Noah stared at his reflection in the mirror, knowing it was useless, the damn zit was still there despite the scrubbing and the constant application of that stupid zit cream stuff he used. He saw his eyes narrow as he stared at himself, wondering if he wasn’t being stupid, after all he was only 16 and you were supposed to have zits, just that why now? Couldn’t it have waited till next week to pop up? Christ Dakota wouldn’t want to kiss a face that had zits would he, but then he had barely had time to talk with him ever since he had shown up that night.
They had talked briefly since that night, and he wondered, staring at the mirror, if maybe he had been wrong, maybe he had only thought he had seen what he had seen or maybe Dakota had changed his mind? Maybe he had decided it wasn’t worth the risk but then he would have cancelled today, wouldn’t he? His head shook and he saw the fear in his own eyes, the fear that he had already failed to measure up to what Dakota had expected, but then, maybe he was just being stupid? Maybe he was just too nervous, expecting too much and maybe that was scaring Dakota off too? It could be, after all Dakota was, well, he was hot and he, Noah, wasn’t, so why should he be interested?
Christ he was feeling weird, his palms were sweating and he wasn’t going to meet Dakota till 4, and he leaned back on the wall, staring at his face, staring at the zit and way his face looked so ordinary. He sighed, knowing that it wasn’t Dakota’s fault they hadn’t had time together, after all he did have an image to keep up and Noah understood that. Last thing he wanted was for anyone to suspect anything about them, even if they already suspected him, he couldn’t let them get wise to Dakota. It was bad enough that some thought he was queer, Christ it would be impossible if they knew for sure.
Lunch was the worse, he had to sit there listening to Marvin whining about something or other, or worse sit alone while ‘the group’ surrounded Dakota and he could see how he was being drooled over by every cheerleader and girl in school. He had that look, the same look he thought Rusty had, but with Dakota it was different, more intense really. He could see too that Rusty wasn’t exactly pleased, no longer number one but he had to give the guy credit, he didn’t seem to let it bother him but every now and then, Noah could see the way Rusty’s eyes would flare, a sort of hatred in them that scared Noah. He never thought Rusty was that way, but then how would he know? He was never popular, he was the funny kid who dressed up in girls clothes for plays and stuff, he wasn’t the super jock or anything, but there was something in Rusty’s eyes that made Noah keep his distance.
As much as he had wanted to talk with Dakota, each morning at the locker or after classes or during lunch break, Rusty seemed to be there, watching, and staring and yet not staring. It was like he was spying on Dakota, trying to figure him out and he could see that Dakota didn’t even notice it. Yet as much as he tried to be careful, he couldn’t help but feel all giddy each time Dakota would walk up to the locker, or each time he would see him standing there. He was like a Greek God that they had learned about in English, the way he just looked so, well, so commanding. Seeing him each morning was like a whole new experience for him and he had to admit, seeing Dakota’s eyes light up, seeing him smile and speak to him was enough to keep him going in dreamland for the day, which was another problem he had to come to terms with.
He had already been spoken to about his sudden lack of attention in class, and he knew that he hadn’t done well on the pop quiz on Friday, but that was then, today was his time and he could feel his legs getting wobbly even though his dick was rock hard, again. Christ that too was becoming a problem, because each time he would think about Dakota, which was almost constantly, he would get a hard on, he would think back to the night, the way Dakota looked, naked and with that monster dick staring at him. Christ he still could feel the fear he felt then, and yet he also felt the excitement of it too.
Strange, but he could think of virtually nothing else but what it would feel like to have Dakota inside of him, and he had wondered if he would scream, or would he cry like a baby? Every time he thought about it, his ass felt weird too like it knew what he was planning and was just as uncertain about it as he was, and yet at times it itched so much, like it was really wanting it. He knew it was just nerves, yet it felt real to him, it really did feel like it was itching and as he wiped the lock of hair from his face, he saw the blush on his face, realizing the stupid things he had done this week.
