‘Aren’t you the smart one, then.’

‘No, if I was, I’d have figured it out.’

‘Then what?’

‘How the fuck do I know? Look, I don’t get it, why did you have to tell me, why couldn’t you just keep it to yourself?

Josh stared up at Bradley, saw the hurt in his face, along with the growing anger. It was a question he had been asking himself, without any success of having an answer.

‘I dunno, figured we were friends.’

‘Yeah, so?’

‘I guess, I dunno, just thought friends shouldn’t have secrets.’

Bradley just glared at him, his face constricted, the thin lips made even thinner by how he was staring, at how his muscles looked so tight. The eyes were narrow slits, no sparkle in them that Josh had admired so much. The way his body was being held, made him cringe a bit, his back leaning as far as it could into the trunk of the tree.

He couldn’t explain it, but then, he never could. Maybe it was just wishful thinking, figuring that somewhere out there, was a friend who would understand, who would accept him for who he was, not what he was.

‘That’s crazy, no such thing as having no secrets.’

‘I know.’

‘Well if you know, why the fuck did you tell me? You think maybe I am the same as you, some sicko?’

Josh was tired, drained, by the way Bradley said it, made his blood boil. He felt like he had enough of the whole thing, wishing that Bradley would just shut up and leave. This was his spot, he didn’t invite him here.

‘I am not some sicko, as you call it.’

‘Yeah? Well what would you call drooling over other guys, wanting to suck their dicks, and God knows what else.’

Josh stood up. He brushed some of the dirt off his pants, and looked at Bradley. There was no mistaking how he stood, his hands to his side, the fists clenched. It was like Bradley expected he had gotten up to fight him or something.

‘So? It’s okay for some chick to suck a dick, but not another guy? Okay for guys to fuck a chick up the ass, but not another guy? Why? Tell, why is it wrong?’

‘Why? Fuck, because it is another guy, that’s why.’

‘That makes no sense, and you know it.’

‘Because that’s just how it is, it’s the way God set things up’

‘Oh, right, since when did you become so religious.’

‘Hey I believe in God, so I don’t go to church or whatever, doesn’t mean I am some pervert, or sicko like you.’

Josh could almost feel his hatred, as he spoke to him. The way his eyes never grew, but seemed to be just tiny slits, focusing all the hatred to strike at him. It was real, there was no mistaking that, and yet, he still liked him. Odd, how he could still feel something for him, when all he could do was stand there, telling him how sick he was, because he was Gay.

‘And because I like guys, you think I don’t believe in God? Man you are the one who is sick, not me.’

He knew he was never going to win this argument with Bradley, and that was that. Josh felt his body sag, felt his heart sigh as the realization of the futility of his life, came through, making him shudder.

‘Why did you come here? You made it clear how you felt, so what, you here to call me more names, what?’

They stood there, staring at each other. Josh couldn’t help but notice how Bradley stared, the eyes narrowed and angry. His face look pinched, as if he was in pain. That was how angry he looked, and frankly, Josh never could understand why. Okay, so they didn’t like gays, he didn’t like lots of things, but it never got his blood boiling, like it seemed to do with guys like Bradley.

‘to make sure’

‘make sure? Make sure of what? That I am gay?’

‘No, that you made clear, I want to make sure you know I am not that way, that I don’t want you to think of me, in that way. Fuck, it makes me sick to just think about it.’

‘Then don’t fucking think about it, besides, I never said I thought of you that way, so don’t go flattering yourself.’

‘Bullshit, I ain’t blind nor stupid.’

‘So you keep saying, but you sure as fuck are showing just how lame you really are, and I was wrong, thinking you were a nice guy.’

Bradley took a step closer, his hands balled up, his body rigid with anger, as he glared at Josh. For a moment or two, Josh felt like he had gone too far, but he no longer cared. It didn’t matter what Bradley did, or didn’t do to him. He had been beaten up before, been yelled at, spit at, and he couldn’t care less anymore. It was nothing new.

‘You are asking for a shit load of trouble, I mean it.’

‘Christ, won’t be the first time some redneck beat me up, so do your worst, but this time, I won’t just let it happen. I have had enough of your kind Bradley, I am not going to just roll over and let you beat me, so go for it, show me how fucking tough you are.’

‘You are crazy’

‘No, just fucking tired of the bullshit, so come on, do it and stop the yapping. You know how much you want to prove what a big man you are. So do it, I am not gonna run away, but I am not gonna just take it either, so come on, get it over with.’

