Plain Brown Wrapper

By Ian Kovnats ( Gaystoryman )

Copyright © 2008 ? All Rights Reserved

Part (2)

As Barney wheeled the mail truck around and through traffic, he couldn’t help but feel strangely aroused. It wasn’t a common feeling for him, and okay, he was getting older, but if he remembered right, he was quite the horn dog as a teenager. Problem was, here he was about to be hitting the big F age, that precipice of life, where from that point on, it was all downhill. Still, he had enjoyed his teenage & college years, and he had the money in the bank, to show how he enjoyed his work.

His problem, if he was honest with himself, was that he was lonely. Maybe that is why he was such a good mailman? Maybe it was being lonely, that made him reach out to those on his route, rather than just dump the mail in the slot of box, like the new kids did. After all, most of them had more than an empty room to go home to.

Still, he did like his solitude, so why the fuck had he agreed to have Chris come home with him? Was he being a good friend, or was that hardness in his pants the real reason? That too was peculiar for him, because he generally didn’t get that aroused, without some real stimulation, that usually meant the hands on type. Yet with Chris sitting next to him, all he could think of was what it would be like to be involved with him.

Now there was a scary thought. Him, a lonely hermit really, being involved with an eighteen year old. His co-workers would be stunned that he even would want someone to be with, let alone another male. Still, he had enjoyed his few journeys into the Gay lifestyle, though his last few forays into sex, had been with women. Maybe it was simply him playing it safe, unwilling to endanger his career, or maybe he just didn’t want to come to terms with his sexuality, specially if it might be towards other men.

As he pulled the truck into the parking lot of the diner, he realized that really was his problem. Call it cowardice, call it prudent thinking, either way he was simply afraid of finding out. Maybe if things had been different, where differences weren’t excuses for getting fired, or beaten up, he might be more open to the thoughts that were going through his mind. Maybe he’d be more accepting of them, instead of hiding from his own feelings?

He was not one to make waves, either publicly or in his own private life. He wanted more, but he was afraid. That was the honest truth, which made him shudder a bit. Nearly forty years old, and he was basically afraid of life. Didn’t make sense, because he liked people, just that he worried they wouldn’t like him, if they knew.

Looking over at Chris, he was surprised to see him looking at him, with a sort of puzzled look. In some ways it made his heart ache, because frankly Chris looked rather handsome, with his head down, his eyes looking up at him, through those long eyelashes.

‘Hey sport, hungry yet?’

‘I guess, uh Barney…’

‘yeah?’

‘I uh, I mean, I really appreciate this, but uh, I am, I am just rather…’

He had avoided the question about the magazine, but he could see it in Chris’s face, it was on his mind, or maybe it was something else? Was he going to ask if he was gay? How would he handle it, if Chris just came out and asked him? Could he hide it, should he? It was a bit nerve racking, but better get it out now, or was he just going to ruin it all? He did rather like Chris, and okay, maybe sexually too, but he liked him as a sort of friend. And friends helped friends, without strings.

‘Just spit it out sport, I don’t bite, you know that, so what’s on your mind?’

‘The magazines, how did you know?’

Looking at Chris, one foot out the door, he realized that he couldn’t hide it. It wasn’t fair to the kid, besides, right now he needed a friend, not some song & dance stories.

‘I recognized the name on the return portion.’

‘But, how, I mean…’

‘From the one’s I get, same return info.’

‘Oh…’

Barney didn’t turn away, as he saw the way Chris’ face twisted in surprise, at how his hands suddenly seemed to ball up, as his chest rose & fell a bit faster, as the reality set in. There was even a flash of anger, then of puzzlement, which made his own chest ache a bit. The anger surprised him, but he stood his ground. It was a make or break point, between them. He was banking on Chris being more level headed than most his age, and to be honest with himself, it was what he was hoping for.

‘I never would have guessed, pretty lame for a queer huh?’

‘No, not like I am any expert on it.’

‘but you are older, you uh…’

‘what get around?’

‘Doesn’t sound right, I mean getting around, but…’

‘Look let me set you straight, so to speak. I have messed around with guys, not much, not often either, and I doubt if anyone but you, knows. I am no expert Chris, if anything maybe less than you.’

‘But, I mean you are older, you knew I was…’

‘Only because the magazines you get, I get, otherwise, I’d never have known, I don’t have some sixth sense that tells me who is gay and who isn’t.’

‘Oh. I didn’t.. really? I mean you aren’t just trying to uh, you know, make me feel better?’

‘It’s the truth sport.’

Chris looked down at his feet, then finally he looked up, staring directly into Barney’s face. The eyes were wide open, peering right at Barney. In a sense, it felt a bit uncomfortable, almost like he was being probed, as if Chris could see beyond his facial expressions, to see exactly what he was thinking, feeling.

In some way, it felt rather nice though a bit scary. He wasn’t sure himself, of how he was feeling, but he knew he liked Chris, that he didn’t want to see him hurt, or upset. Maybe Chris would be able to tell that, tell that he was serious about wanting to be a friend, first.

‘Are the burgers here really that good?’

‘Absolutely.’

‘I make some really wicked ones, least that’s what my mom said.’

‘Yeah? I can boil water and open a can okay, but cook from scratch, just not in my blood.’

