Tag: best friends


Clearing the Air (5)

Clearing the Air

By Ian Kovnats (Gaystoryman)

Copyright © 2008 ? All Rights Reserved

Part (5)

It was a strange feeling for Jeff, as he lay there, just enjoying being in Mike’s presence, in the after glow. In some strange way, he felt more satisfied than at any other time, and as he felt the warmth of Mike’s body next to his, he couldn’t help but wonder at what had taken him so long to speak up, to let Mike know how he had felt.

He really couldn’t help feeling this way, it was really like a dream coming true, like winning the Lottery. Inside he could feel the way his body was still shaking, from the wild emotions that came the second he first touched Mike’s naked body. Not when he managed to breath in that musky scent of his groin, but the actual first touch, his finger against Mike’s flesh.

Even now, he couldn’t believe how it seemed to have made his whole body shake, how it seemed to just suddenly come alive. Like how it actually felt the small current of breeze in the room, how the hairs on his body seemed to all be standing up on end. Nothing had ever made him feel this way, as his eyes once more moved up, to gaze into Mike’s face.

He had seen that look, and now he once more saw it, but there was a cloud or pall coming between them, that he hadn’t noticed before. The look in Mike’s eyes was changing, that made Jeff suddenly feel a sudden coldness creeping in. They had just shared something special, but he could see that the glow of the moment was wearing off, that reality, was once more intruding, coming between them.

The roller coaster seemed to be running, as he felt dejected for some unknown reason, though deep down he knew that the elation wouldn’t last forever. Staring at Mike, he could see the doubts, the fears too which surprised him. What did Mike have to fear? Did he maybe think Jeff would out him, would talk about how he did his straight friend?

Part of him wanted to reassure Mike, but then another part told him to keep his mouth shut. To not rock the boat, unless necessary, and as he felt the uncertainty inside, he noticed how Mike suddenly drew his legs upwards, pulling them together. A sort of emptiness hit the pit of his stomach, as he saw how Mike seemed on edge, seemed nervous, really.

You okay?

Jeff saw how Mike suddenly twitched, at the sound of his voice, and how his eyes grew a bit wider, like some animal being caught in the sudden glare of a light.

Uh yeah, uh, look, I should get going,

He felt the dejection inside, the sadness, as he saw how suddenly scared Mike looked.

Sure? I mean, maybe we could hang out, go to the mall or something.

Uh, can’t, I uh have some errands to run, but maybe another time, I, I’ll call you later, okay?

Yeah, sure.

Inside, he knew that Mike wasn’t going to call, that somehow what had happened was beginning to bug him, that maybe he wished he hadn’t given in or done it. There was no other way to explain the frightened look on his best friend’s face, as he watched him swing his legs off the bed, opposite to where Jeff was.

He stared at Mike’s backside, as saw him stand up, and move to gather his clothes up, moving sideways, almost. It was like he was ashamed of being naked, of Jeff being able to see him.

Jeff just stared, saying nothing as he watched Mike bend and pick up the clothes, then quickly slide his underwear up. The moment was gone, he knew that, still inside, he didn’t understand what had suddenly changed for Mike. One second they were staring at each other, feeling close, feeling a connection that was more than just physical. Hell, he could still taste him, his seed and he knew he wanted more, but didn’t know how to ask, how to express himself.

Instead of speaking out, he sat there in silence. His own dick no longer aroused, but shrunken, as he saw Mike’s body become once more a mystery to him. The clothes were covering it all, and he could see how Mike’s body suddenly relaxed, once the pants were zipped up and belt buckled.

Jeff could see how his shoulders had relaxed, how every muscle in his back seemed to just let go, and once more there was the familiar slouch to his friend. He felt rather disappointed, even a bit apprehensive, as Mike finally turned to face him. There really wasn’t much else to say, as he saw Mike smile at him, a more or less forced smile. It looked strained, as he just smiled back, still naked.

He also noticed how Mike avoided looking, and yet earlier it was as if he couldn’t stare at him hard enough. How his eyes had taken his naked body in, at how it had gazed at his hard dick. How good that had felt too, and now it was gone, just like that. Somehow, he knew that Mike wasn’t going to call, that some excuse would be given, once he finally did get in touch.

Jeff watched as Mike left the room, not even waiting for him to get off the bed, and dress. It was almost as if he had an urgent need to leave, without really even saying much else, other than a quick ‘later’. He heard him running down the stairs, knowing that he was taking them two at a time, just as they both used to do when heading out together.

He could feel the sudden emptiness inside, the feeling like he had lost Mike. It was not as intense as it had been in the morning, and yet it felt even worse. Jeff couldn’t explain it, as he lay there, not sure what had happened, or if he had done something wrong. Again with the guilt, but even as he finally moved his body, he could still feel the brush of Mike’s pubic hairs against his nose, the press of his groin against his own face.

Trembling a little, he realized that he might never get to feel that again. It wasn’t like he had started out to seduce Mike, to force him into letting him suck him off. That had been Mike’s own idea, first at their spot, and then when he came here. He hadn’t told him he wanted to, least not until Mike forced his confession.

Maybe if he had, first thing, Mike wouldn’t have rushed off so fast. As he let his legs dangle over the bed, and he stared around for his own discarded underwear, he wondered what it was that had gotten Mike rattled, so quickly after? It bugged him, but not like the rejection he had been subjected to earlier in the day. This was a different rejection, one that might not have felt like an arrow in the heart, but in its own way, was far more painful.

He didn’t understand it. If Mike hadn’t wanted to let him suck his dick, why did he? If it bugged him, or something, why did he come back to the house, wait for him, and then push for it? It wasn’t like he had asked him to strip, or to climb onto his bed and spread his legs, with that hard dick sticking up. So why did he feel like Mike was disgusted with him?

For the rest of the day, and evening he found himself walking aimlessly around. Watching television only found him staring at the screen with a blank expression, so that when a program ended, he hadn’t a clue as to what had just finished. Jeff had waited for that phone call, but as he had known, it hadn’t come.

Several times he had reached for the phone, even going so far as to almost dial Mike’s complete cel number, but stopping just as it came time to enter the last digit of the number. Each time, his finger hovered over that last digit, and he simply replaced the receiver.

More times than he could remember, he had looked at his own phone, had clicked it to make sure it was getting a dial tone. He had kept flipping it open, checking the bars, to see if he was still in range, getting a signal, and yet no call ever came through.

In his guts, he felt miserable, knowing that this was not going to be the golden day he had hoped for. Even the fact that he had gotten more than he had dreamed for, in that Mike had let him suck him off, wasn’t helping him feel like he thought he should. He should be bouncing off the walls, with joy, instead of feeling like the world had ended for him.

Truth was, Mike hadn’t said anything to make him feel this way, but his look, how he had acted after, all seemed to be conspiring to making him feel so, well, alone. It wasn’t like he hadn’t gone over it a thousand times, and nothing he could think of, seemed to provide him any answers, as to why the sudden switch.

Granted, Mike was straight, and he had obviously enjoyed the blow job, but so what? How could that make him suddenly not want to be around him, or at least call him? Wasn’t like it was going to be a regular thing. Hell, he didn’t even think of trying to do more, or ask for more. Maybe he had thought about it, at the moment, but no friggin way would he have said or shown that he wanted to do it again, or to do more.

In the past, when he used to think of Mike, of how it would feel to be naked next to him, to hold his cock in his hand, to taste it, it always made him squirm, made him super hard. Yet now, with the real thing firmly planted in his mind, he couldn’t even get it semi hard. Thinking of that cock, of how it had tasted, of how it had smelt, didn’t even get his dick trembling, let alone rock hard.

That isn’t how it was supposed to be, he thought. Coming out to Mike, was supposed to make things easier between them. Least that had been the plan, had been the reason for it. At first it hadn’t, but later, well it had been total confusion, but Mike had seemed to come around, to understand. Or had he?

Had the ties they had made Mike act before he had thought about it? Had his own look, his own look influenced his friend so that he had given in to him, rather than refuse? It was all so confusing, and the more he thought about it, the more confused he got. Even trying to not think about it, was impossible.

Nothing seemed to work, to get his mind from thinking of Mike, of what had happened. He found himself arguing, with himself, as he tried to figure out if he should do anything, or let Mike have the time he needed, to sort out whatever had spooked him.

In the end, he had finally accepted that he couldn’t push Mike, that if he needed time to think, to figure stuff out, he had to give it to him. He came to the conclusion that if he pushed, he’d lose him for sure, something he really was desperate to not see happen.


That long night had finally turned into an endless parade of empty days with more empty nights. Jeff still kept hoping Mike would call, that whatever was eating at him, was confusing him, would sort itself out, but as the days came and went, as the time for his departure to University loomed closer, he began to realize that for now, Mike was lost to him.

It hurt too, and there were times when he found himself in tears really. They had been through a lot in their friendship, and now it seemed like it had all ended, because he was Gay, had a thing for Mike. Maybe he should have lied, not told him how he dreamed of Mike, of how he imagined what it would be like to have sex with him.

Maybe then, Mike wouldn’t have felt obligated to let him suck him off, maybe then Mike would be here now, at the bus station seeing him off, instead of elsewhere. Maybe they would already have plans to meet up, during a long weekend or holiday, instead of him not even knowing if Mike was still talking to him.

No phone calls, nothing since Mike had simply walked out on him. Maybe he should have called, but as each day passed by, he knew it would only be harder. He should have called him the next day, but now it was too late to go back, too late to fix what was becoming painfully obvious, that their friendship had ended.