Bradley glared even more. His entire body seemed like it would explode, as Josh watched the hatred growing. It was almost like he could reach out and touch it, and yet at the same time, he felt so dejected. He never understood the reasoning behind wanting to beat up someone, because you didn’t like them.

He wasn’t brave, but he was tired. He knew that standing up this way was just asking for a worse beating, than if he’d kept his mouth shut, but fuck it, he had thought Bradley was different. He had fucked up thinking that, but he wasn’t going to run. Not this time, not anymore.

‘Christ, you one of those queers into pain or something?’

‘No’

‘Then why, you fucking know I can whip your ass.’

‘So, do it.’

The hands fell down a bit, the fists seemed to relax as Bradley stared. Josh wasn’t sure what was going through his ex-friend’s mind, but something was changing. He didn’t know what, but he wasn’t about to back down. He had made up his mind, which for him, was something. There was no explaining his mood, as he stared back, acting unafraid despite the queasy feeling in his gut.

‘You ain’t worth it’ Bradley said, then turned and walked away. His back said more to Josh, than anything. As he watched the young man walk further away, he felt his body shaking, as the ordeal seemed to be over. It was odd, but he felt a bit sad, disappointed even. Maybe he was some sort of closeted pain nut, or maybe he had wanted the confrontation?

He stepped back, as the last of Bradley disappeared among the far off trees. Josh could still hear his footsteps, wishing he could call him back, could explain how he felt about guys, so that Bradley would understand. It wasn’t a choice, it was how he was, it was who he was. Why couldn’t people get that? It was no different than how they liked woman, it just was that way, so why couldn’t they accept how he felt about another guy?

Josh felt the tree behind him, felt himself slowly sink down to the cold earth. Fallen leaves rustled, as he tried to figure out the meaning of life, which is why he never heard the added rustling from behind. He just sat there, wondering why life was so complicated for him, why so many simply hated him, without even knowing him. Fuck, even those who did, suddenly hated him when they found it, and it made no sense to him.

‘Hey Chris, the fag is here, after all.’

The voice had a nasty ring to it, and despite the surprise of hearing it, he felt the chill racing up and down his spine. He knew that voice, knew who Chris was too, which only made him quiver a bit more, inside. He tried to push himself up to his feet, but Jack’s foot was suddenly resting against his chest, keeping him down.

‘What the fuck do you want?’

‘Chris wants to talk to you, you got any objections?’

Josh felt a bit hesitant. Why would Chris want to talk to him? The guy was a real jerk, the son of the apartment manager, and a real asshole, or at least that was his impression of him. He and Jack were always hanging out together, and always seemed to have a beer in one hand, a cigarette dangling from their lips. Worse, they were always telling  sick jokes about gays and African Americans. It was obvious they didn’t like either, which only made him more nervous.

Chris’s dad never seemed to care either, almost as if he believed in the sick crap Chris would spew, with Jack nodding his agreement. Chris never seemed to have anything good to say about blacks, Arabs, Jews, or gays. Hell everything he said was always said with a sneer, a scowl on his face, which made him look menacing. Josh didn’t know what Chris wanted with him, but he doubted it would be pleasant.

He couldn’t figure out how he knew he was gay either. Unless Bradley has told them, which might explain why Bradley left. Why beat him up, if he knew Chris & Jack would do it for him. Keep him out of trouble, while still getting even. Christ, what had he gotten himself into, as he once more tried to get up, but was pushed back by Jack’s foot.

‘Aren’t you the anxious one, now fucking stay down, or else.’

There was no mistaking the threat, or what ‘or else’ meant. He felt the fear in his throat, as the bile kept coming up, threatening to make him retch.

The noise of another person coming closer made them both turn their faces towards the close by thicket of brushes. He saw the branches part, and there stood Chris.

At times, he thought Chris would be cute, if he would just stop scowling so much. That would be a miracle, as he saw him approach, that evil sneer plastered across his thin pale lips. God, how nasty he looked, dressed in a dark olive green parka, olive green work pants, tucked into the tops of black work boots. Josh felt frightened, by the way Chris pushed the last branches aside, and stared down at him. That grin only added to his fear.

‘Well, well, look at what we have, our own little prissy boy. Nice work Jack, and he’s already down in the muck. How fitting.’

‘What do you want Chris?’