‘You eat out a lot?’

‘Yeah, can’t you tell?’

Barney patted his stomach as he said it, then looked up at Chris. He saw how he looked, how his eyes seemed to linger just a bit, but he could tell, they weren’t looking at his protruding belly, but a bit lower.

‘Must be expensive’

‘Can be, but it has its benefits.’

‘Yeah? Like what?’

‘Well, guess it is that you aren’t eating alone, and yet you are, if you know what I mean.’

‘Think so, uh, what they charge for these burgers?’

‘Just bit under $7 with fries, but hey told you, it’s my treat.’

He saw the shock on Chris’ face, which surprised him a bit, until he remembered the family. They weren’t what you would call upper class, or even middle class folks. He could tell, from the bills he delivered, that they just got by.

‘You can get two pounds of hamburger for that price.’

‘Yeah, well, but then I’d have to cook it, and like I said, I am not all that good at cooking.’

‘I could cook it for you.’

At first he didn’t quite catch the words, as Chris had sort of turned his head, and mumbled as he spoke. Barney felt a slight nervousness inside, as the idea of bringing someone home, filled his thoughts. He knew that he had always been thinking that, since he first heard about Chris leaving home, but now it was more real. It made him a bit frightened, wondering if perhaps Chris had been setting him up for just this.

Was it all an act? Could he have misread Chris that much, that he was about trying to trick him? Hell, he had already told him more about himself, than anyone else. The few people he had satisfied his needs with, well they didn’t know him and he never took them to his place. He always got a motel room, far enough to insure he’d not run into anyone on his routes.

Could this be a trick or was Chris really that innocent? It was almost as if he knew the answer to that, before he even asked himself. The idea of Chris in his kitchen wasn’t so unpleasant either, and the idea of having him cook him lunch, was well, exciting.

‘If you sure you want to, I mean it would be nice, to have a home cooked lunch, but we’d have to pick up some stuff first.’

‘Really? That would be super, I really do cook a great burger’

‘Settled then, you can cook us some burgers.’

He leaned back into his seat, and closed the door. As he did he saw how Chris leaned back, re buckling his seatbelt. It was like he was a bit more relaxed, less tense than before. Barney didn’t know why, but somehow Chris had seemed reluctant to go into the Diner, almost as if he was afraid to be seen with another man.

Barney never really bothered too much about what people thought of him, in the sense of whether he was overweight, or had a bit of grey showing. It just never seemed important, yet when he thought Chris cared about being seen with him, it did give him a bit of a twinge. He couldn’t explain why it bothered him, if that was true.

As he drove to his home the silence seemed normal, almost as if no one was sitting next to him. It was routine, just like all those other times he made this journey, but as he approached the grocery store, he felt Chris pick up. He suddenly seemed awake, as he parked the truck and turned to smile at Chris.

There were tears in Chris’ eyes, and he didn’t understand why? They hadn’t spoken much on the way here, which really was just a few blocks from his house. Yet the silence of their journey didn’t seem out of place, but here was Chris, his face a bit pallid, his eyes teared up.

‘Hey sport, what’s wrong?’

‘Nothing, I just, nothing, I am okay.’

‘Then why the waterworks? Come on, it’s me, okay?’

‘Nothing, honest, I just…’

Chris wouldn’t look at him, but he couldn’t let him just sit there, in tears. Something had spooked him & Barney had no clue as to what.

‘Just what? Spill it sport.’

‘I really didn’t think you wanted me to cook for you, least not, not hamburger.’

‘Huh? I don’t, I mean you wanted to do this, if you don’t, hey not a problem.’

‘I do, I really do, it is just, well I thought you were just being nice, that you were just, humouring me.’

Barney felt frustrated. Maybe he shouldn’t have gotten involved, but damn it, Chris had looked so sad, so alone, and well, he was a friend. He couldn’t just say goodbye and walk away, but now he wasn’t so sure. Maybe he had been imagining things, or maybe he just had a case of wishful thinking.

‘Why? I don’t get it, come on Chris, speak English, it was your idea to cook burgers.’

‘I just thought, oh hell, I thought it was just your way of wanting to take me home, to you know, to uh, fool around.’

‘Fool around? I don’t under… oh shit, you thought I was hitting on you?’

‘Yeah.’

‘Damn, I am sorry Chris, I didn’t mean to make you cry.’

‘You didn’t, it is just me being stupid, I thought that you, that actually maybe…’

At first it wasn’t registering, and Barney felt rather confused. Was Chris in tears feeling he had just escaped something worse than death, or was there another reason behind the waterworks? Looking at Chris all he could see, was how miserable he looked, how uncomfortable.

‘Maybe? I think I am missing something here, are you crying because you thought I wanted to have sex with you, or are, I mean, are you crying because now you think I don’t?’

‘Am I that undesirable? I thought you liked how I looked, I mean the way you looked at me, I kind of, well..’

He thought he knew what a fish out of water must be feeling like, as he couldn’t quite get his head to accept what Chris was saying. It was like a dream coming true, and at the same time, a nightmare happening.

‘Jesus, have we got our signals crossed. You mean, you want to?’

‘Yeah, kind of, I mean if you do? Do you?’