His hand moved down his flat stomach, feeling the press of his dick against his jeans as he felt that ache there again, knowing that what he really wanted to do was to unzip his pants and just jerk off but he had made up his mind last night, no touching, no hand jobs in case it would make him soft when he wanted to be hard, when Dakota would need him hard. Damn, just thinking of it and he could feel his dick moving inside his pants, the fresh new boxer’s bit stiff but no where near as stiff as his cock was feeling. Maybe it would be okay if he did jerk off now? Hell it was early enough, still, if he did and then what would happen later, would he still be able to or worse, would he maybe shoot early again, or maybe not at all? He had heard about that, that some of those who did the porn took forever to cum because they did it so much, or at least that was what Marvin had said, but he always came up with weird little comments.
Noah knew it was crazy to be this way, that he would do okay, or at least he kept telling himself that, telling himself that Dakota wasn’t the type to make a big deal out of him being a rookie, and he had shown he cared, least he thought he had, or was he just being nice? Was all this just that, was it that maybe Dakota had been lonely or was it what he had thought? Thinking back he could still see the way Dakota would smile at him, a sort of smile that said more than just ‘hi’ but then maybe he was doing his normal routine, making mountains out of molehills? His mother sure seemed to think he did a lot of that, so did his dad but then it had been ages since they had been his age, besides things were different these days.
Looking at the mirror and seeing his expression, he wondered why Dakota even bothered with him? He wasn’t good looking, his hair didn’t look great, his face was thin and angular even, his nose was way too small and hell his ears were more like a girls than a guy’s, so why the fuck would Dakota want him? It just didn’t make sense unless it simply was that he was available, that he was ‘one’ that Dakota knew about. Maybe if he found some one else better looking he’d have cancelled, but it wasn’t easy to find that kind of stuff out, so maybe that was why tonight was still on?
Looking at his reflection he could feel the doubts raging inside, his mind continued to keep on throwing up things, to harp on his imperfections that he knew were glaring and yet somehow, deep inside the voice kept telling his mind to frig off, to take a hike and as it spoke, his heart kept beating stronger with anticipation and desire. Funny how suddenly he could feel all this turmoil inside, all this sort of confusion and yet deep down he knew that tonight was important, that it was something special that would change his whole life. He knew inside that if he chickened out as his thoughts kept urging, that he would never be totally happy.
Funny, looking at himself this way, he noticed how his hand had crept down into his jeans, how his fingers were already running along his hard cock, and it was more like instinct than anything else at how much he really wanted to be with Dakota, under any terms, any conditions. Maybe it was like his head kept saying, that he was just horny and wanted to get fucked or maybe it was like he felt inside, that it was something special, that there was more to being with Dakota than just getting laid, that maybe those little glances, those little smiles were more than a come on, were a signal of something much much more?
His resolve grew stronger as he looked into his own eyes; saw the doubts but also the desire. He pulled his hand out from his pants, and looked deeply at his reflection, deciding that this time, he’d let the voices deep down have their way, ignoring the pleas of his mind. As the decision grew within he felt a strange sense of calm come over him and he walked out of his bathroom to stare over at his unkempt bed, still able to see Dakota’s silhouette on top, the way he had been when he had woken up Tuesday morning, the way he had felt and Noah breathed in deeply, smelling that strange sweet fragrance that was Dakota. It was unnerving how he could still smell it, and even though his mom had washed and changed the sheets he could still smell him, as if it was a scent that now belonged to him.
As much as he hoped and prayed he still felt the twinge of nervousness inside as he surveyed his room, wondering what it would be like to be sharing all this with someone else. The dream that he had and that Dakota seemed to also have was still fresh in his mind, it was something he couldn’t shake and even though his thoughts started out differently each night since, they always came back to that, to the two of them in a small room, only a bed in the room but it felt right, it felt as if it was where he belonged. He shuddered a little, feeling the stiffness in his groin and the itch in his buttocks.