image, for full sized picture display )

Watch Army Medical Video at UK Naked Men.

Marching

to a Different Beat

By Ian Kovnats ( Gaystoryman )

Copyright © 2008 ? All Rights Reserved

Part (-)

The sky was just beginning to lighten, as the bus rattled along the highway. They had been on the road all night long, as Jeremy stared out the window. It was the first time he had managed to snag a window seat. Maybe it was a sign that the others had finally given up on making him the target of their jokes, of their nastiness.

They would be at the ferry terminal in another couple of hours, then off to the Island on the 7am run. According to the band director, they’d check into the hotel and have the whole day off. Tomorrow and Sunday would be practice days, then the parade on Monday. It would be their 5^th parade in as many weeks, and he was a bit weary of it all.

At eighteen, a senior, this was supposed to be the culmination of his high school years. Next year he’d be off to college, if accepted, and would be starting all over. He hoped the stories were true, though, that at least in college it was easier to be queer. High School certainly hadn’t been fun for those who were, and he could testify to that.

Not that anyone knew, until they were on the road. Somehow he had managed to keep it secret, until that fateful night on their first day out. He could still hear the jeers, feel the sudden anger and hatred around him. It wasn’t fair, and maybe he should have denied it, or tried to bluff his way through it, but he hadn’t. Now he had spent nearly five weeks in pure purgatory, thanks to one simple mistake.

Leaning back in the seat, he turned to face the window, to just stare out at the passing scenery. He still couldn’t believe how those who he had known for years, could turn on him so suddenly. People like Roger, Mark, and Cory, all of whom he had known since grade school. They had joined Band together back then, when the drums they played were bigger than they were.

Yet one simple goof, and now they were the leaders of his torment, always jeering, always with the sissy boy, the fag jokes. It wasn’t any open attack, except when on the bus, or in the hotel rooms. He had looked forward to exploring the different cities with his friends, but instead he was left to wander the streets, the shops, alone. No one was willing to have him along, not even the girls.

In some respects they were meaner than him. The way some had come to him, showing off their lipsticks or make up purchases, loudly asking if like the color, given it wasn’t pink. That always got the guys snickering, and how some would seek his advice, in front of the others, about what under garments to wear. They wanted to know if it would get the guy’s hot, seeing as how he was an expert on what got guys turned on.

That had been the hardest part, and it wasn’t like the chaperons were any help. For the most part they snickered, or ignored it. To them it was harmless teasing, but it didn’t feel like that to him. Even the band leader turned a blind eye to the crap. Like at the first stop, when they had hidden his drum, or painted the words ‘faggot’ on the drum skin.

They even ignored it when they had replaced his harness with one made with frills, and colored a bright pink, and hid any of the others so he had to use it. Not one word of admonishment from the adults of the group, just the shake of a head, telling him he’d have to use it. That had to be one of the worst parades of his life. To go marching with the others, standing out from the entire group, in front of all those strangers. It even was picked up by the local television station, calling him some sort of activist, guessing at what he was trying to protest.

In some ways, he knew he had been stupid. The weekend before they were to leave, he had gone camping with Neil, and had taken some of his boy magazines with him. It was something he could share with Neil, a guy he had met at summer camp the previous year. They had found that they had more in common than being in the band of their respective schools.

He liked Neil, who was in the wind section of his high school band, a bit thin but man, he had been something that summer. They had kept up their friendship, and when Neil had a chance to come to Jeremy’s city, well they made plans to meet. Going camping before Neil left to go back had been his father’s idea, and well, it was a perfect way to end Neil’s visit.

The sex had been great, even better than at camp, as both had a bit more experience now, so he had taken some skin magazines with him. It had been fun to talk about which one’s were hot, which weren’t. To simply share an appreciation that other’s wouldn’t understand. And like an idiot, he had forgotten to empty his duffel bag before packing for the band trip.

Stopping at the campsite, that first night, he had forgotten about the magazines, Hell he’d forgotten about it before packing, so when he dumped his bag out, and the magazines came flying out, he had been as surprised as everyone else. Unfortunately they had moved faster, and it was around the whole campsite in seconds, or so it seemed.

He should have denied they were his, should have figured out some snappy lie, or better yet, taken a page from the Politicians and blamed them, saying that one of them must have put them there, to get at him. That is what he should have done, instead he had just stammered, just stood there pale as a ghost. And ever since he had been the butt of their so called sense of humor.

Staring out the window, he felt rather sad. He didn’t understand how guys like Mark or Ron could switch from being a friend, to being the enemy. It really didn’t make much sense, except maybe that they were trying to cover their own asses. The way some of the other’s had looked at them, wondering. He wondered if he would have acted that way too, if the situation had been reversed?

Looking out, he saw the darkness evaporating, saw the shapes becoming more defined as the bus rolled along. He was tired, but it wasn’t a good tired. Not like it had been on that last morning with Neil, at the camping spot they had found. No campgrounds for them, as they had trekked into the woods, off the beaten path, so that no one could intrude. It had been a week of nothing but sex, and he smiled as his body settled deep into the bus seat.

So what if they wanted to harass him? They couldn’t take away what he had, and soon he’d be away from them. Soon he’d be off making new friends, and like Neil had said, colleges had a more ‘gay friendly’ lifestyle. Sure, he would still need to be careful, but incidents like skin mags falling wouldn’t do more than raise an eyebrow.