‘Oh God yes, but I didn’t, I thought you were, well not into guys like me.’

‘Guys like you?’

‘Old and fat.’

‘You aren’t old, and okay you got a belly, but so? It isn’t like I am exactly some sexy stud, and besides, that isn’t why.’

Barney felt rather pleased, the way Chris had spoken so forcefully, almost like he meant it. Maybe he did, as he saw how his eyes sparkled as he spoke, how firm his jaw was set, as he almost shouted at Barney.

‘Then why?’

‘It’s you, all of you. I know it sounds corny, but you have always been nice to me, and well, it just always seemed real, not like you were pretending.’

‘Thanks Chris, it is real, it is also, well, truth is, it is also why I like you, because you never seemed to be full of it, like others your age. I just, well, you may not think you are a sexy stud, but to me, well you are very attractive, very desirable too.’

‘You mean that?’

‘I wouldn’t say it otherwise.’

Chris looked up at Barney, the tears replaced by a sort of half smile, but the flush in his face, was sort of like pride, like the words really meant something to him.

‘Can we have the burgers after? I mean, if you uh…’

‘I think we can have whatever you want after, I don’t care. If you are sure, I mean, maybe you might want to think it over, I am not exactly, how would say it, accomplished performer?’

‘Neither am I.’

He couldn’t help but laugh at that, and he didn’t know why, but he reached out and gave Chris’ hair a quick tussle, sort of like what a father would do with a son. Funny too, how he felt a strange flow of electricity inside, as his hand ruffled the curly blond hair. He also noticed how Chris seemed to puff his chest out a bit, and actually smile, with that sort of lazy type grin, that seemed to just brighten up the inside of the truck.

It wasn’t that he was a careless shopper, but he pretty well bought what appealed to him, yet as they pushed the shopping cart down and up all the aisles, he was impressed by how Chris seemed to know what to select, and how what not to.

Barney couldn’t help but notice how he paid careful attention to the price, and the quantity. The way he would back a larger tin and take two smaller one’s because it worked out cheaper. How he seemed so serious when he read the labels on the food, before making any selection.

What had begun as a foray to get some fixings for just burgers, had now turned into ingredients for dinner as well, thanks to his big mouth. But then again, he rather liked the idea of Chris spending time with him, at his place. It was also becoming sort of a fantasy in reality. Maybe that was why he also got cereal and a jug of milk, knowing it was also Chris’ brand of breakfast food.

Hell, if he played it right, maybe Chris wouldn’t leave after dinner, but then too the idea of him staying beyond morning was also creeping into his thinking. He knew he was setting himself up for a huge letdown, but screw it. It was fun to suddenly think of that kind of stuff, to think that he could come home to someone there, instead of silence, of plain emptiness.

Maybe he was rushing it, as they went through the checkout, the cashier looking surprised at Barney’s purchases. It was a rarity for him to even be in the main checkout, usually his purchases fell way below the 10 items maximum at the Express checkout.

He almost burst out laughing when he saw the box of Condoms go down towards the bag boy. The way the guy had picked it up, then looked up at Barney then over to Chris, was priceless. It was almost as if he knew the Condoms were for them, and almost seemed like he resented it, which rather surprised Barney.

More than that, was how Chris had looked as he had turned to him. At first he looked skittish, then he had seen the bagboy looking, and it was like seeing a total transformation before his eyes. How Chris’ eyes grew narrow, how is whole body seemed to tense up, his shoulders square off, and his hands ball up into a fist.

If he didn’t know any better, he was sure he could smell the testosterone of the two younger men, and what was more intoxicating, was they were strutting their stuff, over him. He had to be imagining it, but damn, for those brief few seconds, it felt damn good.

Even the way Chris had curtly told the box boy that they didn’t need any help taking the groceries out, was making Barney feel rather special. There was no mistaking the tone of warning in Chris’ voice, nor in his body language either. God, it felt rather exciting, which his body appropriately responded.

Walking to the truck with two bags of groceries in his hands, and a hard on was a new experience for him. Course he couldn’t be blamed for the stiffy, as Chris was leading the way, with the majority of the groceries, and well, he did have a nice shape to his butt.

Barney wouldn’t call it a bubble butt, but he sure as hell would call it desirable. How he had enjoyed watching Chris all those other times, yet never to the extend he was enjoying it now. Maybe he had been too cautious, or too much of a coward to let himself fully appreciate what he had been seeing? It was like he was making up for it now and Chris was a lot more observant than Barney realized.

As he had handed Chris his two bags of groceries, to put into the back of the truck, he couldn’t help but see how his eyes moved down towards Barney’s crotch. How those eyes widened, then how he looked up at Barney, flashing him one of those golden smiles of his. At that instant, Barney felt like he was riding on top of the world, that nothing could top this feeling. He was wrong as Chris slammed the back hatch down, and as he moved to walk around to climb in, he casually turned his head back, and with a beaming wicked grin, he wondered aloud if one box would be enough.

Barney had almost choked, as it dawned on him that Chris was staring right at his hard basket, and that he wasn’t talking about the box of cookies they had argued over. He just managed to smile, as Chris turned and made his way to the passenger side.

