By Ian Kovnats ()
Copyright © 2008 ? All Rights Reserved
Dan stared at the old Grumman truck in the drive way. The white painted sides were a bit dull, and he could see the patches where he had touched up the paint, that were now weathered and old, just as he was. Sipping his coffee he felt his age, or more aptly he felt like a hundred, not a mere sixty. His legs trembled a little, as he stood there staring at 40 years of his life.
At twenty he and his father had bought the old truck, fresh from the factory. It had taken his Dad nearly a lifetime to save up enough to buy the truck, to put his son firmly in the driver’s seat of their shared enterprise. It had been his Father’s father that had started the little business, passed it on, and at 20 years of age, his own father was readying to pass it on to him.
Looking out at the ancient truck, he still marvelled at how it had survived, and how it had done him and his father proud. They had spent an entire winter getting their brand new truck ready for the summer season, customizing the interior, working out the generators to keep the coolers at the right temperature.
It had been good times, and when they had rolled out the completed truck, that spring day, well you could see the pride in their eyes, the twinkle of success. His mother had stood at the side, her hands to her face, tears in her eyes as she watched her husband and son back the transformed truck into the drive.
1968 and both John and Robert Kennedy were dead, Richard Nixon was heading for the White House, but to them, it was a perfect year. They had their new truck, double the size of the old battered Ford that had served the family business for decades. Now, his Father had said, they could really make something of the old business.
He had transformed their back yard into a small factory. Every morning at 6am the milk truck would arrive from the nearby farms, delivering fresh milk for their needs. Along with his best friend, he and his father poured the milk from the larger containers into several specially made metal vats, where they made their own home made ice cream.
It was a recipe from his Great Grandmother, and it had been popular among the family, and then the neighbourhood. Now it was still a popular choice among all the kids along their route, kids that were kids of customers of his grandfather, then his father.
A small tear rolled down his face as he stared at the battered old truck, that once held such promise. It was supposed to be his older brother’s business, when his father retired, but like so many, the Viet Nam War had ended that dream for his family. His brother Jason had died in some rice paddy, thousands of miles from home.
His picture, dressed in khaki was still on his mantle, a stark reminder of the price his family had paid. He was one of the lucky one’s, though at the time he didn’t think so. Still, he had avoided the draft, due to a medical condition, a heart problem, that back then, the Doctor’s said would kill him by the age of 50, at best, if not a lot sooner than that. Well, he proved them wrong, as he was 60 now, and according to his Doctor today, he could live to be a hundred.
Dan wished his brother could be here now, his father as well, but life wasn’t always accommodating. His brother was gone, lost in a war he still wasn’t sure about. For his parents, the loss of Jason was like someone had driven a stake through their hearts, but they never let it show in front of him. When his father began to slow down, when getting up at the crack of dawn to get the vats ready for the fresh milk, he turned to Dan more and more, never once letting on how he wished it would be Jason.
His mother never got over the loss either. They turned their grief into pushing him, in looking to make him take the family business to new levels, to new heights. It was their drive that kept him going, long after they had passed away. Least until now, when he simply couldn’t do it all anymore.
Dan, named after his grand father, thought he had done a good job in keeping the old traditions alive. The ice cream was still made by hand, faithful to the old recipe, even though it was far more costly. The bottom line had constantly gotten smaller, but he never once skimped on the ingredients, keeping his prices to their minimum. It was how his family would have wanted it, and he wasn’t about to disappoint them.
Just like his father, his grandfather, he watched the kids on his route grow up, become adults, and have families of their own. He had watched them go off to war too, many to not come back. He had watched entire neighbourhoods that held families for generations change over night. He had seen the effects of the Oil Embargo in the 70’s and the way things changed in the 80’s under the Reagan years.
He had lived through the AIDS epidemic, fearful of seeing many of his friends pass away from the strange affliction that many called the Gay Disease. He had lived through it, survived by the skin of his teeth as he had seen the First Gulf War, and the way his country was changing.