Heading off to college might help ease the pain he was feeling inside. Maybe it was meant to be this way, but he still couldn’t help but feel he had done something wrong, that somehow this was his fault. Oh sure, he had his fits of anger too, blaming Mike for being a pig headed fool, for being a stubborn ass, but after each of his outburst, he would feel like it had been his fault, not Mike’s.

If he hadn’t been Gay, they would still be friends, but being Gay, was who he was. He couldn’t change that, couldn’t make that go away, but he didn’t have to tell Mike. He could have kept it a secret, not blab it to him, and sure as fuck, didn’t have to tell him that he dreamed of him. That was simply stupid, but then again, was it?

Sitting in one of the old worn chairs of the bus depot, he wondered if maybe he had somehow manipulated Mike, to give him what he had always wanted? Had he somehow made Mike feel like he had to undress, had to let him suck on his dick? I mean Mike wasn’t some weak willed guy, he had a mind of his own, but had he used his own charm, his own charisma to maybe influence Mike just enough, so he could see him naked, see him full hard?

Then too, if that was true, how come Mike had one of the hardest erections he had ever seen? Shit, even the guys in the few porn flicks he had seen didn’t seem to be as hard as Mike had been that day in his bedroom. So if he had somehow coerced Mike into letting him suck on him, how come he had such a raging hard on?

All he knew for certain was that he didn’t have any clear answers. He missed Mike, missed seeing him and just hanging out together. It would have been a better memory to take with him than what he was taking. Maybe in time, he’d think differently, maybe even the memory of sucking on Mike’s cock might be enjoyable, but so far it had been nothing but a total turn off. Before, he could get it hard just thinking of Mike taking his pants off, now with the real thing to remember, it felt different, felt less exciting.

Hell, he had even written in to one of those advice columns that were in the magazines, and the instant he had sent it off, he knew it had been a stupid move. He also knew the answer he’d get, which was to get over it, to move on. Well easy for them to say, they hadn’t spent their childhood with the guy, hadn’t come to love him, as he had.

And maybe that was it, right there in a nutshell. It wasn’t the idea of seeing Mike naked, or of sucking his dick, or even maybe having him fuck him that had been the turn on. Maybe it was simply that he had a crush on the guy, that he had wanted to be loved by him, as he loved him. Worse, maybe Mike had sensed that, which is why he had bolted.

Glancing up he stared up to where the huge clock was. He saw how it was coming closer to departure time, and he felt the hitch in his heart. He had insisted no one from his family come down with him, in case Mike showed up, but deep down he knew that wasn’t going to happen either. He just didn’t want anyone around, to pester him about being so glum, about looking like the world had ended.

For him, in one way it did feel that way. His whole childhood was ending. He was going to college, leaving everything behind. Nothing would ever be the same, even if he did come back for visits. He felt the tremble inside, felt the fear of what lay ahead, and what was being left behind, when he felt the tap on his hunched over shoulder.

Glancing around, he saw him. His heart quickened, as Jeff realized how much he had been hoping for this moment. Mike was there, but as he looked up into his face, he could see how pained Mike looked.


hey, I uh, I was hoping…

I know, uh, look Jeff, I should have called, but, uh…

yeah, I tried a few times, well I thought about it, but…

it shouldn’t be this hard, uh, can we take a walk outside, before, I mean do you have time?

Jeff glanced back over his shoulder at the clock, realizing that he really didn’t have much time, but enough. He nodded and picked up his bag, letting Mike lead the way out of the station.

They turned the corner, to where the building ended, and a small entrance way for the buses was. Mike looked around, then leaned against the brick wall, shuffling his feet, and looking downwards at them.

I should have called.

I guess I could have called you.


So, I have to, I mean there isn’t much time Mike.

Yeah, I know.

Then, what? I mean, I think I get it, and I am sorry Mike, I really am.

Sorry? Shit man, you didn’t do anything, not like you can help who you are, anymore than I can. Not your fault.

Then, well why did you bolt?

I can’t, I been thinking of that, ever since, I really have, and it is just, I don’t know Jeff, it just seems, well wrong.

What? That I like you that way, Shit Mike, I told you because you forced me to, I wasn’t planning to, I mean…

yeah, I know that, I asked, kind of wish I hadn’t now, but it isn’t that. I mean, in some ways, its well, nice to know, sort of.

Then, fuck you are really messin’ with my mind Mike.

Not half as much as you messed with mine.

what the fuck is that supposed to mean?

You don’t get it do you?

No, obviously I don’t.

I can see that.

Christ Mike, I am leaving town, I don’t know how soon I’ll be back, and right now, you aren’t making it easier. So what the fuck, I am sorry you can’t accept me liking you that way, I really am, but I do, and it isn’t because you are hot or sexy, but because of, well, just because. I am sorry it makes you uneasy, I really am.

It isn’t that Jeff, though maybe, oh shit, maybe it is that too.

If it isn’t that, then, I don’t get it?

Fuck Jeff, I liked what you did, okay? I liked it, a whole lot, which I shouldn’t have, I mean, I am not that way, I shouldn’t have liked it, not one bit, sure as hell not as much as I did.

You did? I mean, for real?

Yeah for real, and its bugged me since, it bugged me right after, and ever since. I just…

What, thought that because you liked it, that you had to be queer like me, that it?

I guess, if you want to put it that way, yeah, I mean how can a straight guy like it, if they aren’t, you know…


knock off the put downs, okay? You know what I mean, and it isn’t…

I guess, just that, shit I thought I’d never see you again, that somehow I had ruined our friendship. And look, I mean just because you liked it, doesn’t make you Gay.

You think?

Before he could reply, he heard the announcement echo from the entrance. The booming voice was giving the first call for passengers for his bus, and he felt like time was going to run out, before they could sort things out, fully.

Yeah, I do, but fuck Mike, you sure have rotten timing, I have to go, I’ll miss the bus, but just ‘cuz you liked it, doesn’t mean jack. Fuck, this sucks, I mean…

There is a later bus.

I know, just that, I have to check in by a certain time, or I’ll miss out on the dorm assignments. I gotta have a place to sleep, or I’d take the later bus.

Okay, I know, look, what if I come up this weekend? Maybe we can talk then? I don’t want to lose our friendship Jeff, I know I should have called, should have said something, just, fuck it’s taken me all this time to make some sense out of it.

If you want, yes, I’d like that. I do, if you do.

He felt his body shake, felt tiny beads of sweat on his forehead. The idea that what he had thought was lost, really wasn’t, was exhilarating. He didn’t feel so empty, or alone as he realized that Mike meant it. It wasn’t like the promised phone call that had never come, this was different. He could feel it, deep down in his bones. Mike would show up.

Here, take this, just, just don’t open it around anyone, okay? I uh, I know you gotta go, but I will be up this weekend, I promise. Okay Jeff?

He felt Mike thrust the brown envelop into his hand, as he heard the second call for his bus, knowing he didn’t have much time left.

Uh, okay, what’s this…

We’ll talk this weekend, I’ll try and phone after dinner tomorrow, okay?

Okay, but…

Open it later, alone Jeff, okay? Promise?

I promise’

Mike smiled and was already turning away to leave, as the announcer boomed out, giving the last call for passengers to Jeff’s bus. Jeff felt himself tremble a bit, as he stared at Mike’s retreating back. He wanted to watch him leave, but couldn’t. Gathering his bad, he made his way along the platform to the bus, clutching the brown envelop, wishing that he had called Mike.

Jeff managed to just make it, as the silver door was beginning to close. He managed to climb up, hand his ticket to the driver, and found his way towards the back of the bus. No one had taken the rear seat, which suited him fine. He had noticed a few others stare at him, but all he could think of, was that this weekend Mike would be up at the campus.

He’d have to figure out where they could stay, that maybe there was some motel or something, or maybe he could bunk in his dorm room? He’d have to check that out, once he got his own room assignment, and as the bus lurched, beginning to move away from the platform, he realized that he was like some giddy kid.

It wasn’t like he expected they’d be having any sex, but that they were still friends made everything seem okay. Jeff felt a bit light headed, as he turned to stare out the window, and as the bus rolled out of the driveway, onto the main street, he saw Mike standing there. He could see his hair swaying a bit, and he couldn’t help but smile.

As the gears clashed a bit, and the bus picked up speed, he looked down at the envelop in his hand. It felt a bit stuffed, and as no one was around, he figured he could open it, for a quick peek inside.

Carefully he opened up the flap, that had been loosely gummed together. Inside, he noticed a few pages of loose leaf paper, with a paper clip over some thicker paper behind. He pulled it out, and removed the paper clip.

On the loose leaf pages he recognized Mike’s handwriting, and as he flipped past them, he realized that the pages behind was photo paper. It was the kind they used in their inkjet printers, to print out pictures. He was rather curious as he flipped the loose leaf pages further off, to see that the first photo was a bit blurred at the top of someone’s head.

Pulling the page up, his hand suddenly stopped, trembling a bit as he recognized the figure in the photo. It was Mike, but as he stared at it, he understood why Mike was insistent that he not open it with people nearby. Quickly he lifted up his eyes, to make sure no one was watching, or able to see what he was looking at.

Satisfied, he felt his face grinning, as he pulled the photo up a bit more, revealing a picture of Mike, an obvious self taken picture. The photo was a bit blurred at the edges, bit out of focus, but as he lifted more of the photo up out of the envelop, Jeff felt his face flush. Mike was naked in the picture, and while he stood very erect, that wasn’t all that was standing at attention.