Shaking his head, he wondered what he had gotten himself into, but whatever it was, he rather thought it was going to be something he’d never forget, as he climbed in, and started up the truck. Somehow, he felt like he had been waiting for a day like this, for an awfully long time.

He gunned the engine a bit, something he never did, as he wheeled the truck out and made a straight aim for the exit and for home. He began to whistle too, and was surprised when he heard an answering whistle coming from next to him.

Looking over, he couldn’t help but see Chris tapping his foot, his hand beating on his thigh, in tune with the tune that they both were whistling. It felt good, so good that he felt his body stiffen even more, wondering just how hard could his dick get? This wasn’t how he normally felt, when thinking about sex, but damn it, he couldn’t help himself. For a time, he was feeling better than even when he had been a teenager himself.

Barney took the corner a bit too sharply, and rode the truck up over the sidewalk as it drove it up into his driveway. Chris was chuckling as he undid the seatbelt, and flashing another of those killer smiles at Barney. It was like they were both being silly, but he couldn’t help himself. It just felt that good, and he felt a bit resentful of having to get out and carry in groceries. All he really wanted was to get inside, and take Chris into his arms.

Still, they had bought a lot, some that need refrigeration. As they made their way up the sidewalk, he couldn’t help but notice Chris sort of settle behind him, acting a bit hesitant. For a flashing moment, he felt like things had gone too good, that maybe Chris would back out.

He opened the front door and pushed it open, standing aside, to let Chris go in first. Barney waited as Chris slowly walked inside, and as he put the grocery bags down, to close the front door, he felt a lump in his throat. It was like, he was waiting for a shoe to drop or something. The silence was deafening, as he locked the door and turned back around.

Chris hadn’t moved but Barney could see how he kept his head swivelling around, checking it all out. He felt uneasy, as he waited, sort of caught halfway up and halfway down, in an effort to pick back up the bags. It was like everything had suddenly stood still, like being in a state of suspended animation. He could hear himself swallow, as Chris leaned down, his rear pushed back towards Barney.

He placed the bags down, and stood back up quickly. His head moved from side to side, and he took a step forward, to look into the living room. Then he turned around to look at Barney. His eyes seemed to bore down on him, and he felt tiny beads of sweat forming, as he stared back, like some deer caught in headlights. He didn’t know what to say, or to do. He couldn’t move, and his fingers began to ache, as did his back.

Chris just smiled then turned back around, picking up the bags and made his way down the hallway, towards the kitchen. It was as if he knew where it was, without having to be told, and all Barney could do was follow behind, like a puppy dog.

As they put the food away, Barney couldn’t help but notice how Chris kept always stealing glances at him. How his eyes would turn away when he would look back, yet not quite fast enough. How they shined, and how he seemed to always find a way to brush up past him. Either an arm or a shoulder. It was all rather playful, and rather erotic too. How he would move his body past, just lightly touching, then look at him. It was almost like a game, but Barney couldn’t care less. Each brush past only made his heart beat faster.

As the last of the groceries were put away, Barney leaned back against the counter, staring at Chris who stood in front of him. His eyes moved over his face, seeing the eyes shimmering, reminding of sun glinting off calm surface of the blue Ocean. He sighed as he saw how Chris’ nostrils flared as he stared back at Barney. The way his cheeks were a bit sunken, but his lips were so full of color, giving him a bit of a pouting look. Yet that grin was there, and his chin glimmered a bit, almost as if it was trembling a little. He knew his was, as he let his eyes wander downwards, to see Chris’ Adam’s apple moving up and down in a quick succession.

Barney let his eyes moved down even more, to see how Chris’ chest was rising and falling with each breath. The way the tight shirt moved in time, how his breasts seemed to create a small little bulge, with the firm nipples clearly poking outwards. How flat his stomach was too, yet as his eyes moved down, he was certain he could see the muscles rippling, as if they were able to notice his gaze.

He felt the ache in his groin, and the dryness of his mouth, as he let his eyes travel even further down. Barney felt himself licking his lips, but before he could properly stare at the young man’s basket he saw the figure take a step closer. His head snapped back up, to look once more at Chris, who had a strange look to his face.

There was a sense of hunger in his eyes, a sort of wild look that he had never seen before. Before he could assimilate it, he could smell Chris, smell his freshness, his aroma, and he realized just how close Chris had gotten to him. Licking his lip, he felt a sudden jolt, as Chris reached out to touch him. He put both hands on Barney’s shoulder, then one on the side of his face. He looked hard into Barney’s eyes, then both hands reached up, to hold Barney’s face between them.

Barney felt suddenly very hot, as he saw the eyes flutter, then the head tilt to one side. His own eyes suddenly were also fluttering, closing as he felt the wet brush of lips against his own. His whole body shook, as the lips pressed against his, as he felt his mouth part, then feel the sudden darting warmth of something hard come inside his mouth.

He felt himself moan, heard an answering whimper, as he let his own arms reach out, to wrap around Chris’ body. The touch only added to the shaking inside, and his left leg began to twitch and tremble, as he gathered the young man into his big arms, pulling him into his own body. His tongue licked out, duelling with Chris’ own tongue, and he tasted him, tasted the inside of his mouth.