Josh didn’t know how he found his voice, but he had. His eyes had looked around, knowing that he didn’t stand a chance of getting away, least not without a fight. Somehow that seemed to calm him down, as he tried to think, to figure out a way to maybe surprise the two, so he could run off. Problem was, Chris and Jack were blocking the only way out. To go the other way, would mean going further into the woods, which wasn’t such a smart move, not with those two on his heels.

He waited, not sure what was going to happen, though he was fairly certain it involved him being hurt. Damn, how the fuck could Bradley have done this to him? There was no doubt in his mind, that these two were here, thanks to Bradley.

‘Shut up faggot, you speak when I say.’

‘Yeah shut up, or else’ Jack echoed, grinning like he was hoping for Josh to answer back. He almost did, but bit his lower lip, still thinking of how he could maybe take off, go into the woods, then try and circle back, while they kept chasing him deeper into the woods.

‘I don’t like faggots, they are so creepy, don’t you think so Jack?’

‘Fuck yeah, they are creepy, always staring at guy’s crotches, hoping for a look see, maybe they are jealous, what cha think Chris, think they are jealous of our dicks, of how we know how to really use them?’

‘Nah, they just want to have our dicks, it’s part of their weirdness, they just like cock, don’t you faggot?’

He stared at Chris, not sure what to say, wondering if he could just push up, get Jack off balance, then take off away, he might be able to circle around, get back to town. But then what, they knew where he lived.

The pain was sudden, as he felt the kick in his guts, and his eyes glazed over for a second, as the pain worked its way through his whole body, making him grunt.

‘I asked you a question faggot. You like cocks, any cocks, right?’

‘Yes’

‘Hear that Jack, just like I said, he likes cocks.’

‘Yeah, I heard, kind of gross that.’

‘Yeah, some guy liking a cock, you like my cock faggot?’

Josh stared up at Chris, saw the snarl, wondering where this was all headed. ‘No.’

‘Oh, you hear that Jack boy, he doesn’t like my cock. You prefer Jack’s dick, is that it?’

‘No, I, leave me alone Chris, I am not into you or Jack, just leave me alone.’

‘Oh, listen to that Jack, he’s not into us, how come pussy boy, we too much man for you?’

‘I, look, I just am not, okay?’

‘I don’t believe him, do you Jack?’

‘No, I think he’s lying, he’s probably aching for our dicks, that’s all his kind dream of, having a real man’s dick.’

‘Yeah, but no real man is gonna give him that, isn’t that right faggot?’

Before he could think of how to answer, he saw Chris’s foot move forward, saw the flash as it moved, and then felt it, as it hit him squarely in the thigh. He moaned, and fall over a bit, managing to put his arm out to stop him from falling completely over. Then he felt the earth against the side of his face, and the pain lancing up from his arm, as Jack had kicked it, making him finish the fall over to his side.

Another kick, from Jack, landed in his stomach, making him lean back, onto his back. He saw Chris move in closer from the other side, that evil grin looking even more menacing than before.

‘Now Jack, you know, he can’t help himself. Maybe we shouldn’t be so greedy.’

Josh heard the laugh and turned to stare up at Jack, who was close by, his foot twitching a bit, as if it wanted to strike out again. He cringed a bit, hearing the sound of a zipper being pulled down. Turning his face, he saw Chris had unzipped his pants, and had one hand inside the opening.

‘You are right Chris, look at how he’s looking at your crotch, man, he can almost taste it, I bet.’

‘Ha, yeah, but don’t you know fag, real men only pull their dicks out to fuck a nice hot pussy, or take a piss? And you ain’t got no pussy.’

He heard Jack laughing, as he saw Chris pull his dick out from under his pants. It was soft, but still looked like it could be above average in size. His mind was calculating the size, while his eyes took it all in, not sure what Chris was up to. The words didn’t register, as he saw the uncut dick staring at him. The foreskin was partially pulled back, and then he realized what Chris was doing.

The stream of amber liquid came sputtering out at first, then turned into a steady stream of liquid, that struck him on the chest. He could smell it too, the smell of urine, as Chris moved the cock a bit, the piss now striking him in the face.

He felt the sting, felt the heat too, as the hot piss splashed across his face, and his eyes. It burned a bit too, as Chris began laughing, joined by Jack’s hideous squeal of joy too.

‘Come on Jack, give the fag your piss, looks like he enjoys piss.’

He tried to turn his face, but the quick kick of Jack’s boot into his side, made him stop. It also made him groan, and as he let out the sound of his pain, he felt the bitter salty taste of urine, make its way in. He gagged on the taste as Chris only began to laugh even louder.