Free Picture Post courtesy of EU Twinks.

Meet Jeremy a rather sexy twink, who like Jeff, enjoys a good jack off session. Now he might not be thinking of Mike, but I bet you he’s thinking of some of the other guys who are showcased over at EU Twinks. From Parisian beauties to the rugged Polish Farm Boy, you will find them at EU Twinks.


( Click smaller image for larger view )



Clearing the Air (2)

Clearing the Air

By Ian Kovnats (Gaystoryman)

Copyright © 2008 ? All Rights Reserved

Part (2)

Jeff felt his resentment, his anger, as he glared up at Mike. How dare he, come here and act like he was the wronged party? He was the one who had shouted, who had thrown a fucking hissy fit, not him. He had tried to talk to him, to explain it, but it was Mike who hadn’t listened, who hadn’t wanted to understand.

If that’s what you want, I didn’t come all this way to fight with you.

Yeah? Right, what, you figured you’d come here to make sure I knew how sick you think I am?

No, I uh, look Jeff, I said some shit I shouldn’t, and when you left, well, can’t we talk?

Nothing to talk about, you think I am some nut case, or worse, I think you made it clear how you felt.

Oh, and like you never said shit you regretted later?

Well, yeah, but not…

Not what? Like when you thought my Mom was having an affair? You called her a slut, remember that?

Fuck, I was thirteen, what did I know?

Yeah well, I didn’t hit you, didn’t call you out, did I?

No, but this isn’t about someone else, it is about me, us, it’s not the same, besides you aren’t thirteen anymore

I know how old I am, not to sure about you, though.

What’s that supposed to mean? Another crack about…

It means, get over it, and stop acting like you are thirteen, and move your fucking ass over, so I can sit down.

Jeff felt his mouth open, his jaw drop as he stared up at Mike. He could still see those accusing eyes, from earlier, but there was something else there. It was like, he wasn’t about to him it, or anything like that. Just that, well he was also determined, that he wasn’t about to leave.

He rather wished he would, but as he thought it, he felt foolish. It was Mike, after all. They had been through a lot of shit together, like when his mother did seem to be having an affair. Course it had been nothing like that, but still, he had said some pretty shitty things back then. Mike had been hurt too, but he was right, he never did lash out at him, or end their friendship over it.

He shuffled over, and watched as Mike slid down to sit next to him. He could smell his scent, that cologne that he always wore, mingled with a bit of sweat, but it still, was, well Mike. It was him, just as sitting here now was, how they were, well used to be.

In an odd way, he felt rather elated too. To think that Mike had known where to find him, had known he would be here, meant something. It meant a lot actually, as he stared down at his dusty runners, afraid to turn his head, afraid to see those eyes glaring at him, as they had back at Mike’s place. He couldn’t handle that, not just yet.

Yet, what was weird, was how he wanted to turn, to look at Mike. At the same time, he also found himself wondering, what did Mike’s crotch look like, if it was full, or not. It was like he had thought earlier, that he had missed out on so many good images, that he was trying to compensate for missing out. One more reason to stay focused on his feet, to not look.

As much as he had the urge to look, he kept his eyes averted, as he tried to figure out what it was, that Mike wanted. Did he come to apologize, or did he come to lash out some more at him?

Why did you, why did you come here?

To find you

Yeah, but why?

How long we been friends Jeff? Eleven or Twelve years?


That’s why, 12 years is a long time to be friends, to just, well, end it like this.

Didn’t sound like it earlier.

Yeah well, you rather dumped some heavy shit on me, out of the blue. How would you have reacted?

I don’t know, I wouldn’t have called you sick, or that other crap.

He could feel the tears welling up in the corners of his eyes, as he spoke. He could hear Mike’s breathing too, how he was trying to keep himself cool, to not get overly excited. It was odd, how he could know how Mike could be, how he could hear his chest rise and fall, & know what Mike was trying to do.

In so many ways, they were more like brothers, than just best friends. Mike knew how he was, how he did get into moods, and how he’d come here. Strange, but he never realized how often he would have one of his moods, and take off, yet Mike always showed up. And it was pretty soon after he had gotten here, too. Like he had known that something was wrong, had known where to go, to find him.

He had gotten used to that too, which maybe is why he wound up here. He had been hoping that once more, Mike would just show up, and here he was. Just as he had subconsciously hoped for.

Maybe not, but come on Jeff, what did you expect me to do? Throw my arms around you?

No, but you, I mean, what you said, it hurt, still does.

Okay, fair enough, I said some shitty things, but can you see it from my side? I mean you walk in to my bedroom, I am still half naked, and you tell me you are Gay? Like come on dude, you could have waited till I was dressed.

I guess, I just, I mean I am so used to just walking in, and I, I didn’t notice, I mean, uh, that.

Like I am supposed to believe that?


Why? I mean why the fuck should I?

Because, shit man, because I say so, because well, like I was too scared about what I wanted to say, I never was thinking of, well looking.

Yeah, I guess, sort of figured that out, afterwards.

I never, I mean I never did think of you that way.

He couldn’t keep on staring at his feet, and he moved his head, to turn and look over at Mike. His eyes seemed to not be listening to his mind, as they stared first at Mike’s exposed crotch, and then quickly moved up to look at his face.

Jeff felt his heart quicken, as he found himself staring into those dark eyes, that tanned face. He could see the lips were being tightly held, the eyes a bit narrowed, as his face lifted up to look back.

Uh huh.

It’s true.

Shit man, you just checked me out.

I uh, I mean, oh fuck it Mike, that’s different, least, it wasn’t by choice.

Oh what, your eyes are being controlled by some Alien force, give me a break.

No, it is just, I mean, I don’t know what the fuck I mean, so I checked you out first, it wasn’t like it was for long.

and that makes it okay?

Look, you came here looking for me, it’s a Gay thing, I guess.

What, you don’t know?

No, okay? I don’t fucking know, I mean Christ, you think I been sucking cocks for my whole life? I suck at it, just like I such at dicking a chick, okay? Happy now?

Jeff turned away, the tears were rolling down his face, as he realized just how fucked up he was. Maybe he wasn’t Gay, though he doubted it. He did check out Mike, even now, he was thinking of how good the guy looked, in the faded jeans, the long lanky legs. Sure wasn’t the thoughts of some frustrated straight guy, that was certain.

He sighed, as he stared out, looking over at the trees to his right, the field in front, but he kept his face from going left, to stare at Mike again. He knew, if he did, that his eyes would glance, would look down, out of instinct, out of some natural impulse.

you have done it with guys?


and it was bad?

sort of

then what, I mean what makes you think you are queer? If you aren’t good at it, maybe it’s because you aren’t supposed to be.

maybe, fuck Mike, I don’t know, it is just…

just what?

you don’t want to know.

yeah, yeah I do Jeff

Jeff turned around, and his eyes went straight to Mike’s face, where he didn’t see any anger, any hatred, as he had earlier in the day. For a fleeting moment, he thought that Mike really did care, that it wasn’t just an act. But the moment past, as he felt his own doubts, his own fears, once more taking hold of his thoughts.

Fine, I get a fucking boner, thinking about guys, looking at naked pictures of guys sucking each other off, okay? I get hard as fucking hell, but not when it comes to looking at boobs, or their cunt, okay? Satisfied now?

This time, it was Mike who averted the eyes first. He turned away, to stare out at the field, to say nothing, as he thought about it all. Jeff could feel his mind working, could feel how he was thinking about what he had said. Jeff didn’t turn away, for long.

Looking now, he could see how handsome Mike really was, as he thought about why Jeff thought he was Gay. He could see the thin nose, how it suited his long angular face. The way his jaw hung, how his eyelashes were fine, not bushy like some guys. He studied every detail, as he saw how Mike’s forehead wrinkled up, as he thought.

you serious?

uh huh.

So, you never got a boner, even when in the same room with a naked chick? How did you, I mean you have uh…

Yeah, I’ve fucked a few, and I got hard, by thinking of other things.

Other things? Like what?… shit, never mind I think I get it.

The silence just fell between them, and he turned away again, not sure what was going through Mike’s mind. Normally he could tell, but he wasn’t going to stare, to try and figure it out. Last thing he wanted was for Mike to think he was being checked out again. Yet, the idea did fascinate him, as he could feel his own dick stirring a bit, as he thought about it.

Mike wasn’t stupid, and Jeff was certain that he’d ask him. He didn’t know what he would say, or if he would answer him. It was bad enough, that Mike wasn’t comfortable with him being Gay, so he sure as fuck wouldn’t be happy knowing that those ‘other things’ were sometimes about him.

In all honesty, it was mostly that one summer, and okay, few other times, when he was really desperate to get it hard, to not let his date figure it out. Besides, girls could handle it better, if they figured he had been cheating, than if he was Gay. Strange how that worked, but then sex wasn’t what he had ever expected. Even now, at eighteen, it just wasn’t what he had thought.

Wasn’t like he had any real experiences to use, or uncluttered views to rely on, but he had enough close encounters, to sort of know. Like, he knew that Mike was cut, that he was rather thick all the way from his groin to the tip, but as to how thick, well that was just a guess.

No way he’d ask, though he wished he knew. It would have helped him out a few times, and it would certainly have made some of his more private moments, a bit more memorable. Yet, as much as he wanted to know, as desperate as he was to not tell him, he knew, deep inside, that it would all come out.