He could smell him too, the growing scent of a man aroused, as he pressed his lips hard against Chris’. The room seemed to be spinning, as they kissed, until he felt like there was no air in his entire body left. Even the small air pockets in his blood seemed to have been sucked out of him, as finally they broke apart. He had felt the hands on his back, how they had rubbed him, how they had ran down to his buttocks, to clench at his cheeks. Just as his own had done.

They looked at each other, and Barney saw the flicker of fire in Chris’ eyes. It only made him hungrier for the young man, wondering if he too had that fire in his eyes, knowing he did, from the way Chris stood staring back. He took the hand, and began to lead Chris out of the kitchen, towards his bedroom, when Chris stopped.

It was like being hit by a brick wall, as the hand pulled free of his, and as he turned to ask him what was wrong, he saw how quickly Chris moved back into the kitchen, towards the counter where the box of Condoms rested. He began to laugh as Chris scooped the box up in one motion and turned around, almost falling over his feet, and was already nearly half way back to where Barney waited for him.

‘I hope there is enough’

Barney just laughed out loud, as he took Chris’ hand once more, and led him to the bedroom. He couldn’t help but feel that not only were the burgers going to be awhile in being served, that dinner promised to be much later than planned.

Single Picture courtesy of the folks at Hunk Exclusives.

A new site for us here, but looking at David Antonio, that look, such innocense, just had to be the choice for the end of this part of the Story. I mean come on, tell me you don’t think he has that look that Barney saw in Chris’ face?

SEE MORE OF DAVID ANTONIO HERE

Uncle Dan

By Ian Kovnats ( Gaystoryman )

Copyright © 2008 ? All Rights Reserved

Part (1)

Dan stared at the old Grumman truck in the drive way. The white painted sides were a bit dull, and he could see the patches where he had touched up the paint, that were now weathered and old, just as he was. Sipping his coffee he felt his age, or more aptly he felt like a hundred, not a mere sixty. His legs trembled a little, as he stood there staring at 40 years of his life.

At twenty he and his father had bought the old truck, fresh from the factory. It had taken his Dad nearly a lifetime to save up enough to buy the truck, to put his son firmly in the driver’s seat of their shared enterprise. It had been his Father’s father that had started the little business, passed it on, and at 20 years of age, his own father was readying to pass it on to him.

Looking out at the ancient truck, he still marvelled at how it had survived, and how it had done him and his father proud. They had spent an entire winter getting their brand new truck ready for the summer season, customizing the interior, working out the generators to keep the coolers at the right temperature.

It had been good times, and when they had rolled out the completed truck, that spring day, well you could see the pride in their eyes, the twinkle of success. His mother had stood at the side, her hands to her face, tears in her eyes as she watched her husband and son back the transformed truck into the drive.

1968 and both John and Robert Kennedy were dead, Richard Nixon was heading for the White House, but to them, it was a perfect year. They had their new truck, double the size of the old battered Ford that had served the family business for decades. Now, his Father had said, they could really make something of the old business.

He had transformed their back yard into a small factory. Every morning at 6am the milk truck would arrive from the nearby farms, delivering fresh milk for their needs. Along with his best friend, he and his father poured the milk from the larger containers into several specially made metal vats, where they made their own home made ice cream.

It was a recipe from his Great Grandmother, and it had been popular among the family, and then the neighbourhood. Now it was still a popular choice among all the kids along their route, kids that were kids of customers of his grandfather, then his father.

A small tear rolled down his face as he stared at the battered old truck, that once held such promise. It was supposed to be his older brother’s business, when his father retired, but like so many, the Viet Nam War had ended that dream for his family. His brother Jason had died in some rice paddy, thousands of miles from home.

His picture, dressed in khaki was still on his mantle, a stark reminder of the price his family had paid. He was one of the lucky one’s, though at the time he didn’t think so. Still, he had avoided the draft, due to a medical condition, a heart problem, that back then, the Doctor’s said would kill him by the age of 50, at best, if not a lot sooner than that. Well, he proved them wrong, as he was 60 now, and according to his Doctor today, he could live to be a hundred.

Dan wished his brother could be here now, his father as well, but life wasn’t always accommodating. His brother was gone, lost in a war he still wasn’t sure about. For his parents, the loss of Jason was like someone had driven a stake through their hearts, but they never let it show in front of him. When his father began to slow down, when getting up at the crack of dawn to get the vats ready for the fresh milk, he turned to Dan more and more, never once letting on how he wished it would be Jason.

His mother never got over the loss either. They turned their grief into pushing him, in looking to make him take the family business to new levels, to new heights. It was their drive that kept him going, long after they had passed away. Least until now, when he simply couldn’t do it all anymore.

Dan, named after his grand father, thought he had done a good job in keeping the old traditions alive. The ice cream was still made by hand, faithful to the old recipe, even though it was far more costly. The bottom line had constantly gotten smaller, but he never once skimped on the ingredients, keeping his prices to their minimum. It was how his family would have wanted it, and he wasn’t about to disappoint them.

Just like his father, his grandfather, he watched the kids on his route grow up, become adults, and have families of their own. He had watched them go off to war too, many to not come back. He had watched entire neighbourhoods that held families for generations change over night. He had seen the effects of the Oil Embargo in the 70’s and the way things changed in the 80’s under the Reagan years.

