Fiction – First Time Jitters

First Time Jitters

By Ian Kovnats (Gaystoryman)

Copyright © 2007 ? All Rights Reserved

He was nervous. Jerry couldn’t help it as he looked down at the shelf, seeing all the different types of Condoms. Some were lubricated, some had something called spermacide included, others were labelled as being thin, transparent, sensual, ribbed and a host of other terms he found perplexing. He should know more, given he was 18, but he had led a sheltered life. Hell, sex had never been a topic in his house, and his parents had never sat him down and given him the ‘sex talk’ that others seemed to have found funny. Jerry wished he had gotten that talk, maybe it would be easier.

Even school had been less than honest. Okay, he had taken sex education classes, heard all about how he should not have sex until he was married, which would be rather hard. He liked guys, not girls and where he lived, no way could he get married, even if he wanted to. It was something he had wanted to ask, but then if he had, he’d have a lot of explaining to do, so he kept silent. Now he wished he had asked, though in all honesty he was glad he hadn’t.

He’d seen how the kids reacted to someone they thought was his way. The taunts, the catcalls, and worse. One of his classmates had shown up all battered and bruised. No one spoke to him, but you could see he was pretty bruised. The rumour was that his dad had found out about him, had heard the stories and had wailed on him. Most in school didn’t seem to care, and it was shortly after that Mark just stopped coming to school. No one knew what had happened, or if they did, they weren’t saying.

Jerry had kept under their radar, thankfully. Part of that was due to his father. He was after all the local Pastor, and no one suspected him of being that way. They figured he just had to be good, given who his dad was. Truth was, he was too damned scared to even think about reaching out to someone, though he wished he had.

That all was changed now. Here he was, thousands of miles away from home, living for the first time away from all he had grown up with. The language alone had taken him weeks to get used to. The way the others in his dorm spoke, made him blush at first, but he was now sort of used to it.

While the swearing had been an eye opener, the frank open talk about sex had floored him. He couldn’t believe half of what the others said, and yet they all seemed so open, so common about it, that it had to be true. If it was, then he had to be the only virgin in the entire College, and these were good Christian kids. After all, his parents wouldn’t send him to one of those so called ‘perverted places’ as they referred to the state run universities. Still, these kids were all brought up like him, in a family that supposedly didn’t go for sex before marriage, but most seemed to have been having sex for years.

It was perplexing, but he had no one to talk to, to ask questions of. He was a small fish in a huge ocean as he ate, slept, and did his studies alone. The group seemed to just swirl around him, ignoring him as if he wasn’t even there. That made it seem worse, but he tried to not let it get to him. It was scary enough just being in this place, let alone trying to fit in with the others. They were his age, yet seemed so much older as they talked about things he hadn’t a clue about.

It made his trip here all the more confusing. He still didn’t know why he was here, why he was even looking at Condoms. It wasn’t like he would be using any, least not the way he was acting. Though he had his dreams, his fantasies about some. Those had always been with him, but he had never dared act on any. He doubted he could, though he had to admit, he’d like to try. But with whom?

There had been the trips to the local swimming hole when he had been in High School. He had found himself hanging out there a lot in his Senior Year, enjoying the rough housing but more than that, enjoying the hard lumps most of his friends were sporting. He knew what those were, and it always amazed him at how so many always seemed to have them. It confused him, because there rarely were any girls at the swimming hole, yet most of his friends always seem excited. Least that was how he referred to it.

Seeing his friends in swim shorts, bare chested always made him blush, because it excited him. When it first began, he had no idea what it meant, though he guessed later on. It was wrong, or so his teachers always said, his parents too. Yet if it was so wrong, he wondered why his body did it? Surely his mind was stronger than some animal instinct, but obviously not. For a long time he felt like he was doing something wrong, but the more time he spent at the swimming hole, the more he began to understand that others were just as excited. They all couldn’t be perverts, could they?