Politics rarely made sense to him, even as a kid. He never understood the Viet Nam era, that took his older brother, the whole Iran crisis or the Afghanistan invasion. Nothing made sense to him, as he went about his business, keeping himself out of it. Oh sure his parents would nag a bit, wondering when he would get out and find a nice girl to marry, to bring children into the world, and pass on the family business.
His father was one who kept at it, until finally his mother told him to stop, to leave the boy alone, though at that time he was already 30. She knew, never said a word, but she knew he would never marry a girl, that for him, his life wasn’t about kids, about girls. Yet not once did she say a word to him, and she kept his father from nagging, without telling him.
The whole AIDS thing, had worried her, specially that summer when he had lost some weight. He had spent a lot of time assuring her he was fine, that he was simply wanting to keep fit, to not let all the ice cream sampling turn him into a rolly polly old man. She had smiled, but he had seen the worry in her eyes, the way she looked. It tore his heart and for that whole time, he kept his sexual dalliances to a minimum.
There had been lots of opportunities too, that maybe he should have pursued, but he never could, least not then. Times were different then, and as he sipped the hot coffee, he realized it really hadn’t changed all that much, even with all the Gay Rights crap out there. You still didn’t go around advertising being queer, and certainly not if you were in his line of work.
Looking up at the sky, he could see the clear blue skies. Another fine autumn day, and he realized, he wouldn’t be heading out for another run. Yesterday, Labor Day Monday, had been his last run, and he had been given a royal send off into retirement. He smiled at that memory, then frowned, as he wondered just how warm would it have been, if they had known he was a 60 year old fag?
Would they have still turned out? Would they maybe hold the hands of their children tighter, and not let them get too close to the old queer? It wasn’t anger he was feeling, but disappointment, because it was the one regret of his entire life, so far. He hadn’t been able to be who he was, he had to keep it secret, and it had cost him dearly.
Bobby was one of those that he wished he could go back into time and alter. He had been a typical teenager, full of life, full of passion too. He had moved into the neighbourhood with his family just recently, and was like a young kid all summer long, always at the curb at 11am, waiting for Dan and his truck.
He was 18 when they had first met, and he had all the looks of a young man who liked to play, who enjoyed life. From his curly blond hair, to the lively looking powder blue eyes, when you looked at Bobby, you felt giddy, felt like laughing at the world. He was that type of guy once you got to know him, as well.
Dan had been 22 at the time, and it had taken him nearly the entire summer before he relented, and agreed to meet Bobby after work, to have a coke and burger. Back then, it was what they did, not hit the bars, not go share a joint, or a line, though maybe they did, just not in his circle. Still he had been petrified, not sure if Bobby was or wasn’t. Not like you could ask, without risking being beaten to a pulp.
Still he could remember that first night, when they had met and gone to the local burger place, to sip at ice cold Coca Cola in a big tall glass, ice cubes, and a burger that oozed grease. None of that healthy crap back then, just real meat, real bacon, and tons of grease. It was messy, but damn he could almost taste that burger now. Then, he was too scared to enjoy it, until the banana splits had arrived. He had almost choked on ice cream, when Bobby had looked at the sliced long banana, fluttered his eye lashes at Dan, then asked if his dick was as long.
It must have taken him five minutes to stop sputtering, to stop gagging on the ice cream in his mouth. And that wicked little grin across Bobby’s face didn’t help either. The way he looked so innocent, and wicked, all at the same time, was unnerving. The eyes, that were so full of life, seemed to be laughing at his discomfort, as his foot had suddenly stretched out under the table, and was brushing his foot.
Smiling, he remembered that his only words had been ‘are you’ and Bobby had simply laughed out loud. First his choking, now the laughter, had gotten many heads turning to see what was going on. No one seemed to notice the intense stare he had, the bright red flush to his cheeks, or how Bobby seemed a bit slouched on the booth seat. His foot had been gently caressing Dan’s, had even managed to move up a bit from the ankle, pushing the pant leg up.