He had lived through the AIDS epidemic, fearful of seeing many of his friends pass away from the strange affliction that many called the Gay Disease. He had lived through it, survived by the skin of his teeth as he had seen the First Gulf War, and the way his country was changing.

Politics rarely made sense to him, even as a kid. He never understood the Viet Nam era, that took his older brother, the whole Iran crisis or the Afghanistan invasion. Nothing made sense to him, as he went about his business, keeping himself out of it. Oh sure his parents would nag a bit, wondering when he would get out and find a nice girl to marry, to bring children into the world, and pass on the family business.

His father was one who kept at it, until finally his mother told him to stop, to leave the boy alone, though at that time he was already 30. She knew, never said a word, but she knew he would never marry a girl, that for him, his life wasn’t about kids, about girls. Yet not once did she say a word to him, and she kept his father from nagging, without telling him.

The whole AIDS thing, had worried her, specially that summer when he had lost some weight. He had spent a lot of time assuring her he was fine, that he was simply wanting to keep fit, to not let all the ice cream sampling turn him into a rolly polly old man. She had smiled, but he had seen the worry in her eyes, the way she looked. It tore his heart and for that whole time, he kept his sexual dalliances to a minimum.

There had been lots of opportunities too, that maybe he should have pursued, but he never could, least not then. Times were different then, and as he sipped the hot coffee, he realized it really hadn’t changed all that much, even with all the Gay Rights crap out there. You still didn’t go around advertising being queer, and certainly not if you were in his line of work.

Looking up at the sky, he could see the clear blue skies. Another fine autumn day, and he realized, he wouldn’t be heading out for another run. Yesterday, Labor Day Monday, had been his last run, and he had been given a royal send off into retirement. He smiled at that memory, then frowned, as he wondered just how warm would it have been, if they had known he was a 60 year old fag?

Would they have still turned out? Would they maybe hold the hands of their children tighter, and not let them get too close to the old queer? It wasn’t anger he was feeling, but disappointment, because it was the one regret of his entire life, so far. He hadn’t been able to be who he was, he had to keep it secret, and it had cost him dearly.

Bobby was one of those that he wished he could go back into time and alter. He had been a typical teenager, full of life, full of passion too. He had moved into the neighbourhood with his family just recently, and was like a young kid all summer long, always at the curb at 11am, waiting for Dan and his truck.

He was 18 when they had first met, and he had all the looks of a young man who liked to play, who enjoyed life. From his curly blond hair, to the lively looking powder blue eyes, when you looked at Bobby, you felt giddy, felt like laughing at the world. He was that type of guy once you got to know him, as well.

Dan had been 22 at the time, and it had taken him nearly the entire summer before he relented, and agreed to meet Bobby after work, to have a coke and burger. Back then, it was what they did, not hit the bars, not go share a joint, or a line, though maybe they did, just not in his circle. Still he had been petrified, not sure if Bobby was or wasn’t. Not like you could ask, without risking being beaten to a pulp.

Still he could remember that first night, when they had met and gone to the local burger place, to sip at ice cold Coca Cola in a big tall glass, ice cubes, and a burger that oozed grease. None of that healthy crap back then, just real meat, real bacon, and tons of grease. It was messy, but damn he could almost taste that burger now. Then, he was too scared to enjoy it, until the banana splits had arrived. He had almost choked on ice cream, when Bobby had looked at the sliced long banana, fluttered his eye lashes at Dan, then asked if his dick was as long.

It must have taken him five minutes to stop sputtering, to stop gagging on the ice cream in his mouth. And that wicked little grin across Bobby’s face didn’t help either. The way he looked so innocent, and wicked, all at the same time, was unnerving. The eyes, that were so full of life, seemed to be laughing at his discomfort, as his foot had suddenly stretched out under the table, and was brushing his foot.

Smiling, he remembered that his only words had been ‘are you’ and Bobby had simply laughed out loud. First his choking, now the laughter, had gotten many heads turning to see what was going on. No one seemed to notice the intense stare he had, the bright red flush to his cheeks, or how Bobby seemed a bit slouched on the booth seat. His foot had been gently caressing Dan’s, had even managed to move up a bit from the ankle, pushing the pant leg up.

God, it had been exciting, and while he hadn’t been a virgin, he sure as hell wasn’t the type to have had a whole lot of experience. Hell, if he was honest with himself now, he still wouldn’t call himself experienced. Not like many of the younger kids these days, or at least if you were to believe their claims. Still, back then it wasn’t easy to find partners, to meet and just, well, be who you were.

They had left the burger place, and walked down the street. It had been a perfect autumn night, just as today was shaping up to be. Maybe if it was today, they might have held hands, but not back then. That would be asking for trouble, yet he remembered that walk as if it was just yesterday. How they talked, how Bobby was hoping his number wouldn’t come up in the draft, how if it did he might just head up North to Canada. It was all so strange, to share the dreams of another, to share their fears, their hopes. He had missed that, ever since his brother had gone off, never to return.

Bobby was like Jason, full of life, yet serious when he wanted to be. Nothing seemed to be off limits either, as they talked, as he kept glancing at Dan, with that downward glance, that seemed so hot, so sexy. It was as if he was trying to just turn him on with his eyes, and come to think of it, he had. Just being with another guy, in such a setting, had given him a hard on. For the life of him, he wanted to see if Bobby was also aroused, but he couldn’t, afraid of being too eager.