‘He likes it Chris’

‘Looks that way.’

The stream of hot piss began to stop striking his face, as he coughed, gagging on what had managed to trickle into his mouth. He felt his stomach turning, as he reached up, to wipe off his face, with the back of his arm.

He felt another kick, in his other side, and he turned his face, to see Chris glaring at him. His eyes were dark, filled with hate, worse than anything he had seen in Bradley’s face, just a few minutes earlier.

‘You ain’t done fag.’

‘Jack, you stand over the queer, and you listen up Josh boy, Jack here, he’s gonna give you more of what you want.’

‘I don’t…’ another kick landed, making him gasp for air.

‘Shut up and listen. You open your mouth, take Jack’s piss, and maybe, we won’t beat the crap out of you, maybe we will have had our fun, for now, got it?’

‘I got it’

‘Good, now open your mouth.’

He did as he was told, opening his mouth, then wider, at Chris’ urgings. Josh could smell Jack, feel his body hovering over his crotch, then he heard the zipper go down, knowing Jack was reaching inside, and at what was to come. He closed his eyes, and his fists grabbed a handful of leaves & dirt, as the first of Jack’s hot piss struck his mouth.

‘Wider faggot, don’t want you to miss a drop’

He obeyed, as the hot liquid filled his mouth, burning his lips, and making him gag.

‘Swallow it you fucking pansy’

Josh did as he was told, gagging and nearly retching, but he did as he was told, hoping that they would leave him alone after, hoping that Jack had taken a piss earlier, and would be soon done. The taste was salty, worse than what he had tasted from Chris, but he continued to swallow, afraid not to, afraid to.

His stomach was doing flip flops, as the liquid dribbled out of the corners of his mouth, as he kept swallowing, tasting the salty fluid. His eyes were watering, as Jack seemed to have an endless supply of piss, most entering his open mouth, though some managed to catch him in the eyes.

He could feel the bile, feel his stomach rearing up, and before he could even try to hold it back, he felt his face lurch forward, his guts emptying. His puke came rocketing outwards, catching Jack by surprise, with most of his vomit flowing across his outstretch body, but nailing Jack’s pant legs.

The outrage was unreal. The screeching voice, shouting damn, nearly made him go deaf from its high pitched roar. His body bucked, as he once more heaved the contents of his stomach outwards. The sweet smell of vomit, only adding to his discomfort, as well as signalling a continuation of his puking.

The laughter made him wince, even as his stomach continued to twist and turn. He felt like he was in a washing machine, at how his whole body seemed to be swirling around. He felt dizzy, as Chris’s voice cut Jack’s whining voice off.

‘He doesn’t like your piss Jack.’

‘Seems so Chris, ain’t that a shame, for him.’

‘Yeah, but hell, we should have known, fags are fags, they just can’t handle anything from a real man, including our piss.’

‘Guess so.’

‘Well we did try, gave him a chance to not get the crap beaten out of him.’

‘Yep, more than he deserved.’

‘That’s so true, well Fag, time for you to pay the price for wasting our time.’

Josh felt the kick, from Jack, and tried to pull away, which only seemed to make them both laugh even harder. Another quick kick to his leg, made him cry out, pushing himself backwards, trying to get to his feet, but failing.

Again the pain came, this time followed quickly by a second jolt, as first Jack kicked out at him, then Chris. He cried out, still trying to get away, still only succeeding in making the two laugh louder, and harder.

Just as he tried to gird himself for the next round of blows, he heard the voice, realizing that someone else had suddenly joined their little party. He felt his lungs ache, sucking in air, as the kicks didn’t come. Instead he could sense the two had turned around, to face the voice, caught off guard by its sudden appearance.

Josh tried to open his eyes, to see who had shown up, as the voice had sounded like it was coming out of some fog. The words were not recognizable, as he wondered if another of Chris’s gang had shown up, to join in the party.

To be continued…

You have been reading:

Unwanted

Part (2)

By Ian Kovnats (Gaystoryman)

Copyright © 2009 ? All Rights Reserved

Category ¦

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Josh sat there, huddled up into a small ball, holding his knees tightly. The wind swirled around him, as he shivered, but not from the cool breeze. He felt his chest ache, felt the pain searing his very soul, as he kept seeing Bradley’s face, the way the eyes narrowed, how his nostrils flared, as he shouted it at him.

‘Your Queer? Fucking Hell, you are a damn faggot?’