God, it had been exciting, and while he hadn’t been a virgin, he sure as hell wasn’t the type to have had a whole lot of experience. Hell, if he was honest with himself now, he still wouldn’t call himself experienced. Not like many of the younger kids these days, or at least if you were to believe their claims. Still, back then it wasn’t easy to find partners, to meet and just, well, be who you were.
They had left the burger place, and walked down the street. It had been a perfect autumn night, just as today was shaping up to be. Maybe if it was today, they might have held hands, but not back then. That would be asking for trouble, yet he remembered that walk as if it was just yesterday. How they talked, how Bobby was hoping his number wouldn’t come up in the draft, how if it did he might just head up North to Canada. It was all so strange, to share the dreams of another, to share their fears, their hopes. He had missed that, ever since his brother had gone off, never to return.
Bobby was like Jason, full of life, yet serious when he wanted to be. Nothing seemed to be off limits either, as they talked, as he kept glancing at Dan, with that downward glance, that seemed so hot, so sexy. It was as if he was trying to just turn him on with his eyes, and come to think of it, he had. Just being with another guy, in such a setting, had given him a hard on. For the life of him, he wanted to see if Bobby was also aroused, but he couldn’t, afraid of being too eager.
It was Bobby who finally brought it up, as they were by one of the many parks around town. It was quiet out, the wind was blowing a little, but it wasn’t cold. Rather warm considering it was mid September, and as they stood by a small grove of trees, Bobby said what he had been thinking.
How nervous he had been, when Bobby asked him straight out, if he’d like a blow job. The little giggle had been unintentional, but it had also broken the ice more. Dan had made some smart ass comment, but he managed to glance down at Bobby’s crotch, to see a very large bulge in the pants. There was no doubt, Bobby was as excited by him, as he was with Bobby.
Thinking about it now, he felt a bit sad. How he had seen the gleam in Bobby’s eyes when he had agreed, how suddenly he had stiffened, and looked around, checking to see if anyone was coming along the street. His eyes were so bright, and yet he had seen the fear too, a fear he knew well.
It took them several minutes, to be satisfied, then to quietly slip into the park, to make their way deep into the grove of large trees. Branches pushed past their faces, as they walked through the underbrush, stopping every few feet, to make sure no one was inside, or following. It all had an air of being naughty, of doing something dangerous, forbidden. Course, maybe perhaps because it was illegal, it did sort of make things a bit more thrilling.
How they had stopped, listened, then moved further into the thickets, to avoid any possibility of being discovered, least without them being warned in advance. Each crack of a branch, each rustle of branches made them stop, listen, then move in more.
Finally they had found a spot, where both felt safe enough to take a deep breathe, and relax. Bobby leaned up against the trunk of an old weathered tree, and looked at Dan. He had his thumb hooked into the waist of his pants, and Dan couldn’t help but notice how sexy he looked. The way his chest was still heaving a bit from their excursion to this point, how full his basket looked. It all made him feel even more excited, as he stood there, not sure what to do next.
Did Bobby want him to do him first, or should he just drop to his knees? Maybe Bobby wanted to do him first? He didn’t want to ruin the moment, but it was typical of Bobby, to recognize his indecision, and to take charge. Course, that also led to some problems later on, but that night, well it was just what he needed.
‘You wanna do me first? I am so damn hard, it’s really hurting’
He had smiled and just nodded, as he moved forward, to get up close to Bobby. Dan remembered how he could smell the burger still on Bobby’s breath. The relish, the pickles, and even the onions as he stood directly in front of Bobby, staring down at his basket. How big it had looked in the gloom of the night, how inviting too as he felt Bobby reach up and under his chin, to lift his face up to his.