Now he knew what it was, that it was natural. Yet for him, it wasn’t seeing the girls that made him get that way. It was staring at the others, the guys, that got him feeling that way. He knew it was nothing he could prevent, it was his own natural way, that maybe wasn’t the majority’s way, but it wasn’t wrong either. That was something College life had already taught him. He no longer felt so guilty about seeing a good looking male, and having his body react.

Still, as he fumbled around the shelf, picking up condom packages and reading the box, he didn’t quite understand why he had come here. Maybe it was simply that he had been walking down the street, following that long haired skate boarder. The way the guy would lean and twist around while pushing himself along on top of his skateboard had given him one of those feelings.

The young man seemed to not notice him, but he had noticed the guy. The way he would lean at times, his bum filling out those loose pants. Just the way they seemed to grow firm and all, had made him feel warm all over. Then the way his body would lean to one side, would make him wonder about what he looked like without the baggy clothes. Was he skinny with his ribs sticking out or was he fully developed?

He also wondered about other things, but he couldn’t see the front and the guy had stopped by the drugstore. He had kicked the board up and grabbed it, then walked inside. Jerry had followed him and watched as he had gone straight to this area, picked up something and headed to the cashier. Jerry noticed the box, and as the young man paid for it, and walked past him to exit, he saw him stare at him. The guy nodded, as if they knew each other, and even smiled. Somehow, that small smile, that little friendly gesture had made his body shake. He could feel the ache in his crotch, and while he smiled back, he wished he could just say something.

His eyes had moved from the young man’s face, and he saw the flat package. If the skate boarder was excited, he didn’t show it, least not in those pants. He felt a little disappointed but now found himself at the same part of the store, checking out the various Condoms.

Need any help?

The voice startled him as he turned around to stare into a familiar face. It was one of the guys he had seen in his dorm common room. Jerry could feel his face starting to blush, as he tried to figure out what to say. This guy was a friend of his roommate, and he didn’t need to start any gossip. Christ, what if he had seen him staring at the skateboarder? Sweat was beading up on his forehead, and his palms were sticky as he wiped one hand on his pant leg.

Uh no, no thanks, just looking.’

Got a hot date later?

Huh? Oh, no, no, just uh checking the prices out

The man smiled, which only made Jerry more nervous. It was one of those ‘knowing’ type smiles, where the other person thought they knew what was going on, but didn’t. Strange though, he found him rather attractive, the way his blonde hair hung across his forehead, the long eye lashes fluttering a bit.

Your Jerry aren’t you?


Thought I recognized you, I am Matt, I know Steve, he bunks with you, right?

Steve, yeah he does.

He was petrified at being discovered here. Yet at the same time he couldn’t help but look, it was as if his eyes had a will of their own. A quick glance down and he saw the little bulge, which got his heart pounding faster. He was already uncomfortable at being discovered, not it was compounded by what he saw. He quickly averted his gaze, not sure what to do.

‘Steve says your father is a Preacher in your town, that right?’

Panic was tearing at him. He didn’t know what to do, or what to say. It was odd that this guy even knew his name, let alone who is father was. It was even more upsetting to know that his roommate had talked about him. He thought no one noticed him, specially Steve. Though he had to admit, he rather liked having a roommate, even if he did snore.

Huh? Uh, yes, yes he is, why?

Just curious, seen you around, but you never join in the bull sessions, we too boring for you?

No, no not at all, I uh, I mean I didn’t think I should uh, I uh…

Didn’t think we’d let you in?

I guess, yeah, sort of.

It isn’t that way at all, everyone is welcome, maybe you’ll join us one of these times?

It was like a gift from heaven. Maybe he wasn’t a pariah, as he had thought. Jerry also felt relieved. Matt obviously hadn’t seen him checking his package out, and he smiled to himself. He was good at picking up the terms, he thought.

Thanks, sure I’ll do that.

Great, well I have to get back to work, sure there is nothing I can help you with?

Jerry nodded no, afraid to say what was really on his mind. He did want help, but he doubted that Matt would give it to him, though he might give him some answers to a few burning questions he had. Then again, he didn’t want to come across as a complete idiot either. So he passed on saying anything more, afraid to trust himself to not just blurt stuff out. He worried a lot about that.