All he had been able to do was nod, hanging his head down, in utter desolation. Even then, his body had been shuddering, from the tone of Bradley’s once warm voice, now turned icy cold. How his lips were pursed as he screamed it at him, at how his face had gone almost white in disbelief, as he spit the words out at Josh.

It wasn’t what he had expected, but then that is how it seemed to always go. To the very few, that he had told, he had never expected to see the raw hatred take over their faces, their whole bodies. One, back in High School had even struck out at him, giving him some painful reminders, of what it meant to be a hidden minority, among a self righteous majority.

Now, at 22, he had thought he had put those kind of errors behind him, until he felt Bradley’s reaction to the news. It had taken him totally by surprise, as he really had thought that he would be the one who wouldn’t freak out, who wouldn’t lash out at him.

Josh still couldn’t believe it. How Bradley had screamed at him, so upset that with each tortured word that escaped his mouth, spittle flew at him.

‘Jesus Christ, a fucking faggot? Unfucking believable.’

Those were the words that hurt, but it was the look that sealed it for him. How could he not have seen it before, though in his own defence, he had been taken in by the boyish looks, the charm of his supposed new found friend.

They had met in the lobby of their apartment building. He had been moving in, when he first spotted Bradley, almost dropping the box in his hands. To say Bradley was a hunk, would be an understatement. The guy was just shy of six feet, about 150 pounds, and that smile was to die for. How his face looked so finely chiselled, honed really without a single blemish on it.

Then to hear his voice, as he reached out, to help prevent the box from crashing to the floor, was the topper. How soft and full of life it had sounded, how full of fun. It made his heart quiver a bit, and his body tremble some. The ease at which he simply took the box out of Josh’s shaking hands, as if they were the best of friends.

It was so seamless, the way he had grabbed another box, and led the way to his apartment, his heart pounding all the way. Even letting him in, had made him feel light headed. How fresh he had smelled, with that just washed kind of scent, nearly made him pass out, but he had held on.

Even now, he could see him, see the darkish hair and the small curl of locks, around each ear lobe. The way the hair just seemed to swirl all around a perfectly shaped head, that was atop of a perfect body. Bradley was more than just a looker, he was a living breathing specimen of perfect male sexiness.

No matter how he walked, how he moved his arms, it seemed to speak volumes about him, make his own body feel like it was being taught how to be pleasing. Josh had a boner from the instant he had spotted him, and even after an hour of moving stuff in, he still sported a stiff one. No one had ever affected him that way, but Bradley didn’t even seem to notice. If he had, well he never said.

Yet now, that was all gone. In the blink of an eye, Bradley had turned into just another one of them. He couldn’t figure out why, because really, it wasn’t like he had hit on him, or even made a half hearted pass at the guy. Not saying he hadn’t wanted to, but there was a lot more to Bradley, than being a perfect fuck fantasy.

He genuinely seemed nice, and helpful. Even that first day of meeting, he had been warm, open, and inviting. No aloofness with Bradley, who could be a poster boy for the Outgoing Male Society. Hell, before they had even finished bringing up boxes, Josh knew that Bradley was 22, worked at the local supermarket as a bagger & stock boy. Josh learned that how much he earned, that he had no girlfriend at the moment, and that to him, sex was over rated unless it was with someone you cared for. Hence his being single at the moment.

Not once did he think it meant Bradley was coming on to him, or that even he might be gay. That though never once crossed his mind, and over the few months of knowing him, it didn’t even flash across his thoughts. Oh, he spent many night with a towel, thinking of what it would be like to be naked with him, touching his perfect body with his own hands.

Maybe Bradley had sensed that? Could he have seen the desire in his own blue eyes, whenever he would steal a glance at him, or was he just looking for a reason to forgive Bradley his outburst? He did do that a lot, because after all, they all couldn’t be wrong, could they?

The tears were drying up, but he was still huddled into a ball, as he thought about Bradley, about his confession to him. How stupid could he have been. Twenty two years old, and damn it, he still couldn’t tell who was friend, who was foe. Yet, to be fair, it wasn’t like he had given Bradley any hints either, that he might be Gay.

Not like he had any skin mags laying around, or even porno flicks, never mind gay ones. So how the hell was Bradley to even guess that he might be? Like, it would shock anyone, or at least, it seemed to. Hell his own family had booted him out when they found out and if anyone should have known, it would have been them, right?