It was Bobby who finally brought it up, as they were by one of the many parks around town. It was quiet out, the wind was blowing a little, but it wasn’t cold. Rather warm considering it was mid September, and as they stood by a small grove of trees, Bobby said what he had been thinking.

How nervous he had been, when Bobby asked him straight out, if he’d like a blow job. The little giggle had been unintentional, but it had also broken the ice more. Dan had made some smart ass comment, but he managed to glance down at Bobby’s crotch, to see a very large bulge in the pants. There was no doubt, Bobby was as excited by him, as he was with Bobby.

Thinking about it now, he felt a bit sad. How he had seen the gleam in Bobby’s eyes when he had agreed, how suddenly he had stiffened, and looked around, checking to see if anyone was coming along the street. His eyes were so bright, and yet he had seen the fear too, a fear he knew well.

It took them several minutes, to be satisfied, then to quietly slip into the park, to make their way deep into the grove of large trees. Branches pushed past their faces, as they walked through the underbrush, stopping every few feet, to make sure no one was inside, or following. It all had an air of being naughty, of doing something dangerous, forbidden. Course, maybe perhaps because it was illegal, it did sort of make things a bit more thrilling.

How they had stopped, listened, then moved further into the thickets, to avoid any possibility of being discovered, least without them being warned in advance. Each crack of a branch, each rustle of branches made them stop, listen, then move in more.

Finally they had found a spot, where both felt safe enough to take a deep breathe, and relax. Bobby leaned up against the trunk of an old weathered tree, and looked at Dan. He had his thumb hooked into the waist of his pants, and Dan couldn’t help but notice how sexy he looked. The way his chest was still heaving a bit from their excursion to this point, how full his basket looked. It all made him feel even more excited, as he stood there, not sure what to do next.

Did Bobby want him to do him first, or should he just drop to his knees? Maybe Bobby wanted to do him first? He didn’t want to ruin the moment, but it was typical of Bobby, to recognize his indecision, and to take charge. Course, that also led to some problems later on, but that night, well it was just what he needed.

‘You wanna do me first? I am so damn hard, it’s really hurting’

He had smiled and just nodded, as he moved forward, to get up close to Bobby. Dan remembered how he could smell the burger still on Bobby’s breath. The relish, the pickles, and even the onions as he stood directly in front of Bobby, staring down at his basket. How big it had looked in the gloom of the night, how inviting too as he felt Bobby reach up and under his chin, to lift his face up to his.

They had kissed briefly, just a brush of their lips against each other’s, but damn he could still feel how it had made him tremble. The press of those thin lips on his, the touch of his fingers under his chin, had nearly made him collapse. His legs had twitched and his knees felt like they would buckle. As they had pulled away, Bobby had told him how he liked that, how it was nice.

Funny, but while he had since kissed many other guys, none had ever said a word to him. Kissing wasn’t what it was back then, and who knew. Sure, you saw it in the movies, and if you listened hard enough, you could get an idea of just what kissing was, but that was from the straight crowd. For him, it was a rather new experience, that never seemed to go quite the way all the kids in the locker room had made it seem.

Yet with Bobby, it didn’t seem necessary. The brief little touch had made his own cock jerk in the pants, had made him tremble, and he rather enjoyed it. He let his hand move away from his own nervous body, to touch Bobby’s side. He felt the warmth of his body, and felt it shudder a bit to his touch. How strange it felt, how good it felt too.

His hand moved across the stomach, realizing how soft it was, how much he could feel the muscles underneath trembling as his hand moved towards the button on the top of the pants. Dan also realized at how Bobby was holding his breath, and how his eyes were staring down at his hand, watching every movement they made. It was sort of like being on display, as he fumbled with the button, needing both hands to pull the pants away from Bobby’s body, to finally undo it.

Bobby managed to exhale at that point, and Dan felt his belly push up against his fingers, that were inside the waist of the pants. He felt his whole body shake, his knees wobble, as he looked up into Bobby’s face.

The moon was out, but the thick covering of autumn leaves still were enough to block most of it out, but the glow was unmistakable. His eyes were so bright, so shiny, that it made him want to lean forward, to kiss him once more. For a second he hesitated, then felt his head tilt to one side, his eyes flutter then close as he moved in closer.

This time the kiss lasted longer, and he could feel Bobby’s tongue against his own, taste him a bit too, as his own tongue pushed inside, just a bit. His whole body was suddenly charged, he could feel his heart racing, as his hands moved up to hold Bobby’s upper arms, to press his fingers into the flesh, and press his mouth harder against Bobby’s.

It was his real first kiss with another guy. One that was just like how he had imagined it would be, and as their breath mingled together, he felt his whole body shaking, felt Bobby’s hands at his waist, holding him close. Even now, decades later, he could feel the press of those long fingers against his hip bone. How good it felt, how strong Bobby felt, how much he wanted him.

Somehow he found himself on his knees, their mouths apart. He could hear the panting breath from above him, as his hands fumbled with the pants, pulling at them, until they were down below Bobby’s knees. The white of his jockey shorts was brilliant in the darkness, as was the tented shape of the pole that stuck out from them. He remembered licking his lips as he tugged at the shorts, until he had freed Bobby’s dick.