As Matt just grinned, and turned to head back to the cash counter, Jerry couldn’t help but notice his firm butt. The way they filled out the jeans so perfectly made him lick his lips. The way they were shaped, the way they moved side to side as Matt walked had interested him, in the way he was sort of getting used to.

Steve, his roommate was always walking around in a state of undress. Jerry hated that, and yet loved it too. Problem was it always got him excited, because Steve also had a nice rear end. Specially when he had nothing but those tight fitting white semi boxer shorts on. He wished he could see more, but what he saw was enough to always get his own dick hard. Though in all honesty, he rather thought Matt’s butt was nicer.

Suddenly he realized he wasn’t alone anymore. He looked up and there was Matt, once more standing in front of him. Jerry couldn’t help himself, as he looked at Matt’s front, seeing the bulge was a bit more pronounced than before. His eyes moved up towards Matt’s face, and saw he had a small little grin curling across his lips. They were thin and pale, but matched the rest of Matt’s lean angular look. The hair was still hanging down, over one eye. He also realized how piercing those eyes were, as they were fixed intently on him. Jerry felt himself squirm a bit, unsure if Matt had seen him look, there.

I gotta ask you something, hope you don’t mind

Jerry felt himself breaking out in a cold sweat. What could Matt need to ask him? Had he tipped him off? Did he guess that maybe Jerry was into guys, and was about to ask? Would he answer, could he?

Sure, uh, what?

How do you put up with Steve’s snoring?

He hadn’t expected that one. Relief filled his mind, as he relaxed a little. He had dodged another awkward moment, he thought until he began to wonder. How did Matt know Steve snored?

I don’t know, I uh, I guess I just ignore it.

Lucky, I can’t. I mean you don’t get the full force I suppose, but when he’s right next to you, it sure can keep you awake.

I uh, I guess it would, I uh…

Don’t sweat it, didn’t mean to imply you were sleeping with each other, besides, I’d know if he was.

I uh, I mean, no, no we aren’t, nothing like that, I uh…

Matt stared at him, as he stuttered and he looked down. He couldn’t help himself, he was certain that Matt had figured it out, knew that he had thought about Steve, and that maybe, though no, he couldn’t know what he was thinking, could he? Jerry glanced up to see the small smile gone, instead the eyes were staring right at him, moving up and down his shaking body. Least he thought he was shaking, as he felt like a deer caught in a pair of headlights at midnight.

You don’t have a hot date, do you?


You have never used a condom, have you?


Matt just looked at him. Jerry felt like such a child, being 18 didn’t seem to matter. He was a virgin, and that part of his secret was out now. The rest in his dorm would know it soon enough, and he could only imagine the taunts, the teasing he would endure now.

Uh, you had any kind of sex? I mean, anything, groping, kissing, anything like that?


shit… sorry, uh, you jerk off even?

Jerry looked up at Matt, and saw a strange look of confusion, along with compassion. It wasn’t something he had ever seen in someone before, least not when they were talking about guys like him, virgins that is.

sort of, sometimes.

Matt stared at Jerry, his eyes boring in and then suddenly he reached out and grabbed a box of Ramses Condoms. He handed them to Jerry, looked at his watch and told him to wait. He’d be off in ten minutes, and Jerry was to wait for him outside, after he paid for the Condoms.

Jerry didn’t know what to say, but he complied, feeling totally deflated. His secret was out, and it would only be a matter of time before the rest of his secret would be making the rounds around the dorm, then the entire school until eventually he’d get that call from his father or more than likely his mother. He knew his father would never speak to him, once he found out.

Time flew as he contemplated his life, his despair. Matt was out on time and he more or less followed behind him as they headed back to the University. He felt like he was going to be paraded around the dorm, as they made their way up to his floor, then to his dorm room.