Thinking about it, it seemed like he was just going from one disappointment to another. Everyone he looked up to, had turned their back on in a New York second, when they found out he was Gay. His best friend since grade school had nearly pummelled into the hospital when he had found out, so why should Bradley have reacted any differently?

But then he was Bradley, he wasn’t some jerk who thought he was God’s gift to women, like his best friend thought. He wasn’t some egomaniac who figured he was the hottest looking guy on the planet, like his friend in High School, who had made Josh’s senior year a living hell, just because he could.

Sure there were some nice guys, but they would never just hang with him, least not alone. It was like they were two different people, when around him. Even the couple of others who worked with him, treated him differently, when they were alone on a job. Not once did they take their shirts off, or strip down to their shorts. Long pants, and shirts always on, was the routine, unless there were others around. Even when it was nearly a hundred out, they kept their shirts on.

Of course, even then, they would watch his every movement. Each time he would look up, to just wipe his brow, they’d be watching, as if making sure he kept his eyes anywhere, but on their naked chests, or bare legs. It was why his boss had stopped assigning him to large jobs. Now he was sent out to do jobs, that only required one person.

His Boss told him it was a compliment, that he was trustworthy to not dog it, when on his own, but he knew differently. It was to avoid the others being uncomfortable, around the queer. Strange how they didn’t mind showing off for each other either, just not around him. Like maybe they’d enjoy being stared at by some fag, or something like that.

Maybe that was why he got so attached to Bradley. He seemed different. Okay, he didn’t know that Josh was Gay, until now, but he was not bashful either. Man, the times he would be over on a day off, his shirt off, that gorgeous flat chest heaving ever so slightly with his breathing, was a sight to behold.

Josh loved the horseplay too. How Bradley would grab his shoulder to point out something, when they would go out together, and they had done that often. In some ways, it was like an older brother showing him around. How Bradley always seemed to stop by his place, ask him to join him in some outing, even if just to go grab a snack or pick up some milk from the corner store.

At first he was hesitant, but that lasted like ten seconds, before he was off with his new found friend. Hell, it was almost as if they had known each other forever, and Bradley never seemed to hide anything from him. Like how he believed that sex was special, that wasn’t for just getting off. He even admitted to preferring jacking off, to fucking some girl, simply because he was horny.

It was how he felt too, though not about the girl part, though he never said a word about that. Funny too, how Bradley never once asked him about girls, or even if he was looking. Not once did he try to fix him up, or talk about past exploits. Not your typical guy talk for them, as if Bradley knew, or so he had thought then. Obviously that was wrong, given how he had screamed at him, how contorted his face had become, almost instantly, when Josh had spoken that word.

How the fuck could a three letter word, make so many people go ballistic, see red and turn their friendship into outright disgust? It amazed him, even now, though maybe he shouldn’t be so surprised. After all, Bradley wasn’t the first to turn on him.

Still it hurt, as he sat there, slowly managing to lift his head up, to let the pain begin to subside inside. How it hurt, and it seemed each time, was worse than the time before. Maybe the answer was to simply not tell anyone, no matter what? Heck, he still wasn’t sure why he had told Bradley, because it wasn’t like he had asked, or anything.

Again, as usual, he kept turning it over in his mind, wondering if he had some secret wish to be hurt. Maybe that was it, he enjoyed feeling rejected, or something Freudian like that? Could be part of the sickness, part of being Gay?

Granted his few ventures into the Gay scene hadn’t been much better, though he had managed to figure out some of the meanings. Like who knew that being a bottom meant you didn’t like to fuck another guy? Then too, he was surprised at how many older guys were always hitting on the younger ones, and how they would snicker, while preening themselves, just for that reason.

It didn’t make him feel any better either, when the few guys he thought he’d like to know, turned out to be nothing more than smooth talkers, who only wanted a piece of his ass, or to feel his dick up their holes. That isn’t what he had imagined it would be like. Josh supposed he was just a romantic at heart, and the guys he met, well they said they were, but when it came right down to it, they were only interested in shooting their load, then moving on.

Maybe he wasn’t any good as a queer either? He liked the sex, it felt unreal to have another guy sucking his cock, but it never seemed to be more than just that, different in a pleasing way. He never experienced that explosion of emotion, that feeling of being wanted beyond being a sperm donor.

He sighed, finally letting himself sit upright, leaning back into the trunk of the Arbutus tree. He felt the cold wind, and wiped his face with the sleeve of his shirt. Maybe he shouldn’t have dreamed so much about Bradley? That could have been the problem, that made him think that somehow the guy was different.