He could feel it happening, feel Mike’s anger being turned on him, once more. Jeff knew it would be worse, than earlier. Hell, he could feel his muscles tighten, feel his body almost flinch, because inside, he knew Mike would lash out at him, that he’d strike out at him. Wasn’t like they hadn’t had any real fights, just not physical one’s.

Sure they had pushed each other, out of anger, but nothing in their past, had been quite like this moment was shaping up to be. He could still feel how hard Mike’s hands were, as they had pushed him on the chest, during one of their few tiffs. He could still see how his face had grown taut, how his eyes seemed like they were spitting fire, much like how they were earlier this morning.

Jeff felt trapped, as if the worse day of his life, was only going to get even more worse. He hated this feeling, but he couldn’t help it. Deep down, he knew he had to tell Mike, to try and explain it to him. He could feel him next to him, smell him, which was driving him nuts too. The way his emotions kept flying all over the place.

One second he was afraid of coming to blows, then in another flash of a millisecond, he was thinking of how good it would feel to touch him, to feel his body on his, even if it was in the midst of a fight. Then there was the wild thought, that maybe they could work through it, that maybe in his way, Mike didn’t mind being the object of Jeff’s desires.

Problem for him, was how did he say what he felt, without making it worse?

so uh, how many guys? I mean you have done it with guys, haven’t you?

yeah, but, not many.

how come?

it’s not easy, finding guys, I mean, well, you may uh think they are, but uh, you can’t be certain.

I guess, never thought about it, least not that uh, I was ever, shit, see, this is what pisses me off, I don’t know what to fucking say.

say whatever you want, you didn’t have much trouble getting the words out this morning.

Mike just glared at him, and he right back at him. No way was he going to make it easy for the guy, even if he did seem like he was trying to make up for it. He could still hear those words, still feel their sting as they hit him. His own face was flushed, as he stared at Mike, who finally lowered his eyes, and stared down at his feet, then glance up at Jeff, then back to his feet.

guess not

why are you here Mike? Taking pity on the fag?

Okay, guess I deserved that, it is just, fuck man, I never had a clue. Besides, it isn’t easy to think, to uh, well, to think of all we talked about, that it was, well just an act, on your part.

an act? No, no it wasn’t that, maybe I wasn’t interested in hearing about your dates, or talking about those I went on, but it wasn’t an act.

why didn’t you just, tell me? Why now?

I am leaving to College, I don’t know, I mean, I really don’t know why, just that, well, I had to, before I left.

What, you figure I’d walk in on you and some stud up at college?

Maybe, you did say you’d come up and visit.

yeah, guess, still, I don’t get it Jeff, what is it that turns you on about a guy? I mean, isn’t it, well, just seems like it’d be…

dirty, awkward, what?

different, don’t, look, you and me, we go way back, can’t we, can’t we just talk about this?

yeah, I suppose, but… shit Mike, you make it so friggin hard at times.


He saw the expression on Mike’s face, and he couldn’t help but begin to laugh. It was funny, as he saw how flustered his friend was, not sure if he was talking about getting a hard on, or about making conversation difficult. It was funny, though he did feel a bit tight around the crotch, and as he chuckled, he also noticed how Mike’s eyes kept going down to his crotch, then back up, looking rather confused.

It only made him laugh a bit louder, and for a second he thought he had gone too far, as Mike’s face grew redder, his brow furled in that angry look, but then he too some the comedy in all, and chuckled as well, leaning back against the tree. At the same time, his legs spread out a bit further, and Jeff couldn’t help but look.

He stopped laughing, because he was certain that Mike’s crotch was showing a bulge, almost as if somehow he was excited, or at least getting that way. Looking up, he stared into his friends face, wondering, feeling rather confused. No way could a straight guy like Mike get turned on by some queer talking about a stiffy, could he?

Looking back up at Mike, he saw his cheeks were flushed, and his eyes were everywhere, but looking back. It didn’t make sense, because he did know Mike was straight, still, the signs, could his gaydar be that far off? Hell, he didn’t even know when they really were gay, like that guy Mathew who had to come straight out and ask if he wanted a blow job.

That had been freaky really, and he wasn’t sure if it had been a put on, least not until they had their pants down at the ankles. So could he have missed the signs with Mike? Could he have been that wrong?

uh, without you going ballistic, can uh, I mean, fuck, can I uh…

am I like you? Shit no.

Jeff saw how Mike’s face quickly grew firm, but he didn’t lash out, though the way he had said no was pretty convincing. Still, why the boner? Christ, why was he even here, trying to talk about it, but not?

Then, I mean…

Why did I come here, instead of just leaving things the way they were this morning?


I guess because we have been friends, because, well, I don’t know, this stuff, this being Gay, you really sure? I mean it isn’t just because of, well,

Turning away slightly, Jeff stared out at the field, wondering what to say. Was it because he was attracted to guys, or was it like Mike thought, because he hadn’t done very good in the girlfriend department? Then too, he hadn’t exactly done so hot with guys either, but he still felt excited thinking about them, not girls. It wasn’t something he could put into words, yet as he looked at Mike, he felt rather warm, and maybe that was the answer?

Yeah I am sure, I don’t know if I can explain it, but it is like, when you see a girl, that looks a certain way, you feel hot? Right?


well, I get that way around certain guys, and well, look, remember what’s her name, Janice or Janet?

Janet, and yeah, not like I can forget that.

Exactly, I mean the sex, you didn’t exactly do great, least the way you told me, but that didn’t stop you from getting horny when you saw other girls, that fit your uh, tastes, right?

True, but that’s different.

Why? Just because I uh, because I haven’t done it right, or was like how you were with Janet, doesn’t stop me from being horny when around certain guys, girls just never really did it for me, not like guys do.

He didn’t know if Mike would understand it, because he really didn’t, least not so he could explain. Still, the more he thought about it, the more it made sense to him. It wasn’t like he woke up one morning, wanting dick. It had always been there, but he just never knew it. Not sure he did now, other than it felt right.

It did excite him, to think of guys, to think of taking their clothes off, of seeing their dick spring out from under their shorts. That kind of thrill, never seemed to happen when thinking of girls, so it wasn’t his lack of success with them.

so, uh, am I your type?


am I your type, or you like the kind like, what was his name, Henry?

No, Henry isn’t my type, and I guess, yeah you are the type.

You uh, you think of me that way?


yeah, truth.

I have, do, oh shit Mike, I did, but I try not to, I mean, well, I can’t help it, you are the kind of guy I’d like to be with, in uh, in that way.

what do you mean “did”?

okay, do maybe is the right word, just that, fuck, I try not to, I mean yeah you have the looks I like, all that stuff, but we are friends, I wouldn’t trade that for anything, not even sex.

It was nearly impossible, but he couldn’t turn away. He had to face him, to let him know that he meant it, that it wasn’t about sex, that he like Mike for him, and that he could control himself. He really didn’t want to lose his friendship, if he could avoid it.

Yet at the same time, he couldn’t deny how looking at him made his body react. He couldn’t help but realize that he had always wanted Mike both, as a friend, and as someone to have sex with. He couldn’t deny those feelings, control them, maybe, but damn it was hard.

so what, you get off thinking of me, naked or something?

Inspiration from BoyFunk


( Click image for larger view )


Clearing the Air (1)

Clearing the Air

By Ian Kovnats (Gaystoryman)

Copyright © 2008 ? All Rights Reserved

Part (1)

Yeah I am gay.

I knew it, I knew you were a fag

Look Mike, it isn’t what you think, it…

Like hell it isn’t, how could you? I mean all this time, and you liked dick? You are sick man, you need help.

Come off it Mike, you don’t mean that shit.

Fucking right I do, all these years, how long dude? How long you been drooling over my dick? Gawd, it makes me sick, to think… fuck Jeff, just, just fucking go, okay? I don’t want to, just fuck off.

It was never that way Mike, Christ, I thought you at least would…

What? Thought I’d be okay with my best friend being queer? Man you are sick, just leave, go, just leave, I don’t want to hear anymore, just leave.

He knew that look, knew it from times before and let his head look away. Inside he felt the pain, and he could taste the bile in his throat as he turned away from the angry look of his friend. Jeff knew it was pointless to continue, to try and explain it, as Mike simply wasn’t going to listen, least not now.

Maybe after it had sunk in, maybe when he cooled off, he’d come around, but taking one last look at his friend of over 12 years, he didn’t see much hope of that happening, anytime soon. His heart stuttered a bit, as he shuffled out of the door, heading down the stairs towards the front door. He looked up, to see Mike staring down at him, and he thought about making one more stab at it, but didn’t.

The hate that came from Mike’s eyes was too overpowering. He could see how his chest heaved from his anger, how his lips were tightly pursed together, adding to the sense of anger that was directed at him. He sighed, and turned away from his friend, knowing that he really was alone.

It hurt, to think that what started back in grade school was over, in such a flash. Here he was eighteen, about to head off to college, and he was leaving a lot more behind than just childhood memories. He was leaving behind friendships, that had been built over a long time.

As he walked down the sidewalk, he heard the front door of Mike’s house slam shut. Turning he saw the dark brown of the door, knowing that he had been wrong. That for all those years, he had believed that he and Mike shared something special, beyond just school friends. It wasn’t like he thought Mike was gay either, and other than a brief fantasy of him, he never looked at him that way.