It looked so huge then, as it wavered a bit in the night air, as it stuck straight out from his body. The dark patch of pubic hair looked black in the night, but he saw the two round balls underneath, close up to the shaft. His eyes couldn’t move away from the beautiful sight, as he leaned back on his heels a bit, to take it all in.

Bobby had his hand on his shoulders, as he stared at the cock, at the dangling balls. He felt in awe at it, though later he realized it wasn’t some giant monster, or some freak of nature. Bobby’s penis really wasn’t above average, but for someone who had little to compare it to, it looked huge.

How it stood there, sticking out, and moving ever so slightly, made it seem so alive, so special. He remembered too, how Bobby asked him if it was okay, as if he too wasn’t sure if it was normal. Even now, he could remember how he had said it was perfect, how it was something from heaven, which had seemed to make Bobby happy, as his one hand moved off of Dan’s shoulder, to grab hold of the stiff cock, at the base, and shake it a bit.

Looking at that pole, at how it moved in front of his eyes was making him drool. He forgot about being nervous, as he let one hand move up Bobby’s thigh, to touch his warm body, to then let it move across Bobby’s crotch. How Bobby had dropped his hold of his own cock, as Dan took hold of it, wrapping his fingers around the base of it.

He could still remember how thrilled he was, at the touch of his hand on that throbbing pole. He still believed he could feel Bobby’s blood rushing in and out, as he held the cock steady, letting his head move forward.

The instant his lips touched it, he felt Bobby stiffen, felt his body tense up, as Dan felt his own body shake. His lips opened, as the hot head pushed past the lips, his teeth grating the hot stretched flesh of the head. Bobby suddenly groaned, and Dan opened his eyes, to see one of Bobby’s hand moving up and down under his shirt. He closed the eyes, as he let his mouth move further along the shaft, pulling the whole pole into his mouth.

His jaw started to ache a bit, and his throat was having troubles letting the cock enter, but despite a few gags, he managed to have it all inside his mouth. Dan felt his nose pressing up against Bobby’s crotch, drinking in his aroma, his man scent. It made his whole body quiver, made his hand tighten around the base, as he began to pull his head back, feeling the throbbing pole tremble as it past his lips.

Bobby was moaning softly, and one hand now rested on Dan’s head, the fingers pulling and tugging at Dan’s auburn hair, wrapping strands around the fingers, while he moved his face in and out. His hand held the cock straight, but he could feel the muscles inside trembling, feel them shake as his mouth moved back and forth over Bobby’s cock.

The heavy breathing grew more rapid. Bobby was shaking too, and he felt the thighs tighten, felt the muscles inside become like thick bands of steel, as his head moved faster and faster along the throbbing cock. He could still feel its warmth, feel it strike the back of his throat, as it buried itself into Dan’s mouth. His tongue was flattened inside his mouth, occasionally licking upwards, as the hot pole slid past, then he felt the two hands on his shoulders.

Bobby’s fingers were digging deep into his flesh, digging at his bone even, and he could feel the hips moving in time with his face, and then the shallow panting grew quicker, as Bobby suddenly reached behind, and took hold of Dan’s head, shoving it hard into his body. At the same time his hips shot forward, and he heard him cry out, as the body bucked in Dan’s grasp.

The hot cream choked him, as he struggled, pulling back against Bobby’s hands. His mouth was suddenly flooded with a sweet salty liquid, that was gagging him. It slid down his throat, dripped out from his mouth and ran down his chin, as it just seemed to keep on coming. He struggled to pull back, forcing himself to swallow as much as he could, to avoid throwing up. His body shook, as the thick cream just seemed to be endless.

Then suddenly, his head was able to pull away, and he fell back onto his hands, his legs pushed out on either side of Bobby’s still prone body. Looking up, he saw how his eyes were shut tight, how his whole body was shaking, as he slowly let himself slide down the trunk of the tree. His legs weren’t as far apart as Dan’s, the pants and underwear holding them closer.

Yet as he slid down, his feet pushed up into Dan’s groin, making his own cock jerk, making it suddenly ache in a way Dan had never felt before. His body was still trembling as Bobby finally opened his eyes, to stare at Dan. The look he gave him, was something Dan knew he’d never forget. He was right too, because right now, he could still see it before him.

The coffee in his cup was cold, and as he remembered that look, his body gave a small little shake. He couldn’t help but feel the stirring in his groin, as he thought about Bobby, about that moment in the park, when he sucked him off.

As he told Bobby later, it was only his third, and he still felt rather pleased with himself, as Bobby refused to believe he had only sucked cock twice before, given how good he was at it. Maybe that was why he remembered him so vividly, the way he could compliment you, and make you believe it.

Mind you, it was much more than that. It was his first real crush on another guy, that was returned too. That made it special, and the times, well that just added to the thrill of his time with Bobby. To know, that if caught they could be tossed in jail, or worse, was well, intoxicating even. It never really made him angry, though it pissed Bobby off a lot. He was before his time, Dan thought, as he headed to the kitchen, to get a fresh cup of java, and to begin his first day of retirement.