They hadn’t done much exploring, other than the odd journey down to the river. There they had found a nice spot, shaded and not quite so open so that they could be seen. It had been fun, to lay on the ground, staring out at the sun shining down on the water. How it had glittered, but not as much as Neil’s eyes had, when he would get horny, which seemed to be all the time.

For a skinny kid, Neil did have a rather attractive body, when naked. The ribs didn’t really stick out that much, and his stomach was flat. It was fun to run his hand over it, because he could feel each muscle under the skin. Not like there was a lot of fat to cover it. His hips were a bit bony, but then Neil was what one would call your typical eighteen year old high school nerd or geek.

He liked computer sciences, and was nuts about astrology too. The way his face would light up when he was talking about some ram this or quad processors, or when he talked about the worlds beyond. Neil was one of those who liked to dream, but he was all guy too. He loved sex, talking about penises, cut or not, seemed to make his face glow as much as talking about the stars did.

While he didn’t think of himself as having a great body, he knew it was more muscular, more filled out than Neil’s was, but the sex had been so good, it really didn’t matter all that much. He might have outweighed Neil by 30 or so pounds, and he had a lot more hair on his legs than Neil, but when it came to comparing dicks, well Neil won that one hands down.

Who would have thought some skinny runt like Neil would have a dick the size of a torpedo? Back at summer camp it hadn’t been that big, least he hadn’t thought it had, but in a year, it was like some growth hormone had kicked in, or something. He even asked Neil if he had been using some of those ‘penis pills’ that inundated his email.

Neil had laughed, and said no, but the way he had laughed, grinned, had only made Jeremy stare at Neil more. They had been out at the river, laying there watching the sun come up. It was their first night, and already he had shot two loads and Neil had only shot once.

It wasn’t cold either, and they were stretched out on a pair of blankets, stark naked, just enjoying the warm air, the stars, and each other. He wished it didn’t have to be hidden, even then, but stupid he wasn’t. Least until the magazines had come out of his duffle bag. Now that was stupid, but thinking back to that first night, it seemed like no one should object to him or Neil.

Looking out, the whole night seemed to be just like that first night, at how Neil had lay next to him, his body just touching him in certain spots, and how good it had felt. The press of someone’s legs against his, of feeling his presence. It had given him some good feelings, and when they had turned their heads to look at each other, to talk or say something, it had felt so comfortable, that he wished he could do that with others.

He and Neil were typical eighteen year olds, least he thought so. Yet maybe they weren’t, because in all the locker room talk he had heard, no one ever talked about how it felt to lay next to the person they were boinking. No one talked about how it felt, just about how much cum they had shot, or how long they had been banging.

Maybe instead of hounding him, they could take a lesson in what real sex was like, from him and Neil. Man, he still could remember how good it had felt, when Neil had let his hand rest on Jeremy’s chest. How his heart had begun to beat a bit faster, as Neil caressed his chest, how the fingers would play the few chest hairs he had. How they felt, tingled as his fingers twisted them a bit, then flattened them out.

How his nipples seemed to stiffen as the tips of Neil’s fingers would gently circle them, then rub over the tip. How it made him tremble, how he would bite his teeth, as the hand moved slowly over his body. It was hard to put into words, but damn it had felt good, something he could still feel, if he thought about it real hard.

How his whole body shuddered, when Neil leaned over and lightly pressed his lips against the side of his chest, just beside a nipple. Man, he almost creamed right then and there, as the soft press of those moist lips touched his skin. It had been a perfect night, and the dawn was on track for being even more spectacular.

Strange, but thinking about that camping trip, he couldn’t remember when he hadn’t been hard, nor if Neil had ever been soft. It was like they were always stiff, always wanting to get it on, yet the sex wasn’t just about a quick suck or fuck. Okay, the first afternoon it had been, but only then.

It was more about how they seemed to just enjoy each other, to take their time, to savour it all. Maybe they weren’t typical, but damn the sex had been amazing. They had gone through a few boxes of Condoms on that trip. Thinking about it now, he realized too that it was more about the way they did things, than the mechanics of it. After all a fuck was a fuck, but it was how they led up to it, how they enjoyed the touch of each other, the closeness, that made it worth remembering.

Like that first morning, how Neil spent so much time just leaning on his side, while he explored all of Jeremy’s body. How good it had felt, the way his hand seemed to be all over him, touching, pressing. It was sort of like Neil was trying to memorize every part of him, where every dimple was, every ridge of skin was. How his finger would moved down the centre of his chest, towards his belly.

How it traced around his belly button, making him giggle a little, and how they laughed as suddenly they were tickling each other, hands flying to various body spots, to tickle, to touch. Their peals of laughter only seemed to make them want each other more. Strange that, but one second they were frolicking around, laughing and then the next, they were locked in a passionate kiss.

Neil tasted so good, but the sound of him laughing, the way he would squirm, to reach around and tickle him, or to just hold him, was an unbelievable experience. Everything felt so natural, so unrehearsed. It was as if they could read each other’s minds, know what the other wanted.

Why was that so wrong? So many seemed to think it was, but as he thought about it, he couldn’t understand it. He was happy when he could feel Neil’s arms around him, holding him. How good it had felt to feel his hot breath on his cheeks, while his hand was touching him. Nothing that felt that