Mike obviously wouldn’t buy that, and no way could he tell him either. Sure, Mike was hot, had a great body and build, but he just never let himself really think of him, in quite that way. Okay, maybe he had a few summers back, but that was when he was realizing that he liked guys, over girls. It wasn’t like he had acted on those thoughts, and okay, so he had sneaked a few peeks in, and yeah, it had gotten him horny, but he had never let Mike know.

So what the fuck was the harm? He felt his chest heave a bit, as he walked down the sidewalk, not sure where he was heading, just as long as it was far away from one more disappointment in a growing list of failures. Life fucking sucked, he thought, as he let the sun beat down on his shoulders, as his feet just kept him trucking on, going anywhere, but back.

What hurt the most was that Mike had never seemed homophobic either. Like that time when they were juniors at High School, and some kids were picking on a new transfer student. They were all pushing the guy around, who everyone assumed was Gay. They were calling him fag, queer, sissy boy, and it was Mike who stopped them.

It didn’t make sense, because he had risked his whole reputation, stepping in to protect the guy, who they didn’t even know. Hell, he had backed Mike up too, like a friend should, so why the fuck was Mike being such a dickhead now? Why could he stand up for some stranger, but not accept his best friend being one?

He knew he was acting like a baby. Jeff wiped his eyes, hating the tears that just seemed to keep on rolling down his face. He hated feeling this way, and why should he be so upset? Okay, so Mike took it bad, he was better off without him, if he was such a bigot that he couldn’t accept his best friend being gay. Like it wasn’t like he had asked him to have sex with him. So what the fuck, was his problem?

Alright, so some of their old school friends might make some smart ass comment, but it wasn’t like they’d be seeing them much. They were all off to College or elsewhere, and frankly, who gave a shit what they thought anyhow? Not like Mark or Jason or the others would pick a fight with either of them, least of all Mike. After all he was not some geek from the Computer Club, but was an accomplished High School athlete.

Shit, Mike had taken All District, for boxing, had been runner up to State Champion, so what was his problem? So what if he hanged out with a gay guy? Wasn’t like Jeff was a slouch either, sports wise. He had done pretty good in Baseball, and had won his heats in Track. Okay, so he didn’t make State, but that wasn’t because of him. He had done his bit on the relay team, so what the fuck was Mike’s problem?

None of that would be changed, if they all knew he was Gay, they couldn’t take away any medals, and so what if some might think that Mike and him were bum buddies? They thought that when Mike had stood up for that new buy, Henry. It had been a rough few weeks, but they had survived it, and no one knew that he was gay.

So if Mike could stand up for a stranger, why couldn’t he stand up for his friend of twelve years? It was pissing him off, but it hurt more. To think that he’d risk it all for some stranger, but not for him? Like where did Mike get off on that, yet he had let him. He hadn’t stayed, hadn’t fought for their friendship either. Maybe it wasn’t that Mike was anti gay, maybe just surprised?

He looked up, to notice that he had walked a fair distance. There really wasn’t much point in going home now, his parents wouldn’t be there, nor his sister or younger brother. They were all off for the weekend, and in some ways, he was rather glad of that. This wasn’t the time to have to put up with his Sister’s knowing smirks, his younger brother’s nagging either.

Sure as hell wasn’t the time to deal with his parents either. They had enough of their plate, though he was fairly certain they had a clue, an inkling. The way his Mom had shushed his Dad, when he had been suggesting that at college he’d find a nice girl. She had to know, and by how quickly his Dad had picked up on her signals, well, he had to know too.

Then again, maybe they didn’t? Jeff didn’t want to have to deal with that, as well as Mike. So he was glad they were gone for the weekend, but now, he felt even more alone, more isolated. Glancing around, he decided he’d head a bit further, to the one place that held nothing but good memories.

It was their spot, where they always went when things were a bit hot in town. It was the spot where he had ran to, when he had heard about his grandmother, and it was where Mike had found him, to calm him down.

It was the place where he and Mike had their first joint, their first beer even. It was the place where he had sat up all night, keeping Mike safe, after he had tried some mushrooms, and had a really bad time of it too. It was the place best friends went, when things needed to be thought about, to be talked over.

As the wind picked up a bit, he saw the grove of trees, and the fences alongside the road. He was nearing ‘their’ place, where they had first talked about sex, about dating. It was the place where barely into their teens, they had discovered the joys of jacking off.

Maybe it was that memory that had gotten Mike all steamed up? But shit, it wasn’t like he knew shit about being gay or straight back then. He didn’t even know about sperm, or any of that stuff. It was just two kids entering puberty, and it wasn’t like he stared at Mike’s little dick then either. Wasn’t like he thought much about it, other than how cool it was, how it had made him feel to feel that shudder, then that warm stuff ooze through his fingers.

Like he knew what an orgasm was back then? Yet it was out here, under that big old tree, where they had both found out about the mysteries of the body. As he climbed over the broken down fence, he sighed, realizing that all the good times he had shared here, were just that. Memories only, because there would be no Mike to help make new ones.

If anyone doubted he was queer, they’d know it for sure if they stumbled onto him now. Christ, he was like some unstoppable faucet, dripping buckets of tears at the drop of a hat. Wiping them away, for the umpteenth time, he felt his chest heave a bit, as he slowly made his way through the tall uncut grass of the field, towards the trees, towards their spot.

He couldn’t remember who had found it, but it had been theirs ever since he could remember. The big tree was never crowded by the new growth, and it looked out across the field, hidden by the grass and other trees, but from it’s huge trunk, you could look out and see everything.

It was a perfect spot, because no one could sneak up on you, not that they had any reason to hide. They were kids, and it was just a place to sit, to talk, to unwind. This was where they talked about their dreams, about the teachers, homework, family. Nothing dirty, nothing perverted, and they would simply lean back against the huge tree trunk, and look out, talking when the mood suited them.

That was what he would miss, that friendship. It wasn’t like he would stare over at Mike, at his stretched out body, at those long legs spread just slightly apart, as were his own. It wasn’t like he would try to snatch a glance at his crotch, least not that he could recall. Still, it was obvious that Mike thought he must have, must be thinking that all Jeff ever did, was try to get into his pants.

There had been times, when he wished he could share some of those things with Mike. Like how he had felt, when he had been with his first guy. To say it had been different was an understatement. It had scared him too, but he never talked about it, never mentioned it. Come to think of it, they really didn’t talk all that much about any sexual experiences. Not even Mike, which he had to admit, was odd.

Jeff had tried the straight game, for show. Yet, he couldn’t really remember, now, that first time being with a girl. Thinking about it now, as he pushed past the bushes, to enter the grove of trees, he realized that even Mike seemed less forthcoming about his exploits. Hell, he could remember when Mike had said he and Cathy had gone all the way. How his eyes had seemed so dull then, not excited at all. How he had said it was just ‘okay’, not what the guys in the locker room made it out to be.

Sure, they had talked about the various girls they had dated, nothing really specific. They had commented on the breast, on the pussies, but nothing too graphic, nothing you could really call ‘exciting’ or ‘arousing’.

He moved inside, and saw the tree. How big it looked, how sturdy too. It was like nothing could faze it, not wind, fire, rain, not loss of friends either. It was there, would be for a long time to come, but somehow he felt sad, like a big part of his life had been ripped away from him. Okay, he couldn’t blame Mike, after all he had never even tried to discuss it with him, or hint at it.

Yet, how do you hint that you like guys over girls to someone like Mike? I mean he was always popular, the guys and girls all liked him, as did the teachers. He wasn’t your typical jock. He studied, got decent grades, and still went out a lot with different girls. So how do you hint that you are into guys?

Besides, what could you say? ‘Oh look at so & so, man what a basket on him’. That sure as fuck wouldn’t be subtle, and he hadn’t a clue how to be subtle. What could he had said, to make Mike wonder, to prepare him for a day like today? He could have brought up stuff about Gays, like the whole marriage crap that was going on, but then, he had, and it hadn’t gotten him anywhere.

Maybe if he’d discussed it more? Though Mike seemed uninterested, yet said he never figured out why it was such a big deal with some. He personally hadn’t given a shit if two guys married, or girls. And that was it, nothing else, though he never pursued it, either. So maybe he should have? Maybe he should have tried to engage Mike in more talks about it, or other stuff, like letting Gays serve in the military.

Jeff let his hand run over the rough bark of the tree, as he thought about it, knowing that there was no easy answer to it. He couldn’t just bring it up, and it wasn’t like guys his age really talked about that shit. Hell, he wasn’t even sure how he felt about it, and he was Gay. How the fuck was some straight guy going to care?

Sitting down, and leaning back against their tree, he stared out at the field across from him. How tall the grass looked, how it moved in the small breeze, making it seem like it was a chorus of hands waving. He felt so alone, wishing that Mike had understood, hadn’t flown off like he had.

He had said some harsh stuff, and maybe he was right? Maybe he was sick, to feel the way he did. After all, a lot of people said it was abnormal, that it was freakish. Maybe they were right, though if they were, why wasn’t there any way to change it? Jeff sat there, feeling like he didn’t know which way to turn, to go.

Deciding to tell Mike, was not a spur of the moment thing either. He had thought about it for some time, until this morning, when he finally made up his mind. Okay, he was heading off next month to College, and Mike wasn’t joining him there, so he figured, now was the time. Obviously that was wrong, but why should it have been?