All those nights, when he would lay in his bed, thinking of him, of how it would feel to make love to him. It didn’t matter that he didn’t know if he was cut or uncut, or if he had a big cock or a small one. All that mattered was that it was him, of how he would nestle into his arm, smell that scent that always gave him a hard on.

The more Josh thought about it, the more he wondered if that really was his problem, his damn imagination, his dreams of having someone hold him, care for him? Wasn’t like he got that from his own family. Seems like they always knew, though acted like it was a shock when it was spoken out loud. How his father’s face showed such disgust, his mother’s nothing but fear, as if he’d somehow turned into an evil demon.

The words, the way they spoke to him, how they seems so unwilling to realize he was the same kid from before, just that he had a different sexual need. Even the so called teachers seemed to not realize that it wasn’t some sickness, some disease that needed stamping out. They acted like he had a choice, like could switch his desires on or off. None of them understood, or maybe they just didn’t care to want to try?

And now here he was, once more feeling rejected, from some guy who he should have known would throw a bird. Yet it wasn’t that way in his dreams, when he would imagine a life of actually being wanted, instead of the reality of his young life.

In those nights, he was on cloud nine, the way he would imagine himself coming back to his apartment, all sweaty from a day’s digging and planting. How his shirt would stink from his sweat, still even be damp from it, and there he would see Bradley, sitting down by his apartment door. Not Bradley’s, but his, and how his face would look so unhappy, until he turned and would see Josh coming out of the elevator, and turning to come towards him.

Then those eyes would suddenly come to life, sparkling. His face would begin to glow, and he would push his lean body upwards, his back still leaning against the door. He’d be wearing that red t-shirt, that showed off his muscles, that seemed to just wrap around each bulging sinew. He would spot the chest, how the small orbs of his pecs would push out.

His eyes would brighten too, at seeing Bradley waiting, and they would devour that golden skinned face, before moving down, to take in the heaving chest. It always heaved, as if Bradley was suddenly short of breath, or had it taken from him, by the excitement of seeing him, Josh.

Then he would let his eyes move downwards, as he started to move a bit faster, despite the soreness in his legs, from squatting all day over flower beds. They would widen as the took in Bradley’s slender waist, how the belt was flapping, as it was way too big for that slight perfect waist. The buckle would gleam in the hall light, as he would stare, usually licking his lips. Then he’d glance up, to see the tail end of Bradley’s tongue sliding back inside, from having just licked his lower lip. The tip would be curled, from pressing up around the corner of his mouth, than was now open, in a big grinning smile. The white teeth seeming to glisten, despite the yellowish light of the hallway.

Josh would feel his tiredness dissipate a little, as he would be coming closer to Bradley. His body would be tense, the ache from work replaced by the one of desire, that was growing throughout his whole body. How his groin would throb too, as he got closer, as his eyes moved back down, to take in all of Bradley’s slender frame.

They would move down, to see the skin tight pants and the bulge at the groin. There would be no mistaking that bulge, no mistaking that it contained something special, that he, and he only, would be allowed to enjoy, as soon as he could get inside his apartment door.

In his dreams, it was always that way, always a frantic rush at first, and even now, he could feel his cock stirring, as the dream was being played in his mind. How his eyes would bulge, as he got closer, because he could see Bradley groin growing. The way the pants would tighten even more, the tell tale bulge moving the pants outwards, as if to greet him.

Then he would be up close, and Bradley would step aside, breathing in Josh’s scent as he moved just enough to let him put the key into the lock. How he could smell Bradley too, that fresh washed aroma, that always drove him crazy. How it would make his legs weak at the knees. He could feel his hands fumbling with his keys, as his arm would brush past that flat washboard stomach, the heat coming from the skin beneath the shirt, making him hurry to open the door.

God, how good it felt, to hear him suck in his breath, and give a small whimpering sound, as he smelled Josh’s body smell. How his nostrils would be flaring, trying to take all of his scent in, at once. Josh could see how his legs quivered, in the tight pants, the bulge threatening to burst out, to rip through the tough jean fabric.

Somehow the door would be pushed open, and he’d step inside, feeling Bradley right behind him, the door always suddenly slamming shut. The lock would be turned, with a loud clanking sound, making it secure, preventing anyone from suddenly intruding.