They had kissed briefly, just a brush of their lips against each other’s, but damn he could still feel how it had made him tremble. The press of those thin lips on his, the touch of his fingers under his chin, had nearly made him collapse. His legs had twitched and his knees felt like they would buckle. As they had pulled away, Bobby had told him how he liked that, how it was nice.
Funny, but while he had since kissed many other guys, none had ever said a word to him. Kissing wasn’t what it was back then, and who knew. Sure, you saw it in the movies, and if you listened hard enough, you could get an idea of just what kissing was, but that was from the straight crowd. For him, it was a rather new experience, that never seemed to go quite the way all the kids in the locker room had made it seem.
Yet with Bobby, it didn’t seem necessary. The brief little touch had made his own cock jerk in the pants, had made him tremble, and he rather enjoyed it. He let his hand move away from his own nervous body, to touch Bobby’s side. He felt the warmth of his body, and felt it shudder a bit to his touch. How strange it felt, how good it felt too.
His hand moved across the stomach, realizing how soft it was, how much he could feel the muscles underneath trembling as his hand moved towards the button on the top of the pants. Dan also realized at how Bobby was holding his breath, and how his eyes were staring down at his hand, watching every movement they made. It was sort of like being on display, as he fumbled with the button, needing both hands to pull the pants away from Bobby’s body, to finally undo it.
Bobby managed to exhale at that point, and Dan felt his belly push up against his fingers, that were inside the waist of the pants. He felt his whole body shake, his knees wobble, as he looked up into Bobby’s face.
The moon was out, but the thick covering of autumn leaves still were enough to block most of it out, but the glow was unmistakable. His eyes were so bright, so shiny, that it made him want to lean forward, to kiss him once more. For a second he hesitated, then felt his head tilt to one side, his eyes flutter then close as he moved in closer.
This time the kiss lasted longer, and he could feel Bobby’s tongue against his own, taste him a bit too, as his own tongue pushed inside, just a bit. His whole body was suddenly charged, he could feel his heart racing, as his hands moved up to hold Bobby’s upper arms, to press his fingers into the flesh, and press his mouth harder against Bobby’s.
It was his real first kiss with another guy. One that was just like how he had imagined it would be, and as their breath mingled together, he felt his whole body shaking, felt Bobby’s hands at his waist, holding him close. Even now, decades later, he could feel the press of those long fingers against his hip bone. How good it felt, how strong Bobby felt, how much he wanted him.
Somehow he found himself on his knees, their mouths apart. He could hear the panting breath from above him, as his hands fumbled with the pants, pulling at them, until they were down below Bobby’s knees. The white of his jockey shorts was brilliant in the darkness, as was the tented shape of the pole that stuck out from them. He remembered licking his lips as he tugged at the shorts, until he had freed Bobby’s dick.
It looked so huge then, as it wavered a bit in the night air, as it stuck straight out from his body. The dark patch of pubic hair looked black in the night, but he saw the two round balls underneath, close up to the shaft. His eyes couldn’t move away from the beautiful sight, as he leaned back on his heels a bit, to take it all in.
Bobby had his hand on his shoulders, as he stared at the cock, at the dangling balls. He felt in awe at it, though later he realized it wasn’t some giant monster, or some freak of nature. Bobby’s penis really wasn’t above average, but for someone who had little to compare it to, it looked huge.
How it stood there, sticking out, and moving ever so slightly, made it seem so alive, so special. He remembered too, how Bobby asked him if it was okay, as if he too wasn’t sure if it was normal. Even now, he could remember how he had said it was perfect, how it was something from heaven, which had seemed to make Bobby happy, as his one hand moved off of Dan’s shoulder, to grab hold of the stiff cock, at the base, and shake it a bit.
Looking at that pole, at how it moved in front of his eyes was making him drool. He forgot about being nervous, as he let one hand move up Bobby’s thigh, to touch his warm body, to then let it move across Bobby’s crotch. How Bobby had dropped his hold of his own cock, as Dan took hold of it, wrapping his fingers around the base of it.