He had trusted Mike with a lot of stuff, in their friendship. How he had puked when going down on that cheer leader when he was sixteen, or how he had been really hard pressed to get it up, when he had been dating Suzie. Now, those might not be hints, but they were personal, private. He had shared that stuff with Mike, who had shared some of his own experiences. So how did it all go so wrong?

Maybe he should have thought more about it, before springing it on him, but fuck, he had lost enough sleep worrying about it. Sure, he could have kept quiet, and truthfully, he wasn’t too sure why he had this urge to tell him. He couldn’t explain it, but for months he had felt like he needed to tell him, to let him know. Why, well, that was still a puzzler for him, as he stared out at the field.

How could he have been so wrong about him? Why didn’t Mike get it, that it was still him, still the same guy who had held him close that night, when he had a bad trip on mushrooms? That didn’t make him trying to seduce him, or get him over to the gay side.

The guy had been so scared, had been crying too. He had to do something, to calm him, and holding him close, well it had seemed the right thing to do. It had worked too, because as long as he was being held, Mike didn’t freak out, didn’t go off on some crying jag either. Surely that had to count for something? Just a bit of understanding?

Instead he gets told he is sick? That he needs treatment? Fuck, that wasn’t right, or fair even. Maybe he did need help, if what everyone though was true, but there were just as many who didn’t see it that way, who saw being gay as being natural, as being normal.

Wasn’t like he had decided to give being a gay a shot, because his straight sex life sucked. Wasn’t that he was so inept at straight sex, that he opted to try it out with guys. If anything, the few times he had managed to find another guy, he didn’t think he had quite passed muster. Sure as hell not when that one guy had tried to fuck him up the ass.

God, that had hurt so much, that he had stopped him from going any further. Come to think of it, he had bolted from the bushes, pulling his pants up, feeling scared shitless as he raced away from the little clearing the guy had taken him too. Wasn’t like he was a dog either, had a rather cute smile, nice dimples really, and he had seemed nice.

Course he was a bit older than Jeff was, and he knew what he wanted too. He had the spot all picked out, had the Condoms too. Still, he had ran, and never had taken a dick up his ass, yet. He wanted to, but it wasn’t like guys like him wore signs or anything.

Lot different with girls, you could walk up, ask them out on a date, and not get punched in the face. Try that with a guy, and you could wind up not only decked, but in a hospital room. Why couldn’t Mike see it that way? Like who could he talk to about it, if not his best friend? Wasn’t that what best buds did, talk about stuff they couldn’t with others, including girlfriends?

Like he could see it now, talking with Jane or Mary, telling them that yeah, it was okay to fuck them, but what he really wanted was to have a dick up his own ass, to have someone suck his dick that didn’t get lipstick on it. That would have gone over really good, and while maybe Jane might have understood, the others sure as fuck wouldn’t. So who was he left with, but Mike? There was no one else, and he was scared.

That was the truth of it all. He was frightened of going off to college, of not finding anyone, or maybe of finding someone. What if he got drunk at one of those infamous college keg parties, and blurted it out that he was gay? Would he ruin his whole college years because of drunk indiscretion?

Could be worse too, instead of just blurting it out, he could make a pass on some guy, and that would be one for the books. Hell, he had been blitzed when he had met Ryan, who had been his first. He had lucked out too, because Ryan was in worse shape than him. And to this day, he rather doubted if Ryan even remembered the blow job that Jeff had given him.

He had nightmares about that one, for weeks after. Mike had asked, but back then, well no way could he have told him about it. Bad enough to have told him today, about being Gay, just imagine what he would have done a few years ago? Then too, he should have known better. Booze and him never got along. He was what you called, the kind who had a real low tolerance for alcohol.

Like they would joke about the girls, who one sip and were gone, well he was the male equivalent. Give him a couple of beers, and he was falling down blitzed. Mike on the other hand, well he seemed like he could handle it pretty good. Yet he never seemed to go out and party that hard, despite being what you would call a typical teenager.

Drugs weren’t their thing either, which he had to admit was a good thing. It was the sports thing, that kept them both from hitting most of the crap out there. Mike had experimented a bit more than he ever had, but he wasn’t a druggie. Oh they smoked the odd joint, between them, and usually it was here.

Wasn’t like they went out back of the school, like so many did. They had a few puffs, and Mike was funny when he was stoned. He had this permanent grin that would show up. His teeth would glisten because he never could close his lips over them, when stoned. Plus, he would giggle, for no reason. He’d look over, with that stupid perma-grin and start giggling. He’d laugh so hard, tears would roll down his face, and it would get him laughing too.

All that was gone now, simply because he had to tell him about being Gay. Man, why couldn’t he have just kept quiet? Not like telling him would help him deal with College life, or in being able to tell who, on campus, were gay or not. He still couldn’t tell, and didn’t think he’d ever get the hang of that, of knowing who was, or wasn’t.

Jeff pulled his legs up, and rested his head on top, as he tried to figure it all out. To try and come to terms with being alone, that being gay was more like having some disease, that made him an outcast. He knew, deep inside, that he was just feeling sorry for himself, but damn it, he hated being gay.

It cost him Mike, and while Mike was hot, it was his friendship that he had lost. It was that which he wanted, which he’d gladly trade all the blow jobs, all the ass fucking, for, if he could. Not like he had got lots, though if you believed a quarter of what the magazines said, every teenager that was gay, had tons of gay sex before even coming close to heading off to college.

Well, maybe they did, but he sure as fuck didn’t. He wished he had, wished he could figure it all out, but maybe Mike was right, maybe he was sick. If being gay was normal, like some said, how come no one was willing to stand up and say so? Henry sure as hell didn’t, and he not only looked gay, but talked like one too. That high voice, the way he would gesture with his hands, how he walked, all said he was gay, but he wouldn’t admit it.

Didn’t stop others from picking on him, from making his life miserable, but would it have helped if he had admitted to being Gay? He doubted it, and he wished he knew the answer, wished he could have talked about it with Mike, but he hadn’t. Hadn’t gone after Henry either, which he knew was gay.

Leaning against the tree, he wondered why he had never pursued Henry? Okay, he was a bit on the thin side, and wasn’t what Jeff would call all that good looking. Still he had some good qualities. He wasn’t ugly, didn’t have a bad case of acne or anything, but he was too girlish for him. Still, if he had made a play, would he have responded? Even thinking of him now, he didn’t feel any physical reaction.

Somehow he had this whole sex thing wrong. Maybe he couldn’t find another gay guy easily, because he really wasn’t gay? Could he be just, well, frustrated at not scoring with the girls, as most guys did? Like Mike? Could he simply be imagining all this preferring dick over pussy stuff, simply because he wasn’t good in bed with girls? That maybe he was too scared, so that is why he had trouble getting an erection when with them?

After all, eventually he did get it hard enough, he did manage to get his rocks off, so was it simply that he was a frustrated rookie at sex? Sure, he got stiff pretty hard when he looked at the gay magazines, at other guys and their dicks, or spread apart butt cheeks, but was it some quirk, due to his fear of being with girls?

If he was honest with himself, the few gay experiences hadn’t been exactly much different. He had problems getting stiff, hell, he had problems getting naked in front of them. So, maybe he wasn’t gay? Could it be that simple, in which case, maybe Mike could help? Maybe if he explained it, like that, to Mike, he would understand, would realize that Jeff really wasn’t gay?

Mind you, he didn’t believe it, so how could Mike? That was one thing, Mike could usually tell when Jeff was talking out of his ass, and this would be no different. He got stiff from seeing dick, from seeing guys having sex with guys, and the girl magazines, did nothing for him.

Staring at the glossy photo’s of girls with boobs, of their legs spread open, did nothing for him. It didn’t stir his dick a single bit. Now give him a nice ass spread apart, tiny tufts of hair around that pink hole, well his dick was like a steel girder. Just like it was right now, from just thinking of a guy’s asshole. So no way could he bullshit his way out of this one, least of all with Mike.

The guy knew him too well, and he him, or so he had thought. It still didn’t make sense, at why Mike had gotten so pissed off? What did he think, that he would ask him to let him suck him off? Or something? I mean yeah, Mike was hot, but he was straight, so why would he ask him that kind of shit?

It wasn’t like they were exactly shy around each other, but still, thinking about it now, it wasn’t like they were naked in front of each other. Sure a few times, like on sleep overs, or when they would go down to the river in the summer. Still, they generally wore their shorts, neither of them really going whole hog. Yeah, he had seen the outline of Mike’s cock in his wet shorts, had seen his shorts tented when he would get out and run to the bathroom on sleep overs, but like that was normal. He always woke up with a boner, so how did him being Gay, change all that?

Maybe he should have paid more attention. Taken more note of those moments, when Mike had a hard on, or he could see it. Maybe then he wouldn’t feel like somehow, he had missed out on whatever it was Mike was accusing him of?

The cough made him snap his head upwards, his thoughts of what should have or could have gone as he stared up at the figure now standing in front of him. He saw the sun behind him, shining and blurring the image, until his eyes adjusted to the brightness.


Yeah, me.

How did you, what are you doing here?

Where else would you go when you are in one of your moods?

Yeah, well I am not leaving, I got here first, if you don’t like it, well you can piss off somewhere else.

Don’t go throwing a hissy fit, it makes you seem like some wusse.

Fuck Off

It is funny, at times, how one model, in a totally different set can make you think about him, in a totally different way. Take Jeff Cruise from BoyFunk, who sort of inspired this entire story, with his pouting look, from his solo set, Jeff’s Happy Trail.