Matt walked in, and Steve was sitting at his desk. Jerry walked over and sat on his bed, afraid to look at Steve, or at Matt. He heard them talking, felt Steve looking over at him, and he knew, it was beginning. The story wouldn’t take long now, to go through the whole floor, then the building. He could hear them talking about him, the whispers, the finger pointing. Tears were welling up as Matt’s feet suddenly appeared in front of him. He looked up and Steve was standing next to Matt, his face not showing anger, not even amusement, just sort blank, sort of.

What goes on here, it stays in here, right Steve?



I don’t.. uh.. yes, yes it stays between us

okay, so you ever watched any porn? You know, sex videos?

Me? No, nothing like that, I have seen the covers in some stores, but never had the nerve to uh.. you know.


One or two, why?

Matt turned and looked at Steve. Their eyes met and Steve just nodded, taking his lead from Matt.

First time I ever saw two guys doing it was back in camp. It seemed funny at the time, but it turned me on, you know? Got me hard. You ever get that way? I mean when you see Steve walk around in his shorts, that get you uh, you know, hard down there?

His face flushed and he couldn’t bear to look at Steve. His eyes were downcast as he muttered yes, not sure where Matt was heading with his questions. It felt like being before his Father, being questioned about his love for Jesus, about his devotion, and it felt strange, the way he wanted to answer, to do whatever Matt wanted, if anything.

It’s okay dude, I checked you out a few times too, its natural, ya know?

Jerry stared up at Steve. He couldn’t believe it and as he heard the words, he felt suddenly at ease. Well not totally as he still felt like there was going to be a price to pay for this. Though he had to admit, it felt nice to know that someone else felt like him, and liked what he saw too. And Steve was right, it did feel natural.

You checked him out?

Like you haven’t?

I don’t sleep in the same room as him

So? Besides, you know I like to look


Yep, but you taught me, so what does that make you?

A teacher, you bitch, uh, sorry Jerry, he’s always this way

I uh, I don’t…

Simple, you are what some would call, a rare breed. Virgins in college aren’t that common, and well, you seem nice enough, so just like I learned by watching, maybe, you might like to have a few pointers from a couple of semi experienced guys like Steve there, and of course a more professional opinion from me? You don’t have to do anything, but, well, like Steve says, you are hot, and well… the more the merrier.

More the merrier? I don’t understand, I don’t… you think I am hot? That’s good, right?

Matt just grinned, while Steve let out a small giggle. They looked at each other, and the look that passed between them made Jerry shift himself on his bed a little. It was rather strange to watch they way they looked at each other, the way their faces would light up and how their eyes always seemed to be full of laughter, of desire even, Least it was what he thought it was, but he wasn’t certain.

Yeah it’s all good man. So, you ever even touched another guy? Felt his dick or anything?


wanted to, though, right?


As soon as he said it, he knew it was over. Matt might say it would never leave the room, but he knew differently. It would, and his father would hear, then it would be over for him. He’d be in disgrace, all because he couldn’t control his urges. Least that would be what his father would say, if he spoke to him after finding out.

He looked up and saw both of them now standing in front of him. He couldn’t help but notice that their pants bulged, at the groin. Jerry felt himself swallow hard, as he stared at what he knew as two guys with erections. His eyes were wide open as he stared, not sure what to say or even do. They at least didn’t seem to mind him looking. His pulse suddenly shot up as he noticed Matt’s hand around his waist, and he saw him undo the button. He licked his lips, afraid of what was going to happen, yet also very excited by the thought of it.

Matt kicked off his runners, and then to Jerry’s amazement, he pushed his pants down to his ankles, stepping out of the tight fitting jeans quickly. He stood up showing his bulging erection. Jerry saw the dark outline of the long pole etched across the thin fabric of the same type of boxers as Steve wore. He gulped and looked up at Matt, then over to Steve, then back again at Matt.

There was a connection and he lowered his eyes as Matt shoved his shorts down to his knees, then his ankles. He stepped out and once more stood up, directly in front of Jerry. There in front of his eyes, was a naked cock, sticking out at him. He saw the way the head of it was a deeper purple red tone than the rest of the long shaft.