He would turn, his keys dangling in his hand, when he would feel Bradley’s hands grab his shoulders, pulling his own trembling body close to Bradley’s. How his eyes would flutter, seeing that tuft of hair over one eye shake, then he’d hear his keys hitting the carpet of his hallway.

Josh would feel all the air in his lungs being sucked out, rushing like in a typhoon, as he would feel the hot press of Bradley’s thin lips against his own. He’d feel his mouth opening, to take the offered tongue, that was twisting and eager to enter him. He’d feel the hands reaching around, taking his buttocks in their palms, clenching at the shivering flesh, grabbing them hard with a sense of desperation.

He’d feel his body trembling, feel the tremors reaching for his heart, as their lips would grind into each other, their tongues duelling each other inside of his mouth one second, then inside of Bradley’s. Josh would feel the hands tearing at him, reaching for his belt, for his pants button and then he’s see lights behind his eyelids. His body would be shaking, as he felt the air caress his naked thighs, then his groin. Somehow Bradley would always have his pants down, and without knowing, he’d have done the same to him. He would feel the press of a hard thick cock into the soft belly of his groin, never seeing it but just feeling it press into his soft trembling flesh.

Laying there, against the tree, he could feel his heart kicking up a fuss. The blood was starting to rush, as his mind kept going back to his dreams, kept trying to make them more real, than reality. He knew it wasn’t going to help him, now that he had spoken up, had told his secret to Bradley. That dream would never be the same now, as he sniffled, the mood suddenly coming to an end.

He felt the pain again, wondering why he had spoken up, why he had told Bradley he was gay. It wasn’t like he had any notion that by speaking up, that he would suddenly have his dream become reality. He wasn’t that stupid. Then again, maybe he was, because he did just, well blurt it out. Just, that the idea of being held tightly by Bradley, of having him touch him seemed so, possible.

Josh felt the confusion, yet also the desire inside of him. He wanted someone, and maybe that was why he had done what he did. He wanted Bradley, even knowing it wasn’t going to happen. He wanted to feel his hand moving up and down Bradley firm chest. To feel the chest hairs move beneath his fingers, to tweak his nipples that he imagined would be firm.

The whole idea of touching him, of moving his hand slowly across his chest, of twisting a nipple, maybe even licking it or nibbling on it, while his hand would lightly run down the chest towards Bradley’s belly. To feel the muscles rolling under his hand, to feel the warmth of his flesh, as the hand would slide down, to maybe play with the wiry pubic hairs. The way his own breath would get short, become labored, as he anticipated that moment when his fingers would touch the rock hard root of Bradley’s cock. God, how he ached for that chance, and how much it seemed to be driving him.

Leaning there, he could almost see it, even though he had no idea what Bradley looked like, naked. What he wouldn’t give to have that moment. Just to stare at his naked body, at his groin unhindered by any clothing. To be able to just gawk at him, to think of what it would be like, was all he really wanted, that was now lost to him forever.

Josh knew he was being stupid, even as his own hand moved down over his bulging crotch. Still, the idea of him and Bradley, was overpowering. He knew it was stupid, but he couldn’t get him out of his mind, not that easy. Maybe in time, but for now, he still felt his desire for him. If only he hadn’t said anything, if he’d have just kept it to himself, things might not be as they were now.

He sighed, feeling dejected, realizing how stupid he was. Yet the image of Bradley, in a t-shirt, in tight jeans sitting next to him on the sofa, watching television, still flashed before him. He could smell him too, that aroma that always gave him a super boner. God, how sick was he? Even now, to be thinking of him, to be rubbing his own aroused dick, despite the reaction he had just gone through.

Even the idea of trying to talk to him, lurked in the back of his mind, which was stupid. There was no mistaking that look, that hatred, when he had told him he was Gay. Yet despite that, he was already thinking of trying to patch it up, to maybe still be friends. That was sick, he thought, as his hand moved over his hard crotch. Christ, how the thought of Bradley made him so hard, so horny.

The sound of someone coughing startled him. Josh quickly pulled his hand up and leaned forward, towards the sound. His eyes grew wide, as standing there, in front of him was the guy of his dreams. He couldn’t believe it, as he stared, open mouthed at Bradley. No way had he not noticed what Josh had been doing, yet there was no anger, no hatred in his eyes, or in his face.

‘Figured this is where you’d come.’

‘to be continued’

You have been reading:

Unwanted

Part (1)

By Ian Kovnats (Gaystoryman)

Copyright © 2009 ? All Rights Reserved

Category ¦ First Time

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