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Story – Best Friends

Best Friends

By Ian Kovnats (Gaystoryman)

Copyright © 2008 ? All Rights Reserved

Part (-)

Kirk stepped back, and wiped his forehead with the greasy rag, as he stared down at the engine. His eyes carefully examined it all, until he leaned around the open hood and signalled for Brent to turn it over. He bit his lower lip as he heard the starter engage, then the rumble, then finally the purr as the motor turned over and ran smoothly in a soft idle. His face broke out into a smile, as he reached up and slammed the hood down, feeling rather pleased with himself, as Brent gunned the motor a couple of times, then shut it off.

Climbing out of the driver’s side, Kirk couldn’t help but notice how excited his friend was, and he knew too, it was due to his luck, his knack with motors. He had known Brent for ages it seemed, from when they were little rug rats actually, playing in each other’s sandboxes, and as they grew up, they never seemed to be apart, until lately.

Many used to think of them as brothers, not just from their similar looks, but at how they were always together. It was almost as if they were brothers, even when they were in High School, they were inseparable. When Brent dated a cheerleader, he dated her best friend, when he tried out for the football team, so did Brent.

Nothing kept them apart, until graduation. Then it just seemed to change, as he went to go work for his father in his construction company, and Brent just seemed to drift away. He didn’t even try to follow, but they kept in touch, and now here they were, together again. The call had been a surprise, and it had given him a rather naughty feeling inside, hearing his friend’s voice again. He always had those thoughts about Brent, and at times wondered if Brent didn’t have them about him too.

Looking at the wide grin on his face, he felt rather aroused too. It hadn’t been all that long since they had seen each other, but it seemed like ages to him. He missed their time jogging together, or hitting the bars together, though he did prefer a different type of bar, than what he thought Brent would be comfortable at.

The thought that maybe Brent had found out about him had crossed his mind. He had to admit, it would make him withdraw, but right now all he could think of was how good it was to see him again. He hadn’t really changed much. Brent was still a stud, had that wild look that would drive the girls, and him, crazy. The way he would toss his hair, and stare, was a trademark of his. It had gotten him quite a few dates, that never ended with just a kiss. Least the way he told it.

Still in some ways, Brent was more of the shy type too. Together, whether it was in the locker room or down by the lake, he rarely would undress in front of him. Now he, well he wasn’t bashful, he would strip in a second, and maybe that was the tip off? He usually had a semi hard dick, and maybe Brent had tweaked to the fact that it was because of him?

It wasn’t like he put any moves on him either, though he wished he had. There had been times, when he could have said something, but had been too tongue tied, too nervous. Yet even all the times they had been together, he still didn’t have a good clear image of what his best friend looked like naked.

Foreskin pulled back just for youOh he had seen him without a shirt or pants on, and could tell he wasn’t exactly sporting a tiny dick either. He knew he had fair sized balls, and his ass was definitely one he wouldn’t mind spreading apart and exploring, but as to the exact image, well that was something he could only guess at. He had seen the odd glimpse of the bare ass, but never his dick. Hell he didn’t know if he was even cut or not, and while he had the suspicion that he was uncut, it was only in his dreams that he let his mind explore that scenario.

He jumped a little, as the door slammed shut, and looked up to see his friend. God, how he would like to tell him, to let him know how much he liked him, wanted him too. Thinking of Brent that way, was making him uncomfortable, as it was giving him a rather tell tale bulge in his pants. As he looked over at his friend, he could see his blue eyes dart down, checking him out, then quickly glance away, to stare out at the surrounding trees.

You are a lifesaver man.

Lucky is all

Yeah you always had luck with stuff mechanical, I been working on this piece of shit for a month now. You take a couple of hours, and it purrs like a kitten.

Wasn’t that hard, you’d have gotten there soon enough.

I owe you bud.

Nah, it’s cool.

No, serious man, I owe you, I really need to have it running, only wheels I got, and stuck out here, in the boonies, you gotta have wheels.

‘I would guess so, but it’s okay, anything for a friend.’

Come on man, you drove all the way out here, there has to be something I can do for you, I am serious man, I owe you big time. Besides, you know me, you know how I am, about this kind of stuff.

Looking at his friend, he knew exactly what he meant. Brent was anal about keeping the account squared with people. He would go out of his way, to make sure he never owed anyone, not money, not favors even. It was the one thing, other than his yen for him, that always caused friction between them. If Brent figured he owed him, he’d make damn sure to keep harping on it, until the debt was paid off.

No big deal, besides it was good to see you again.

Come on Kirk, there has to be something you want, that I can give you, or do for you.

Maybe it was his imagination, but when he had said it, he had stared right at Kirk’s crotch, and then at his own, before looking up into Kirk’s face. The way his eyes looked, how he suddenly tossed his hair, just as he used to do when on the prowl, made his heart quake a bit. God, if he only had the nerve to say it, to speak the words.

No man, it’s okay.

Bull, we been friends a long time, ever since kindergarten, so don’t give me there isn’t anything, I know you Kirk, so spill it.

He knew what he wanted to say, but he couldn’t. Instead he watched as his friend walked slowly over to the aged picnic table, and sat down on the top. He reached into the old cooler, one that had been to many little camp outs, little jaunts to the lake. Staring at his friend, he couldn’t help but admire his looks. He still had it, even at the old age of 19, and the way the sweat made his bare chest glisten, was a total turn on for him too.

So he was a pervert, or at least a day dreamer. Brent always liked being shirtless, today being no different, and the conversation certainly had Kirk’s imagination running wild. Then too, those firm nipples, the small tuft of blond hair down his chest, all made him ache inside, but he couldn’t say it, as much as he wanted to.

Well, you can give me a beer.

Brent reached inside the cooler and tossed Kirk a cold can of beer. As he did Kirk couldn’t help but notice how he was staring at him, as if he knew, and was just waiting for him to say something. No way could he know, but at this moment, the way his eyes stared at him, he was damn sure he did.

We been friends for a long time, haven’t we Kirk?

Huh? Yeah, you know we have.

So, what’s the big deal then?

Big deal? What you blabbering about Brent.

Why don’t you just come out and tell me what you want, you know I am gonna keep on pestering you until you do, so why waste time?

He was playing for time, as he popped open the beer, and took a long swig of it. His eyes noticed how Brent had his legs apart, at how his basket filled the jeans just as he remembered. Yeah, he knew him, wished he knew him better too, but not in the way Brent was thinking, or was he?

Looking up at his face, he could see how his eyes were soft looking, waiting patiently for him to reply. How his bare suntanned arms rested on the table top, as he leaned back on them. It was typical Brent, to be so at ease, and yet Kirk knew he wasn’t. He knew his friend, knew the signs, as well as Kirk did.

I wanna suck you off.

Even as he said it, he felt like the world had stopped turning on its axis. His eyes were lowered, but cast upwards over the top of the beer can. He waited, nervous, sweat beading up on his forehead, and not from the sun either. He couldn’t believe he had said it like that, and as he waited, wondering if he could make it to his car before Brent got a hold of him.

The silence was killing him, as was the strange look that Brent was giving him. It wasn’t like he had moved a muscle since he blurted it out, not even batted an eyelash. Everything seemed so quiet, so still, that he felt like turning and just running to his car, to escape the moment. Yet, as much as he wanted to run, he couldn’t.

He felt like he was glued to the ground, as he stood there, waiting for what he knew would be nothing less than a few harsh words. It was as if he was waiting for sentence to be passed on him, for committing some crime, as the silence grew even more intolerable. Looking up at Brent, his fist tightening around the beer can, he tried to not show his fear.

That what you really want?

The voice was soft, no hint of anger or even disappointment in it. Just sort of matter of fact, as if it was no big deal. Kirk merely nodded as he stood there, unsure what would happen next.

I have to do anything? Other than uh, cum?

No, nothing.

Brent turned slightly, as he reached for another can of beer out of the cooler. He kept his face towards Kirk, as he fumbled in the cooler for the can, then as he brought it out, he hesitated for a second, before he popped the lid open. He took a long drink of it, then wiped his lips with the back of his hand.

Okay, I am ready.

Uh, you sure? I mean…

I am sure.

It was like walking through quicksand, as he slowly moved over towards the picnic table and Brent. The way his legs sort of drew him closer, the tight full basket beckoning him closer. He could feel his sweat dripping down, and he wiped his forehead, while looking at his friend. There wasn’t any expression really on his face, sort of a blank stare really, yet it wasn’t menacing.

For one brief second, he thought it might be a trap, to get him closer so Brent could grab him, and wail on him, but he knew Brent, that wasn’t his style. Yet as he drew closer, he could feel his heart skipping a few beats, but he wasn’t sure if it was from fear, or excitement.

At last he was in arm’s reach, and he could see a small little quiver in the legs, as he stared at his friend’s crotch. How inviting it looked, how long he had waited to see what was behind that bulging basket. Now he would find out, as he looked up into Brent’s face. He saw the eyes, a bit of a sparkle, a bit of excitement maybe? He wasn’t sure, as he stood next to the table, between the spread open legs.

He sighed, as he looked up at Brent. He could feel his own body being excited, feel the press of his hard dick against the constraints of his shorts and pants. Looking down, he licked his lips as he let one hand move outwards, to undo the button. Kirk could feel the trembling of his fingers and glancing up, he saw the eyes, the way they seemed to smile, as if to reassure him.