Licking his lips he just stared at the cock for several minutes. Then his eyes moved towards the two hanging sacs underneath. He saw how they hung, how the skin looked darker, tiny little hairs across them and yet as he looked at them, he wondered what it would be like to touch them, to make them jiggle. Sweat was pouring off his forehead, as he sat there staring.

Suddenly he saw Steve, kneeling down next to Matt, and watched in awe as he reached over and grabbed hold of the two balls. His eyes bulged as he watched while Steve fondled them, then brought his face forward, and took both of those eggs into his mouth. He heard the slurping sound, as the hand had reached up and was holding onto Matt’s cock. The fingers were wrapped around the pole, pushing it out of the way of Steve’s mouth.

The head moved up, and he saw Steve’s tongue flicking out, licking at the base of the pole, that was being held by his fingers. Slowly he felt himself growing hot, as Steve continued to lick at Matt’s balls, then the groin area, by the base of the stiff cock. Soft whimpering sounds came to him as he looked up to see Matt leaning back a little. His eyes were closed as his Adam’s apple bopped up and down. He was rubbing his body, his hands moving across his stomach and chest.

Looking back down, he watched as Steve now began to lick at the underside of Matt’s pole. He was feeling the ache in his own groin as Steve’s tongue ran up and along the entire throbbing pole. He could see it quiver, see it shake as Steve’s mouth moved along the long pole. He watched in awe as Steve’s tongue flicked up and around the head itself. He saw it take the white gleaming drop of fluid and heard a deep moan come from Steve as he licked hard at the head. His hands were sweating as he continued to stare, watching every move of Steve’s tongue, even seeing Matt’s hand come down to grip several strands of Steve’s hair. He looked up to see Matt peering down at Steve, seeing the look in his eyes and he smiled, enjoying the sight. He wished someone would do that to him, as he turned back to watch more of the action.

Steve had shuffled in front more, blocking some of his view, but not all. Jerry felt the sweat dripping from his forehead, as he watched the lips wrap around the head. He couldn’t believe it as he saw his head being pulled in by Matt’s hands, but no resistance from Steve was evident. He heard himself moan as he saw the head moving in, the sight of Matt’s cock disappearing into Steven’s mouth. The sounds were making his whole body tingle as he stared at the two young men.

The small tremor of Matt’s thigh muscle caught his eye, then he heard the moan. His own body was aching, his legs spread apart and open as Steve’s mouth continued to move in and out. The long shaft looking harder each time, glistening from being held deep inside of Steve’s mouth. It was something to witness, and he looked up to see Matt staring at him. There was a huge grin on his face, and his eyes were sparkling as he looked down at Jerry.

Jerry smiled back, and then lowered his eyes as he watched Steve continue to suck on Matt’s cock. He was biting his lower lip as he watched Steve’s head move faster and faster, and he felt his own hand suddenly doing the same thing. Jerry glanced down to realize that he had pulled his own cock out, that he was stroking himself off, in rhythm to Steve’s sucking. He felt suddenly terrified but as he looked up at Matt, that smile was still there, his eyes were approving, as he reached down to grab Steve’s head. Both of his hands held tightly onto Steve, as he cried out, and shot his hips forward.

He watched the muscles in Matt’s face, saw the cheeks pulling back and the brow grow furled and tight as he quickly turned his eyes back down to Matt’s crotch. His hand pumping his own cock, no longer worried about what Matt or Steve might think. He felt the lust taking over as he saw the cock being driven deep into Steve’s mouth. He swallowed hard, wishing it was his mouth, his throat as Matt cried out again.

Jerry closed his own eyes, as his body shook and shuddered. The ache in his crotch exploded and the sticky white cum was flowing between his fingers as he felt the bed lurch, felt his legs tighten and grew light headed. His body quivered and shuddered, as he cried out his own pleasure, matching the cries from Matt.

He was panting, and feeling totally drained, as he leaned back, no longer having enough strength to sit upright. Slowly he opened his eyes to see Matt looking at him, smiling. Steve was still on his knees, licking his lips with some white stuff around the corners, as he too was smiling. Both were looking at him, and Jerry realized that he had just made two new friends, friends that he had never thought he’d ever have.

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