He could still remember how thrilled he was, at the touch of his hand on that throbbing pole. He still believed he could feel Bobby’s blood rushing in and out, as he held the cock steady, letting his head move forward.
The instant his lips touched it, he felt Bobby stiffen, felt his body tense up, as Dan felt his own body shake. His lips opened, as the hot head pushed past the lips, his teeth grating the hot stretched flesh of the head. Bobby suddenly groaned, and Dan opened his eyes, to see one of Bobby’s hand moving up and down under his shirt. He closed the eyes, as he let his mouth move further along the shaft, pulling the whole pole into his mouth.
His jaw started to ache a bit, and his throat was having troubles letting the cock enter, but despite a few gags, he managed to have it all inside his mouth. Dan felt his nose pressing up against Bobby’s crotch, drinking in his aroma, his man scent. It made his whole body quiver, made his hand tighten around the base, as he began to pull his head back, feeling the throbbing pole tremble as it past his lips.
Bobby was moaning softly, and one hand now rested on Dan’s head, the fingers pulling and tugging at Dan’s auburn hair, wrapping strands around the fingers, while he moved his face in and out. His hand held the cock straight, but he could feel the muscles inside trembling, feel them shake as his mouth moved back and forth over Bobby’s cock.
The heavy breathing grew more rapid. Bobby was shaking too, and he felt the thighs tighten, felt the muscles inside become like thick bands of steel, as his head moved faster and faster along the throbbing cock. He could still feel its warmth, feel it strike the back of his throat, as it buried itself into Dan’s mouth. His tongue was flattened inside his mouth, occasionally licking upwards, as the hot pole slid past, then he felt the two hands on his shoulders.
Bobby’s fingers were digging deep into his flesh, digging at his bone even, and he could feel the hips moving in time with his face, and then the shallow panting grew quicker, as Bobby suddenly reached behind, and took hold of Dan’s head, shoving it hard into his body. At the same time his hips shot forward, and he heard him cry out, as the body bucked in Dan’s grasp.
The hot cream choked him, as he struggled, pulling back against Bobby’s hands. His mouth was suddenly flooded with a sweet salty liquid, that was gagging him. It slid down his throat, dripped out from his mouth and ran down his chin, as it just seemed to keep on coming. He struggled to pull back, forcing himself to swallow as much as he could, to avoid throwing up. His body shook, as the thick cream just seemed to be endless.
Then suddenly, his head was able to pull away, and he fell back onto his hands, his legs pushed out on either side of Bobby’s still prone body. Looking up, he saw how his eyes were shut tight, how his whole body was shaking, as he slowly let himself slide down the trunk of the tree. His legs weren’t as far apart as Dan’s, the pants and underwear holding them closer.
Yet as he slid down, his feet pushed up into Dan’s groin, making his own cock jerk, making it suddenly ache in a way Dan had never felt before. His body was still trembling as Bobby finally opened his eyes, to stare at Dan. The look he gave him, was something Dan knew he’d never forget. He was right too, because right now, he could still see it before him.
The coffee in his cup was cold, and as he remembered that look, his body gave a small little shake. He couldn’t help but feel the stirring in his groin, as he thought about Bobby, about that moment in the park, when he sucked him off.
As he told Bobby later, it was only his third, and he still felt rather pleased with himself, as Bobby refused to believe he had only sucked cock twice before, given how good he was at it. Maybe that was why he remembered him so vividly, the way he could compliment you, and make you believe it.
Mind you, it was much more than that. It was his first real crush on another guy, that was returned too. That made it special, and the times, well that just added to the thrill of his time with Bobby. To know, that if caught they could be tossed in jail, or worse, was well, intoxicating even. It never really made him angry, though it pissed Bobby off a lot. He was before his time, Dan thought, as he headed to the kitchen, to get a fresh cup of java, and to begin his first day of retirement.