Brent just nodded as he pushed his body a bit closer, opening his legs a tad wider. He too licked his lips, and Kirk could feel his eyes boring into his, watching him closely as the fingers moved and touched the waistband of Brent’s pants. They quivered, as he felt the warm skin of Brent’s belly against the knuckles.

It took him a few seconds, but he finally managed to undo the button, then unzip the pants. He was breathing hard, as he stared at the faded blue shorts, and the little bulge it showed. He licked his lips again, feeling how dry they suddenly were, as he took hold of the pants, and the shorts, then looked upwards. The eyes were still staring right at him, not moving away or anything.

He swallowed some saliva, as he glanced back down, and began to pull the pants and shorts. Brent lifted his hips up off the table, to let the clothing slide out from under him, and in no time Kirk had them down to the knees. Stepping back a bit, he then bent down, and pulled them down and over the tattered dirty runners, and then held them, sort of like a trophy.

Kirk placed them on the other side of his friend, who was now naked. His eyes moved to Brent’s groin, to stare at the soft lump of flesh that dangled between the legs. His heart was racing as he realized his friend was not circumcised. He could see the foreskin drooping over the tip, hiding the cock head. It nestled on top of two rather large testes, like it was sleeping.

Stepping in closer, between the spread apart legs, he felt the warmth of the sun on his back, and at the stare from Brent. His hand moved in a jerking motion, towards the sleeping cock, that suddenly moved a bit. He saw it sort of wiggle, as his hand reached out to touch it.

He felt a strange shock run through his whole body as the finger tips touched the side of the cock. The sensation made his whole body quiver, every nerve already on edge, become even more edgy, more tingly. The muscles in his throat were constricting, and in his stomach he felt a sort of tightening, along with a gurgling sound.

Kirk glanced up, then back down. His finger tip moved lightly over the loose skin, feeling its warmth, feeling it move slightly to his touch. In a sense, he though the could feel it growing, feel it coming to life as he let his finger moved along the top of it, to touch the bristles of Brent’s pubic hairs, then to move back down the side.

He felt the body stiffening, felt the blood starting to flow into the pole, as his fingers moved down and under the cock, to lift it up off the sac. The sac felt strangely hard, with a few hairs on it, but the underside of the cock felt silky smooth to his fingers.

The tips of the fingers moved over the drooping foreskin, feeling the hard head beneath it. His heart was racing now, as he felt the ache in his chest, in his whole body. His legs were stiff, every muscle in his body was rock hard, as he let his thumb and forefinger circle the top of the cock and wrap around it. Kirk felt the shiver running up from the tip, but he didn’t look upwards.

Instead he began to slide his two fingers down the pole, sliding the loose foreskin back, exposing the head for the first time to his eyes. Licking his lips, he watched it poke out, as his hand pushed into Brent’s soft groin. He let the rest of his hand now circle the cock shaft, and he slid it back upwards, until the foreskin covered the cock head again.

Then he pulled back, exposing it once more to his eyes. He saw how full it looked, how hot it seemed to be. The slit at the tip was sort of quivering, and there was a small little dab of liquid, as he began to stroke the pole. He heard a bit of a gurgle come from above, but he ignored it, as he let his hand move up and down, making the skin grow tighter around the pole, leaving the head more exposed.

Bending over, he leaned inwards, feeling the belly muscles tighten, as Brent sucked in his breath. He could hear it, just as he could feel his eyes boring into the top of his head. His mouth was close, and he could feel his hot breath on his fingers, that held the now trembling penis in its grip. It jerked a bit, against his hand. The color of the head was becoming deeper, more purple, as blood was rushing along the whole pole, thickening it, making it come alive to his touch.

His hand moved a bit faster, then tightened around the cock base, holding the pole up and out from the legs. It had grown, no longer shrivelled, no longer soft. It was nearly fully hard, and he was surprised at how thick it looked, though not quite as long as he had thought. Still, it looked perfect to his eyes, as he felt the tremble inside, growing.

The tip of his tongue flicked out, to quickly lick at the exposed cock head. He felt the jarring shock racing suddenly through his body, as the salty sweet taste of Brent’s pre cum filled his mouth. He could also feel the same tremor rolling inside of his friend, as his tongue now licked at the whole head. He tasted it all, as he rolled the tip of his tongue around the head, tasting it all.

As his heart seemed to roar in his ears as his lungs began to struggle for air, he felt his lips touch the head, then wrap around it, tightening, as he moved his body in even closer, to where the table’s bench was digging into his lower legs.

Kirk put his free hand on his friends thigh, feeling it shudder, then he moved it over, to fondle his dangling balls, his other hand holding the cock steady, while his mouth slowly moved down the fully erect cock. He breathed in deeply, smelling his friend’s scent, until he could smell nothing else but that aroma. His body was shaking, as his nose pressed up into Brent’s thigh, just between the leg and groin.

His hair was brushing up against the belly, and his head was beginning to move back and forth over the hard pole, when he felt the hand on his head. He could feel the fingers clutching at his hair, wrapping several strands around the each finger. As he moved inwards, he heard the moan, felt the body shaking, as his lips tightened even more over the hot shaft.

He began to pull back, but the hand was urging him to go back, and suddenly he felt his own body simply give in. He let the hand clutching his head guide him, and it pushed him in hard, then pulled back, then pushed again. Each time it pushed him in, Kirk felt the hips lifting up and pushing forward, so that the whole cock was impaled into his throat quicker, and deeper. Kirk could hear the constant moans now, as he let the hand provide the motion.

His own hands were caressing the legs, and pulling the fatty thigh flesh apart, so he could get his face in closer. He felt the motion turn into a steady rhythm that made him groan. Each time he was pushed inwards, the cock would jerk against the very back of his throat, almost making him gag. His jaw was open as wide as possible, still it hurt, as if it was being pried open by something larger than it could handle. Yet in and out it went, unheeding his pain. His chest was aching, as he struggled to breath, while the hot pole was thrust in and out of his willing mouth

The motion became faster, and he found he had both of his hands clutching at Brent’s thighs. The fingers were dug deep into the soft flesh, until they were scraping the bone. His jaw ached, as the cock seemed to be flying in, like it was powered by a hydraulic piston.

He could barely make out the loud cries that were coming from Brent, as his own voice thundered in his ears. The wild beat of his hear, the rise and fall of his chest, and the muffled groans from his throat, helped to drown them out, or keep them off. Yet as he heard them, as the hand clutched at his hair tighter, he knew it was seconds away. He could feel the balls swell, then in that instant of time, as they suddenly deflated, he felt the jerk in his mouth. The hard thrust of the cock itself, as it seemed to just bounce inside his throat, then rear back.

In that instant, it was suddenly rearing forward, the head fully extended, the skin taut, and the stream was like being hit by a fire hose. The hot sticky salty liquid was filling his mouth, as the loud cries of release echoed in his ears. The sounds were a mix of his and Brent’s, as the hand rammed his head into the groin, then was suddenly released, as the hips drove inwards.

The cum filled his throat, his mouth, and even seeped out of the corners of his lips, as he struggled to not gag. Swallowing quickly, several times, he managed to take most of the first load, before the second was already streaming into his mouth. It flowed out from the corners of his mouth, down his chin as he tried to swallow faster, to not let too much escape.

He was panting, as he leaned back on his haunches. His jaw still ached, as he felt his chest heave, as his eyes finally opened up to the glare of the sun, and to his friend. Kirk saw the chest was bathed in sweat, and that he was leaning as far back as he could on his arms, his head tilted backwards, looking up at the sky. His legs gave a bit of a jerk, as he looked back down at them.

Kirk could see some of the already drying cum over the inner thigh, the pubic hairs matted from sweat and coated with some of the cum. He sighed, wishing he had taken it all, knowing there had been just too much. Still, he at least knew that Brent was uncut, as he slowly regained his energy.

Standing up, he saw Brent sit back up. There wasn’t much expression on his face, as he reached over to pick up the clothes. He leaned forward, as he slowly worked the jeans over his runners, leaving his shorts on the table. He jumped off the table, to zip up and button his pants, as if he had just taken a pee or something.

I gotta go’ was all he could say, feeling rather dejected. He wasn’t sure why, but that maybe somehow Brent would have said something, instead of just acting like it was nothing. It was odd, but it wasn’t as he had imagined, as he trudged back to his car, glancing over his shoulder now and then.

Brent was leaning on the hood of the car, watching him, but looking like nothing had just happened. It was as if those minutes when he was feeling totally connected to Brent, that it was all just a dream. In some ways he knew he was expecting too much, and yet he didn’t think Brent was unhappy at his performance. Still, not even a word, was a bit disheartening.

Opening his car door, he turned to wave, and climb in, when Brent called out to him.

Hey, I will be working on the truck in the barn this weekend, want to come by and help me get it started?

Kirk froze, half way in to the car, as he turned to stare at Brent. There was a small smile on his face, and the way he stood there, his legs slightly apart, made him look extremely sexy.

That piece of shit hasn’t run since you got it

I know, but hell, you always enjoyed a challenge.

That’s a damn site more than a challenge

I’d really appreciate the help Kirk.

The smile on his face was even larger as he said it, as if he was meaning something totally different. For a second he wanted to make some smart ass remark, about it being worth lot more than a blow job, but he thought better of it, in case he was wrong.

What time?

Come over at 9, I’ll have breakfast ready.

As he said it, Brent spread his legs further apart, and put one hand inside his pants. All Kirk could do was grin, and yell he’d be over at half past eight, to help him get breakfast ready. Brent just laughed and waved.

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